Sleepwalk with Me Page #6

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to see you.

. Okay...

I don't know if this

is such a good idea.

I have a girlfriend.

Matt...

This just is what it is,

you know?

We're here.

Are you really gonna

deny yourself the experience

of just being in the present?

I guess so.

This will make you

more comfortable.

What is that?

It's a pizza pillow.

It's very good.

Yeah, you like it?

Yeah. I like the sauce.

Yeah? Do you want more...

The sauce is very good, yeah.

Yeah, it is good sauce.

Do you want more sauce?

Yeah, more sauce.

. Okay...

I'll go get you more sauce.

. Okay-. Okay...

Whoa!

Hey, I love the sauce.

It is very good sauce.

Do you like the sauce?

It's too hot!

The sauce is too hot!

It's too hot!

The-l like the sauce,

but it's too hot!

Hey, what are you doing, man?

Are you taking a shower?

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

Just had a weird dream.

Yeah, well, you know,

you're not supposed

to actually act them out

like that.

They're like movies, you know?

You just sort of watch 'em.

Matt, I got

a run of dates for you.

It's gonna hurt,

but you'll make

about 900 bucks

for six days of shows.

That sounds perfect.

Well, it's Hartford, Canton,

Lancaster...

And I think that

she wants to get married.

And I just decided I shouldn't

get married until I'm sure

that nothing else good

can happen in my life.

You know, I mean,

I just have this fear

that marriage

might be like school.

You know how when you're

real little and you think,

"Maybe some day

I'll get to go to school."

And then you go to school,

and that first week,

you're just like,

"How much longer

do I have to go to school?"

And they're like,

"17 more years."

And you're like, "No."

Colleen booked me.

It's good, right?

I mean, is that-is that cool?

Yeah. Yeah.

That's gonna be great for you.

Great.

Yeah, it's good, right?

Do you want to come?

To Lancaster?

I'm good.

My parents have been together

Yeah, no, but it's too long.

I think if the people

who invented marriage

knew that people were gonna be

married 40 years,

they'd be like, "Well, this

isn't what we intended at all."

You know, back then,

people only lived to be 40,

if they were lucky.

They'd be so confused.

They'd be like, "When were

they married, as babies?"

I don't approve of babies

marrying one another."

Like, you ever think

about that?

Hello?

Hi, Matt, it's Dawn

from Dr. Latham's office.

You missed your sleep study.

Right. Sorry.

Okay, listen, can I call you

back in, like, two minutes?

Sure.

You ever think about that,

that maybe in the future,

marriage will be

the new divorce?

People will be like,

"Yeah, I'm pretty messed up.

My parents are still together."

And people will be like,

"Wow, sounds really hard.

Is it a first marriage?"

And they'll be like, "Yeah."

I always have this fear

in relationships

that I'm gonna love someone

and then eventually hate them.

Before I tell you

this part of the story,

I want to remind you

that you're on my side.

Thank you guys very much.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

I'm on the road

for about six weeks,

and one night, I'm backstage

at a comedy club in Ohio.

Hey, I'm closing out my tabs

for the night.

You want another drink?

Or another appetizer or entree?

Am I eating that much?

That's embarrassing.

Are you kidding?

You haven't even tried

our popcorn yet.

I'm saving room

for the popcorn.

I heard it's imported

from a carnival.

Who you writing to?

This is to my girlfriend.

You have a girlfriend.

Yeah, yeah, we've been

together since...

That's cool.

So tell me if you think

this is crazy.

My other job is at Hooters,

which is really crazy

because one of my b*obs

is bigger than the other boob.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah.

Do you want to see them?

Your b*obs?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cool.

I mean, not...

You know,

I didn't think you were...

I thought you were kidding.

I didn't know

you were actually gonna...

you know, I didn't know

you were gonna actually

do it right now.

You know, there's just...

There's people here.

I don't think that's a good...

No. Pretty much everyonds gone.

Well.

Mm.

I don't want to-l have-

sorry, I have-l...

What are you doing?

Sorry. l.

Sometimes I have

this trouble breathing.

I have a girlfriend, and I

probably shouldn't be here and...

Yeah, no, I know the drill.

I did not know the drill.

But I knew I shouldn't be there,

and so I left the situation.

And a few hours later,

after several drinks...

I reentered the situation.

And the next day, I drove

to my sister Janet's wedding.

So how was your trip?

It was good.

It was good.

Yeah? Did anything happen?

What do you mean?

I don't know.

You're just acting

kind of weird.

I think you're acting weird.

Really? How?

By asking me how my trip was.

And I felt guilt and shame.

But I also felt like this kind

of thing might happen again.

And I knew I shouldn't be

getting married.

And you may kiss.

Your mother and I did this

At a certain point,

you got to zig or zag.

All right.

Mom, Mom, a little closer,

please.

Straighten up. Stop fussing.

And say "haPPY-"

all:
HaPPY...

All right,

just the bride's family.

Let's get

the bride's family only.

All right, uncle up a step.

Up two steps.

- Two steps.

- Aunt, down.

Matt, don't you want Abby

in the picture?

Um...

Of course he does.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course. Yeah, yeah.

Come on. Come on over.

This is your spot, right here.

. Okay...

Happy...

all:
HaPPY...

I can park.

No, that's okay.

I'm gonna meet up with Hannah

anyway.

Now?

Yeah.

You want me to come?

No, I'm good.

Hi, this is Abby.

And you are?

Hey, it's me.

I was just calling to see

what's up,

like, where you are

and everything.

This is Abby.

And you are?

. HGY...

HEY...

And you are?

Me again, calling.

Just...

At 4:
00 a.m., Abby walked in,

and she was crying,

and she was drunk.

And I said,

"Abby, where were you?"

And she said, "if we're not

gonna get married",

I got to figure

something else out."

What are you... Stop it.

Give me my bag, Matt.

What is the difference?

- You are not doing this.

- Why don't you let go?

I've just been so...

I love you, you know?

I just think that we...

I'm not...

We should just get married.

No.

Yeah, I'll get a ring,

and we'll get...

rent that cabana down by

my parents' beach house.

No.

I really think that

this is what we should do.

No.

We have to.

I mean, I can't imagine life

without you.

I think that

we should just do it.

I think we should just...

Finally she said, "When?"

Now, what I should have said

was,

"Can we talk about this

next summer?"

What I did say was...

Next summer.

And that's how I got engaged.

I know.

I'm in the future also.

J' Well, we J'

J' Ain't got a barrel

of money J'

J' Maybe we're ragged and funny J'

J' But we'll travel along,

singing our song J'

J' Side by side J'

J' Don't know what's coming

tomorrow J'

J' Maybe there's trouble

and sorrow J'

J' But we'll travel the road,

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