Skid Marks Page #6

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Get him, get him!

Get the keg, get the keg, get the keg!

Yes, all right!

( Bob )

I swear, you're all freakin' dead!

( Neil )

Ow, get off, get off, ow!

From now on, I will steal

handicapped people's spots!

( Bob on video )

I've got you right in the viewfinder, Captain.

This is gonna come in real handy.

Yes.

( Neil )

I've never been beaten like that.

Oh, no.

I think I'm missing some toes.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, Bobby!

Ah, my nipples!

( Bob )

I think I'm gonna cry.

I had fun tonight, but

we do have a problem.

And what would that be?

You now know where I live.

I wouldn't really worry about that.

I totally followed

you home the first day.

Yeah, oh, by the way,

I've been living here for

a while and the cable bill--

Shut up and kiss me.

( horn honking )

Come on, get a room!

Your patients are waiting, doc.

Ah, I owe you an O.B.E. next time.

An O.B.E.? I'm afraid to ask.

Oral breast exam.

I do housecalls and I work weekends.

( T-Bone )

It took less time to free the slaves.

Hey, don't make me run, come on!

Got sperm?

You do now.

This needs to get to the fertility lab

on Beech, stat.

Why the Styrofoam?

We ran out of sample cups.

Okay, oh--

you're very angry.

You know what?

I like that.

Do you know if this counts

as a patient transport?

Because there's probably dozens in here.

No.

Can I get your, uh-- Can

I get your phone number?

No.

Oh, because you're homeless, right?

I understand, I understand.

Have a good day, homeless lady.

Whoa!

They found some drugs

missing during my shift

and I've been fired.

Oh my God, sweetie, oh...

It was you?

Me? No.

Oh God, this is a

sample, this is--

This is my life here.

You may not like your

job or take it seriously,

but I do.

Wait, how can they

even fire you anyways?

You're just a volunteer, right?

You know, I'd turn you in,

but I wouldn't want you to lose

your precious big-money EMT gig.

God, I suck.

God, I am a douche bag.

( Neil mumbling )

I don't want your number anyway...

I am sexy.

One day a girl will realize it.

What was that? Oop!

Oh, sh*t.

"Wouldn't want you to lose

"your precious, big money EMT gig.

La-di-da-di-dah."

Hello?

Anybody there?

( dispatcher )

We got a BWS at 1120 Terrace, over.

1120 Terrace Lane,

copy that, Roger, over.

Yo, Rich? Hey, Rich?

Hey, let's take this

one ourselves, huh?

You and me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Karl.

I am not going anywhere

with your Susie-Q flabby ass.

Listen up, little man!

You're gonna go with me out on this call

because I have wanted to be a paramedic

ever since I was six years old

and pulled out of that

sewage treatment plant.

Do you copy me?

Okay, yeah, I copy.

I was just kidding, Karl.

Try Rich again first.

Okay.

Move out! Doctors.

We're already up half a dozen calls.

Or six.

Anyway, this'll really slow 'em down.

You actually did something good?

You know it.

( Karl on radio )

Hey, Rich, we got a call, Rich.

Yeah, so?

Can't you handle it

yourself there, buddy boy?

By myself?

( whispering )

I sound like Rich.

Isn't that what I just said?

Get humping there, Super-size.

Roger that.

That's it, let's go!

I knew it, I f***in' knew it.

What?

We could have used that, you jackass!

All right, look.

Let's just drop this cum pack off.

Hey, where the hell is that

pint-sized crack sniffer?

One-Foot? Yeah.

Oh, your partner just left on a call.

By himself? Yeah, not so good.

What's One-Foot usually say?

"Mo-suckas?"

Yeah, he does say that, doesn't he?

Are you smelling that?

Oh, I think this is spoiled,

or a black guy used it or something.

Let me see that.

It's a chocolate shake, you kumquat!

What'd you do?

Ooh, chocolate? Chocolate?

I mean-- no!

Neil, no!

Neil, stop it!

Neil! I'm eating!

Neil, Goddammit,

you're gonna get hyper!

Ahh!

Ah, Neil!

That's it, we're going

back to the hospital.

Hey, nurse, I said I don't want any more

of your stank-assed freedom

fried cafeteria food!

I just want a chocolate shake.

Here, take it.

That's all, it's too much to ask?

Oh, yeah, merci.

I said, "chocolate freaking shake!"

This tastes like splooge!

Hmm, tasted a lot of splooge, have you?

No. No, no?

Lying ass Frenchman,

stupid mother f***er.

I can't f***ing believe this sh*t.

Motherf***er tell me what to do...

Bone says this is a GPS.

It's not a GPS, you idiot, a BWS.

Oh, well, then, so

what the heck is a BWS?

( woman ) Hello?

Since when were you not a rookie?

Hello? I'm in here!

Beached Whale Syndrome.

Oh.

I'm right here, I can

hear you! Now you know.

I fell, I'm in a lot of pain here.

I have just undergone a very

complicated medical procedure.

What seems to be the

problem here, ma'am?

I need something for the pain.

Look, we're EMTs, so we

can't administer drugs.

Oh my God.

Let's just put her on the backboard.

Okay.

I just--

What-- what are you

doing?! I'm hurting here.

Here we go, backboard's down.

Roll her back.

Oh, oh, oh!

Feel free to just roll me over!

It's okay, ma'am, we're professionals.

We do this kind of thing all the time.

One, two, three! I

don't have it yet, Karl.

Wait! Oh!

( groaning )

Oh my God! Peanut butter?

What?

Pookie, Pookie, go to your room!

Go!

Somebody help me!

You find that cup. You

find that cup right now!

I will, I will.

You ruined everything,

you ruined every single...

I know..

Hmm?

Hey, nurse!

My husband is captain of

Bayside's medical personnel

and he's going to hear

how you refused to give

me pain medication!

You know what, ma'am, I told you before,

we don't stop pain, we merely induce it.

Did you say your husband was

captain of EMS for Bayside?

( woman )

Yes, I did, and you can bet--

No, bad dog, no!

( woman )

Get this tiny pervert off me!

Smells like peanut

butter down here-- Karl!

You are eating future

humans you little bastard!

Give me the cup, you a**hole!

Give it to me now!

I hate French baby-eating a**holes!

Ah!

( screaming and hollering )

Mo-sucka!

All right, beat like there's

no tomorrow, little buddy.

We gotta get this cup

filled and delivered

by the end of our shift or

we're totally goat-holed!

That's an ugly dress.

Who's your Bobby? Who's your Bobby?

Yeah. Who's your Bobby?

Oh!

No, not you, you idiot!

Oh!

Oh!

( both grunting )

I need the cup, Neil!

Neil, hand me the cup!

Oh yeah, Bob's doing

it! Bob's doing it!

Bob is doing it!

Oh, I'm so good.

What are you doing? I'm working!

( groaning )

Okay, I'm just gonna shoot it in there.

( groaning )

It didn't work.

This isun mistico del mar, si, si.

Muynice.

Goddamn.

Muynice, capitan.

Mark?

Didn't you get the news?

Yeah, actually I did.

Why do you think I'm here?

To congratulate the winner.

I never thought I'd say this,

but you're better than us.

If I had my way,

I'd round up every sick,

elderly, mental whack job

welfare-checking loser,

load them all into your ambulances

and drive you all off the nearest cliff.

That's enough, Juan.

Get off my ass!

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