Small Time Crooks Page #7

Boy, you are a dummy.

Don't give me "perspective."

Take a hike. Take a hike.

Twenty-eight.

- Four. Fifty-one.

- Levoxyl.

U-ni-tycon.

Eighty-seven.

- Ninety... four.

- Darvocet.

Red-du-tem-puh.

- I'm hungry. Can we get outta here?

- You're always hungry.

- Why don't you try and learn something?

- There's nothing to learn.

- Interesting fact. This is where

Henry James lived. - Who?

- The bandleader, stupid.

- Married to Betty Grable? I knew that.

No, you're thinking of

Harry James the trumpeter.

Henry James married to Grable.

- Henry James, the author. Yeah?

- Oh.

This is where he lived

and where he worked, and...

Where did he eat? I'm hungry.

I don't care where he lived.

I remember.

The Hair-ess, right?

- The "H" is silent.

- Oh, did he write that too?

Oh, gee.

Frenchy, I'm still sick.

I'm weak. I'm weak.

I can't go.

You're gonna miss a very interesting

"Great Books" discussion.

I know. It kills me.

It just kills me.

But I'm just gonna lay here.

I'll see you when you come back.

- How are you?

- Hello.

Ray's got a cold.

- I bet 500.

- Five hundred?

- See your five, raise you 500.

- I'm outta here.

I see the five...

and a thou.

What'd you think

of the book?

Well, I thought

it was very romantic.

I mean, he loved her but their

backgrounds were so different.

Right. So, what? You thought

he was doomed from the start?

I guess,

'cause he wound up dead.

But, uh, I think that two people from

different backgrounds can make it...

...if, uh, the juice is there.

- Right. Sorry. Juice is...

- You know, the hots.

Right.

Wine.

Would you like some wine?

I brought over a bottle

of Chateau Margaux.

Ah, that's brilliant, because we can

compare that to my Clos de la Roche...

...and you can see the difference

between a Bordeaux and a Burgundy.

I've got two other Burgundies

of the same vintage...

...that I thought might

be fun for us to try.

I'll see your five

and raise you a thou.

I'll see it and

raise you a thousand more.

And a thousand.

- And a thousand.

- Okay. Call.

Read'em and weep.

A pair of threes.

Oh, good.

I thought you were bluffing.

What do you want

to play now?

What about Indian poker?

Seven cards.

You hold your cards over your head.

Nobody sees their hand.

We bet on each other's hand.

High-low, maybe some wild cards.

All the reds.

Wanna sit down, May?

How about Old Maid?

Do you play Old Maid?

So, um... try this one.

Okay.

Nice nose.

Yeah. The bouquet

is very special.

No, no. I mean

you got a nice nose.

- Me?

- Yeah.

I don't know how to describe it.

It's like, kinda...

- It's just any old nose, I think.

- Aquiline.

Um, talking of which,

how is your vocabulary coming along?

Oh, very good. I'm almost through

all the "A" words in the dictionary.

Right, right. The thing is,

I'm not 100 percent convinced...

...that memorizing the dictionary is

the best way to improve your vocabulary.

Hmm.

I can't believe you found

a buyer for the Damon Dexter so fast.

And at such a good price. It'll really

take a bite out of our debts.

Oliver, it's dawning on me that

the opportunity has arisen...

...for me to become

quite obscenely rich.

How serious are they about

building an art collection?

That would be peanuts.

What, then?

Well, I think that she

might be falling for me.

Frenchy Winkler?

How much do you think

she's worth, roughly?

- Her husband you mean.

- No, it's all in her name.

She's the cookie mogul.

- What are you saying?

- I don't know. I suppose I'm saying...

...people grow and

marriages sadly break up.

And women remarry,

you know?

Fortunes,

they change hands.

- What is this? -It's a Damon Dexter,

a discovery of David's.

I say it's depressing.

Knock it off. You wouldn't know

a masterpiece if it bit you in the ass.

- I refuse to look at this, Frenchy.

- What is that supposed to mean?

It means as long as this is on

that wall, I don't look at that wall.

- You're a head case! -I'll bet

David made a big profit on this.

Hey, whose cookies

pay the rent, huh?

I think he's making a fool outta you.

Stevens, come here.

Tell me what time it is.

I no longer look at this wall.

- 11:
00 a.m., sir.

- Thank you very much.

- David, what's this?

- Oh, well, that's a citrine necklace.

- You know about citrines?

- No.

They're not one of

the precious stones.

But the luster's always been considered

very special and unique.

- And that? Look!

- Ah, yeah.

Well, if we're talking

about luster...

...this is something very special

and I'd imagine very, very expensive.

It's a cigarette case encrusted with

diamonds that belonged to the Duke of Windsor.

- I know the Duke of Windsor!

- Yeah?

He also married

beneath his station, right?

- He did, like our friend Henry Higgins.

- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God,

the Duke and Duchess.

It was such a romantic story.

I saw it on television.

Uh-huh?

Ray? Ray!

What are you doin' here?

I'm havin' Chinese food. That's what

they serve in a Chinese restaurant.

You want some company?

Who?

What do you mean?

Me. Who's talkin' to you?

Well, where's Frenchy?

Frenchy's at some piano concert

with a guy.

Oh. Well, they...

They have take out here, but I don't

think they'll deliver to a concert.

Don't worry about it, May.

Frenchy'll eat.

Dinner was so great! You know?

All that M.S.G. and the grease.

It was... What a treat!

I'm so sick of continental food

every night.

Frenchy eats frogs' legs!

- It's supposed to taste like chicken.

- Rabbit.

- Rabbit tastes like frogs' legs?

- No. Forget it.

Are you happy being rich?

It's okay. I got a lot of charge

accounts and a really nice apartment.

I got a maid.

I'm still a little lonely, though.

Yeah? How come?

That guy I was seeing left me...

...because he just was

so embarrassed about being poor.

And he hated that I'd pay

for everything.

So then I stopped paying.

And actually, that's when he left me.

- I can understand your...

- You enjoy being rich?

- I hate it!

- You're kidding?

No, I hate it. I'm telling you.

I hate the life.

- And it's causin' me to lose Frenchy.

- What do you mean?

I mean, she's outgrowing me.

That's just what she said.

She's like

a different person now.

I think she's developing a crush

on her teacher David.

Yeah. Well, you know,

he's very good-looking...

...and he's bright and very

charming and very elegant.

Okay, May, I got the picture.

It's all right.

You know, my God, you really know

how to make a guy feel good.

- Well, when you're right, you're right.

- Thank you.

What did you think of her playing?

I just gotta tell ya, I thought

the whole evening was apocalyptic.

- Apocalyptic? Really?

- Yes! I really was agog.

Well, me too.

I mean, she's fabulous.

She's fabulous and I have to

asseverate, she deserves accolades.

- Frances, you've been memorizing the

dictionary. - Yeah, I got the "A's".

Next week the "B's".

Right?

How do I look?

I have to say that that dress

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