Skid Marks Page #8

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I might be able to

get you your job back?

What about my j-job?

Shut up.

No, no, no, don't shut up, not you!

That's mine!

I don't even know

what you're gonna wear.

Hey, Bob!

( Bob )

What?

I can't believe we won today.

That's because Captain Limison fixed it

so that we couldn't lose.

I know, I love surprises,

I love 'em, I love 'em!

Yeah, great, Neil.

Hey, you know, this new shampoo

is really tingly.

Yeah, my underwear's been really tingly.

Are those my new underwear?

No, these are my new underwear.

Okay, those are the underwear

my mom gave me as a gift.

She loves

me, she--

Neil. Yeah?

You've got five seconds

to take off my underwear!

Five, four, three, two, one!

Neil. Neil.

What was that for?

You're gonna get a

visit from Mr. Shampoo!

No, no!

That's right, Neil, you

heard me-- Mr. Shampoo.

Not Mr. Shampoo.

Oh, I can't see! Somebody help me!

Don't touch me!

This is not allowed

in the hosp--

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh! Oh...

Hey, homeless lady.

You!

Take off my f***ing underwear!

I'll meet you at the soup kitchen!

Ahhh!

Okay, huddle up, here's the game plan.

Bones, you're gonna be serving up

a little cut of brake line supreme

with a side of there

goes the brake fluid.

Got it, boss.

One-Foot, you're gonna

be dishing out the dirt.

Pile it high and deep, my friend.

Well, that's my specialty, Mo-sucka.

Karl, you're the point man.

Got it! What's a point man?

When you see a bad guy, point.

Um, where's Lai Mei?

She's putting her face on.

Of course, she is.

Do you mind if I--

Yes, you can go peek

at her in the bathroom.

Oh, duty calls, carry on, gentlemen.

( man )

Hey!

Uh, hi, wow, you are gorgeous.

Call me crazy, but I thought

when you hung up on me,

that meant you weren't gonna come.

I wasn't.

But a wise friend of mine once told me

that everybody deserves a second chance.

He did? Nice.

Good, good job, I like this guy.

He's a good friend, you

should keep him around.

Anyways, I'm gonna get

your job back today.

Don't ask me how,

just sit back, relax, have some candy,

turn off your pagers

and the cell phones.

Deal? Deal.

You're touching me.

I'm so proud of you, Marky.

You deserve everything you've

got coming to you today.

This day belongs to both of us, Bunny.

Behind every great man...

... is a great woman. Is a great woman.

Now, you just remember to smile

and I'm gonna go freshen up.

Good afternoon, sirs,

that's a fine motor vehicle.

Just park it, peasant.

Oh, my balls, what'd

the do to my balls?

My balls feel like they're melting!

( parking attendant )

Fudge-packers.

Hi, how you doing?

What did you say?

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought

you guys were partners.

That's a warning.

Ahhh! My balls are on fire!

I gotta go.

( Bob )

Come on, Neil, let's go!

Out of my way! Oh, God, Neil!

Out of my way!

Oh, Satan, stop licking my balls!

Oh!

I'm gonna rub my fiery

balls on your face, Neil!

Oh, I need a restroom!

Hi, ma'am, how are you today?

Great.

Listen, I'm wondering if you knew

where the nearest restroom facility is.

There's one right here.

Well, thank you very much.

Hey, wait a minute. Uh-huh?

Can't you see that there's a line?

Oh, you're right.

But I'm sure you're an old lady

and you're wearing old lady diapers,

so I'm sure you'll be okay.

( woman shouting )

Go buy a diaper, you witch!

Oh, God, Neil! Neil!

I need you to do something to my balls!

Oh!

( Neil and Bob screaming )

My balls are gonna explode!

Ah!

I feel like fire ants have

crawled into my penis hole

and started a tribal ritual dance!

This is worse than herpes!

No, it's not. What?

It's not, trust me.

Ah!

Oh my God, my foreskin's gone!

Ahh!

You better start using some

new conditioner there, buddy.

Look at it. What?

Holy sh*t!

No one fucks with Bobby's hair!

Hello, Mr. Mayor.

Fire Chief.

Well, good afternoon everyone.

My name is Captain Mark Limison,

head of Bayside's

Emergency Medical Services,

at your service.

I just want to thank

each and every one of you

for being here today

to help me kick off our

safe community campaign.

Woo! Woo!

Oh!

Quite frankly, lackluster

performance has forced us

to make some major improvements

about the future of healthcare.

In the meantime, I have a

little presentation for you.

Without further ado,

I give you your future.

( Limison groaning )

Oh my God! Son of a b*tch!

Honey bunny, that's not me.

It looks like me, but it's not me.

This is a digital hoax!

Dammit, Neil!

( Neil )

I don't mind stealing drugs for Mr. Limison,

but I feel bad that

pretty girl who got fired.

Is that thing on?

Well, then, shut up

and help me, butthead!

Who, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa!

I am as shocked and deeply

disturbed as you are,

but it does appear our dear old Captain

has been playing hide the Jimmy Beam

with a local Ru-Pollyanna,

while his safe community EMTs

have been peddling

prescription meds on the street.

I can explain!

( Bob shouting )

( gasping from crowd )

Okay, that's a little over the top.

It's payback time, Rich!

I've had enough of your little jokes,

so now it's time for Bobby

to cut off your balls.

( gibberish )

For those of you that

don't know ancient Aramaic,

let me translate.

"I'm gonna murder you,

your family, a random goat

and then I'm gonna rape your cat."

Neil!

What, no cat?

But you-- Shut up!

I think it's time we bust

a needle in Mr. Cool's ass.

Neil, get him!

Ahh! Neil, what are you doing?

( groaning )

It's your turn to feel the pain, Rich!

Oh! Ahh!

Oh!

Everybody freeze! DEA!

He can walk! It's a miracle!

Shut it, fanny pack!

I'm sick of this undercover garbage!

I feel like I'm surrounded by

a secret society of idiots!

If it were up to me,

every one of you would

be going to jail!

Please don't shoot, I'm innocent!

Stand down!

And another

thing--

( Mrs. Limison )

His ass is mine!

Okay, everybody, listen up!

Free Viagra for everybody.

Ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha!

Warning, may cause anal

leakage and premature death.

( Bob )

Get back here, Neil!

Oh, my--

( man )

Oh, sh*t, my evidence! You f***ing animals!

Hey!

Oh, I got the Jacuzzi fixed in the rig.

Wanna see?

If you play your cards right.

( Rich )

By now, you're probably wondering

what became of all of us.

Good morning, my brothers and sisters.

T-Bone became the

new head of the NAACP.

Yeah, not that NAACP.

The National Association of

American Cannabis Providers.

I think he founded it.

And it seems to be doing wonders

for his speech impediment,

don't you think?

Can I get an "Amen"?

Yes!

Can I get $5 to get home?

Huh? Huh?

Under the new Little

Person's Equality Act,

One-Foot made the fire department.

Yeah, I know, good for him.

And don't ask me how,

but Lai Mei graduated

top of her class at the police academy.

Probably involved some

sort of physical abuse.

I hope they never have kids.

Wow, if I didn't see

it with my own eyes,

I wouldn't have believed it myself.

You okay back there, baby?

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