Sleuth Page #3

I'll phone the electrician

in the morning.

In the morning? What about now?

No, he'll be in bed.

You know these country people.

Early to bed, early to rise.

He's a nice chap. He's called Norman.

Charming wife, Debbie.

Three delightful kids.

Oh, I've just remembered.

He's on vacation.

- He's taken the kids to Bermuda.

- What?

So I'm stuck up here

for the rest of my life?

Have patience.

Stoicism is what's called for.

Works wonders. Oh, wait a minute.

There's an emergency button

on the wall. You see it?

That's it. Just press it...

...and all will be well.

There it is.

Careful. Be careful.

That's it.

- Careful.

- Is this as far as it will go?

Jump.

- Oh, Christ!

- Wonderful.

- Very, very impressed.

- I thought I was gonna die.

- You will.

- So, what the f*** do I do now?

- You open the safe.

- Where is it? How do I open it?

Wait a minute.

You don't know where it is.

You've got to find it,

you've got to look for it.

Where is it?

Start in the bedroom.

- How are you feeling?

- Okay, all right.

- Excited?

- Quite, yes.

You're a cool customer, I like that.

Okay.

Open the wardrobe.

Open the drawers.

Throw things around.

You're looking for the safe.

It's up here somewhere.

Play it for real.

Kick the place to death.

You're a desperate man.

Safes are always kept

behind paintings, aren't they?

What are you doing?

I'm a desperate man, aren't I?

That's what you said.

The man is a barbarian.

- Where's the f***ing safe?

- Well, open the chest of drawers.

- It's locked.

- Kick it to death.

And this is where I hear you.

You hear me?

Yes, I'm asleep in the study.

That's where I sleep these days.

I can't sleep in the bed

without my wife, you see.

I hear you, I come into the bedroom.

And I find you.

And then?

- I attack you.

- How?

Like this. And this.

- That hurt.

- So sorry.

Then, you get out your knife.

I don't have a knife.

I do.

- You threaten me with it.

- You're threatening me.

No, I'm playing you.

This is what you do.

You want to know

where the safe is...

...what the combination is,

so you terrorize me with this knife.

- Take it easy.

- You can see I'm ruthless.

I'm unpredictable.

I'm probably a killer.

And I'm certainly

very, very dangerous.

But you? You're obstinate.

- Me or you?

- I'm you, you're me, you get it?

Now, the jewels

are worth a lot of money.

You won't give in...

...but I get out my gun.

I'm still you, by the way.

But then, to make it clear

that I mean business...

Bull's-eye.

Bull's-eye.

Finally, you give in.

You're so terrified...

...you show me where the safe is.

It is behind that.

Magic.

And you're so frightened,

you give me the combination.

Wait a minute. Am I me now?

- Or are you me?

- No, you're now you.

- You're now you.

- Me?

- No, no.

- Or are you still me?

You're now you. And I'm now me.

Open the safe.

It was our wedding day.

The 19th of November, 1994.

Jesus.

What do you think?

They're quite beautiful.

Put them in your pocket.

Eight hundred

thousand pounds, eh?

That's what I said.

Okay.

So far, so good.

Hey, you'd better give me

the address of that fence.

- What fence?

- The fence in Amsterdam.

Oh, that fence.

Listen, you put that gun down.

Why?

It's pointing directly at me.

I'm not very happy about it.

Why not?

- Look, is this a game?

- This is the real game.

The real game has just begun.

What's the real game?

You and me.

You, defenseless. Me, with a gun.

It's the end of the jewelry story,

you see.

- Oh, is it?

- Yeah.

I enjoyed it, though.

I'm not enjoying this.

I don't blame you.

What's it all about?

Oh, come on. Buck your ideas up.

You really didn't think I was gonna

let you have my wife and the jewels?

You're joking.

You've been leading me

up the garden.

Right up.

Stand on the bed.

Listen. Wait a minute.

Before you do anything,

there's something I must tell you.

- What?

- Maggie respects you.

- Really?

- Yes.

She often says

you're a man of true integrity...

...that you're a really decent guy.

She's right. I'm a really decent guy.

- I believe it.

- She's quite right.

I'm a really decent guy.

I know you are. I know you are.

And that's what she often says.

You're... She admires your mind.

- She admires my mind?

- Yes.

- Your mind excites her.

- Sexually?

Very. Your mind

excites your wife sexually.

- What about my body?

- What about it?

Well, what does she say

about my body?

Do you know,

I don't think she's ever mentioned it.

You're a prick.

- Where does my prick come into it?

- I can guess where it comes in.

But I wasn't talking

about your prick.

- I was calling you a prick.

- Oh, thanks.

But you know

what you are now, though?

What?

- You're a dead duck.

- Really?

This is the way

the story goes to the police.

I find you in my house,

you threaten me.

You open the safe,

you take the jewels.

You put them in your pocket.

I manage to grab the gun

while you're looking at the jewels.

There's a struggle.

The gun goes off.

Suddenly, I realize you're dead.

You're gonna shoot me.

- What do you think?

- Why?

I planned all this from the word go.

I've always longed for

an intimate chat with a hairdresser.

Especially a hairdresser

who is f***ing my wife.

I'm not a hairdresser!

My wife is mine! She belongs to me!

And I'm her husband!

And what you've done is this.

You've invited yourself

to attend your own death.

Please.

No, don't do it.

Please don't shoot me.

Please don't shoot me, please!

I'll just get in my car and go, okay?

That's all.

You'll never see me again.

You're crazy.

No, you're not crazy.

You just got things wrong.

I don't want your wife. I hate women.

You hear me?

I hate women. I hate your wife!

You've absolutely

no reason to be jealous.

Women are not my scene.

I'd rather do it with a dog or a goat.

Or a boy I knew at school.

His name was Dooley.

I called him Dolores.

I hate women!

Honest. God's honor.

Do you believe in God?

Just shut up.

I'm asking the questions, not you.

- How long have you known him?

- I don't know him. I've never met him.

What are you? A joker?

Yes?

Andrew Wyke?

Yes.

Detective Inspector Black.

New Scotland Yard. Eddie Black.

I'd like a word with you.

A word?

That's right.

What about?

Can I come in?

Yes. Yes, of course.

Like a drink?

Got any beer?

Beer? Yes.

You're the writer.

You write crime books.

That's right.

I've read a couple.

Right on the button.

Oh, that's a great compliment.

How do you know so much about it?

What?

Villainy.

Crime. Horror.

Imagination.

Imagination.

Clever.

I do my best.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

I see you got

a broken window up there.

Tropical storm the other night.

Bit of a hurricane, terrifying.

A great branch broke off a big tree...

...and flew through the air

through the skylight...

...as you can see.

Act of God.

Had it in for you, did he?

- Who?

- God.

Oh, yes, he's always been

a vicious bastard.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote