Sleepwalk with Me Page #4

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Um, yeah, well,

we want to paint,

and we want to maybe get some

curtains and that kind of thing.

Very bus!!...

I think it's perfect.

I have to say.

Linda, the dessert.

- We're not having dessert-

- Hush.

Your mother ordered a cake

from the internet.

Now sit.

Need some plates.

Wow.

So, Matt, we...

We heard about

the DustBuster Olympics.

You know, it's...

Linda, can you et-

you have the book in your purse.

Could you get the book for me,

please?

Yeah, I picked this up for you.

The Promise of Sleep.

Got one for myself as well.

Thanks.

Matt, can I see?

That's great, Dr. Pandamiglio.

That's exactly the kind of thing

we need.

There are some

dangerous situations

you can get yourself into.

You ought to see a specialist.

It was very minor.

It wasn't minor.

Well, I put in a call

to Dr. Latham.

He conducts these overnight

sleep studies.

I appreciate it, Dad,

but right now I'm really busy.

With what, folding napkins

into triangles?

This just doesn't seem like

a dinner conversation to me.

You know, Matthew, you say

you're gonna go see the doctor;

You don't.

You say you want to be

a comedian;

You're a bartender.

I mean, pick a goddamn plan

and stick with it.

He's kidding,

but he's not as funny as you.

You're not that funny.

But the good news is,

this business has nothing to do

with funny.

Some of these colleges,

I could book

a shining, blinking light

or some confetti

falling from the ceiling,

and most of these kids wouldn't

know the difference, really.

Right.

So, you know, the truth is,

Matt, that at your level,

I don't have very much

riht now.

But give it a year or two.

Stay in touch.

Yeah, I'll do any show.

You know, I know

I'm, like, level zero.

Well, I book a one-nighter

in Trenton on Tuesdays.

But it's mostly headliners.

And I have this gig at a college

upstate toniht.

I was gonna book someone...

Yeah. I mean, I could do that.

Yeah, I know.

But, you know,

it only pays $170.

And that's probably what it

would cost you in tolls and gas.

I mean, do you even have a car?

Yeah.

You want it?

Yeah.

All right.

Should have told me

you had a car.

Hey, Robbie.

Listen, I have

this fantastic guy for you.

Matt...

Pandamiglio.

Panda, piglio.

No.

Hilarious.

J'J'.

Continue straight.

Continue straight.

Release all that tension

that's down there

in that lower back

that we hold on to so tightly.

Breathe that mountain air

into your lungs.

And then release some sound.

Yeah.

Let's do some gentle

lip trills.

Hey, listen to this.

That agent we met, Colleen,

booked me at a gig for tonight.

It pays 170 bucks.

Yeah?

What is it? Where is it?

It's at this college in Utica.

Where are you?

I'm on the New York State

Thruway.

Who's driving?

Me.

Continue straight.

Wait, did you call Ron?

For what?

Aren't you supposed to be

working dinner tonight?

I totally forgot.

Okay, all right, I love you.

All right, bye.

Union Hall.

Hey, Ron, it's Matt.

Pandamiglio, where are you?

I'm, -well, listen.

I can't do my dinner shift

tonight.

What do you mean?

Well, I got, like, a gig,

like, a paid gig.

You have a gig.

It's called bartending.

Yeah, look.

I can get someone to fill in.

Let me just make some calls.

You know what? Forget it.

I'll do it myself.

Turn left

on University Boulevard.

Ha, You don't know

how to pronounce "boulevard."

This is a pretty campus.

It's nice.

Yeah, we like it.

So we kind of forgot

we booked a comedian.

So now we've got you

and this lip sync contest.

. Okay...

So I guess you could host

the lip sync contest.

You could still do your act

or whatever

but just introduce

the contestants.

It's a very popular event.

That sounds great.

Great.

You know, this used to be

a very popular event.

Last year, there were 19 entries

to this contest.

And this year, there are two.

And, you know, we don't

have to have this contest

if you don't want to have it.

I'm not doing it for me.

I'm doing it for you.

And now the big comedian,

Matt Pandapiglio.

. HGY...

That's not really my name.

But...

Y'all ready to lip sync?

I can't hear you.

That's my lip sync joke.

0K3)!...

Well, please welcome our first

contestant, Hilary Garnick!

J' When IsayJ'.

J' I want it that way J'.

J' Well, we J'.

J' Are two worlds J'.

J' Apart J'.

J' Can't reach to J'.

J' Your heart J'.

J' When you say J'.

J' That I want it that way J'.

J' Tell me why J'.

J' Ain't nothin' but a... J'.

It's so cool

that you're a comedian.

I mean, I can't even

imagine that.

You know, your whole job's

to tell jokes, right?

How do you even do that?

I don't even know.

Here you go.

J' I want it that way J'

IAmlJ'

J' Your fire? J'

J' Your one J'

J' Desire? J'

J' Yes, I know J'

J' It's too late J'

J' But I want it that way J'

J' Tell me why J'

J' Ain't nothin'

but a heartache J'

J' Tell me why J'

J' Ain't nothin'

but a mistake J'

"David and his men

were in the Wilderness of Maon

in the plain on the south

of Jeshimon."

J' I want it that way J'

Pizza Shack.

Hey, do you cut your slices

into triangles or squares?

Triangles.

Okay, good.

In the picture,

it looked like squares.

J' No matter the distance J'

J' I want you to know J'

J' That deep down inside... J'

So I guess the car

made it back to the city?

Yeah. Yeah.

. Okay...

Well, well, have you read

any of the book yet?

Thanks. Um, yeah.

Well, I'm reading

this interesting section.

It says that to avoid

these kinds of situations,

you need to think of sleep

as a gradual power-down.

So a few hours before bed,

turn off your phone,

turn off the news,

the internet,

and don't eat big meals.

Yeah, definitely.

Matthew, I'm gonna get you

some aromatherapy, okay?

Damn it, Linda.

Hang up the goddamn phone.

Why are you yelling?

All riht, look,

I made you an appointment

with Dr. Latham

for a sleep study on June 20th.

Okay, I could have

done that myself, Dad.

I can call.

It's okay. I made it.

Did you write it down,

the 20th?

Yeah.

I don't think

you're writing it.

- I wrote it again.

- Good.

You have a good night.

Try to get some sleep.

All right. Thanks, Dad.

All right, bye.

Hey, listen to this,

from Colleen.

"We had a fall-out at

a comedy club tomorrow night

"in Burlington, Vermont.

Pays 50 bucks."

This is amazing.

Cool.

So you'll be home Sunday, then?

Yeah, I think so.

And listen to this.

I get to open for Marc Mulheren.

How far is Burlington?

It's, um...

It's on the way.

All right, love you.

J'J'.

What do you mean by that?

Um, would it be possible

for you

to take me to The Comedy Factory

in Burlinton?

No.

I can take you to the garage

down the road.

All right.

Um, listen.

I'm really late

for this gig, so, like,

if there's anything

I can do, like...

Well... okay.

Is that how much it costs?

This is fine.

All right.

0K3)!...

One thing I should tell you

is that Colleen had asked me

if I could perform 30 minutes

of comedy for this gig.

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