Sleepwalk with Me Page #3

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Yes. Yeah, no.

Actually, guys, you know,

Matt and I were gonna have

a little talk,

so maybe we could

just talk for a second,

and I'll come right back.

It's no big deal, you know?

You guys having, like,

a talk-talk?

Like a Cosby talk?

No, no, no.

It's not a big deal.

Well, is it the, "Theo getting

bad grades in school" talk

or the "Vanessa dating for

the first time" kind of talk?

Yeah, I think it's neither.

But we can talk later.

No, it's fine. We can talk now.

Just give me a second. Here.

Yeah, totally.

No, we'll wait over there.

- Okay.

- Bye.

Anyway'

Pandamiglio, we're still

waiting on Terrence to show up.

- You want to do five?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna bring you on now.

Okay. Sure.

Um, we can talk later.

- Okay, have a good set.

- All right.

You may have seen this next uy

crushing mint into your mojito.

Please welcome

Matt Pandamiglio.

Thanks.

Um, I was watching TV

the other day,

and I was watching The A-Team.

And I-you know, sometimes

I feel like these guys

aren't even trying, you know?

Like, I feel like if you're

on the run from the law,

you might want to go easy

on the gold chains and feathers.

Like, maybe take the red stripe

off the van.

Just a couple ideas.

So he thought there was

a jackal in your hamper?

No, he thought the hamper

was a jackal.

0K3)!...

It was this really...

it was really stressful, though,

that weekend...

his parents and relatives

and everything.

Just kind of a weird time,

I guess.

Well, you need to get you

one of these guys, huh?

That'll fix everything,

right, Petey?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah?

No, yeah.

I don't know if I'm ready

for one of these.

I don't know if Matt is either.

Come on.

Just tell him

Butler needs buddies.

Yeah, I could say that.

Butler needs some buddies.

That-I would never say that.

Please welcome

Terrence Bailey, everybody.

Terrence Bailey.

HEY...

Hey!

Yayl You were great!

Did you guys watch?...

We heard those jokes in college,

though,

and they were funny then.

Um, let me grab your empties.

Uno mas, monsieur.

Thank you, bartender.

Gracias.

"What happened after dinner?"

"We went back to my place."

"Yeah. Then what?"

"Started making out."

"Yeah! Then what?"

Hey, man.

I was just-I was just onstage.

Just did my set.

This business is insane,

psychotic.

What's your name again? Mick?

Matt.

Mack,I'm out there onstage

killin, riht?

Yeah.

Meanwhile, I got friends

out in Hollywood,

terrible comics, the worst,

just leaking this derivative,

pandering comedic pus,

you know?

But they're on sitcoms.

Sure.

They have infinity pools.

They're taking flying lessons.

I know a guy with

a Wiffle Ball stadium.

- Yeah.

- Used to work here.

Now he's got a Wiffle Ball

stadium as a backyard.

It's malignant.

Yeah.

I know what you mean.

You see that woman over there,

that mess with

the red roller suitcase?

Yeah.

That's my agent, Colleen.

Useless.

Right.

I told her,

"Get me out of here.

Get me on the road.

Get me some gigs out there."

Comes back to me with six gigs

spread across five states.

$150 a night.

Mmmmm.

Pathetic.

Hey, Ian, hi.

Hey, Colleen, how are you?

Thanks a lot

for those gigs last week.

Hey, no problem.

Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go.

Maybe I'll give you a buzz

tomorrow.

All right.

That'll be nice. Okay.

Hey, I'm Matt.

Hey, Matt.

How are you?

Good.

L-I saw you onstage.

Yeah. Cool. Cool.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, hey,

if there's ever any, like,

small gigs or...

or anything really kind of-

I'm around, just so you know.

Yeah, well,

how much time can you do?

I don't know.

Probably, like,

And he's great at hosting.

He hosts here all the time.

And collees-

do you ever book colleges?

A few, yeah.

Yeah, he's great

with college students.

They love him.

They find him very relatable.

Well, here, Matt.

Call me when you have...

when you want

to sit down and talk.

. Okay...

Great.

Yeah? See you. Bye.

Pandamiglio, we got

a situation in the bathroom.

You're gonna need

the fuzzy mop.

. Okay...

Thanks for helping out

with the agent stuff.

You're just much better at

telling people what you want.

God, Butler really

is adorable, huh?

Which one's Butler?

Butler.

Butler, the-Butler the baby.

The baby, yeah, yeah,

the little baby we saw.

Yeah, no,

I think I blocked that out

'cause I have

this fear of babies.

Like, I always get worried...

like, what happens

if I'm holding the baby

and then the baby just dies,

you know?

And then I killed the baby.

Right.

And then-and-you know...

Yeah, you're probably

not gonna get,

like, a Christmas present

after that.

Exactly.

Then, 'cause they'd be like,

"What do we get Matt?

Nothin. He killed the baby."

And then if I ever want to,

like, adopt a baby,

they'll be like,

"Have you ever killed a baby?"

And I'd just be like,

"Kind of."

Yeah.

Do you think Butler

needs some buddies?

What?

I don't know.

I was just thinking maybe

Butler could use a buddy.

I think he's got

a lot of buddies.

He seems like he's very...

No. He's a loser.

He doesn't have any friends.

No, he's got a million friends.

I see him on the street

every day.

Okay, well, someday,

we'll probably

make him a friend,

so we may as well practice

tonight.

You know, I've been practicing

on my own.

What are you doing?

Ll don't know.

I'm just, like, um...

I'm just, like, not into this

right now, intellectually.

Intellectually?

Are you serious?

Kind of.

Are you?

Kind of.

I was-l was talking

to Janet today,

and she was saying that,

last year,

she and Philip took a breather

and that it was, like-

it made 'em closer.

What?

Noit was just, like,

this thing that she said.

I just thought

it was interesting.

Are you saying you think

we should do that?

No, no, no.

I'm saying they did that.

Do you want to have sex

with other people?

No.

You want me to have sex

with other people?

No. No.

I think theirs was, like,

a "no sex" breather.

That's ridiculous.

If you don't want to be

with a person,

you should just break up

with 'em.

And that's what I said.

You did it, Matt.

Third place.

Third place? In what?

I didn't even know

this was a competition.

I would have had

more preparation.

Third place in what?

DustBustering.

Matt, it looks like

there's been a mistake.

You actually got first place.

You're so beautiful.

You have to move.

J'J'.

Thank you!

0w!

Matt?

. Abby...

What happened?

I got first place.

I'll go get a Band-Aid.

This is the first time

I remember thinking,

"Well, this seems dangerous.

Maybe I should see a doctor."

And then I thought,

"Maybe I'll eat dinner."

And I went with dinner.

And there's one more thing.

Elaine from my swim club

bought a rice cooker.

Thank you, dear.

Well, I'm just telling them

because...

- I know.

- It's part of...

You have a-

they have a rice cooker.

Thank you.

Well, we love the apartment.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

- Thank you.

- Thanks.

You gonna fix it up?

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