Small Timers Page #3

MR. FANCY PANTS CAN

SIT UP THERE:

ON TOP OF ALL HIS BIG MONEY

AND BIG HOUSE:

UNTIL HE DROPS DEAD.

BUT YOU HAVE TWO THINGS

THAT ARE WAY MORE IMPORTANT.

AND WHAT'S THAT?

THIS.

AND THIS.

I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING,

BABE.

WAREHOUSE STOCK BOY.

MM. JANITOR.

DOOKIE SCRAPER.

NO, NO, HELL NO!

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO,

MAN?

Chris:
NO. NO. NEVER.

IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN,

MAN.

DUDE, THIS CAN WORK, MAN.

ANTOINE, WE DON'T KNOW

ENOUGH ABOUT ALARM SYSTEMS

TO BE BREAKING INTO A BANK

AT NIGHT.

WE DON'T HAVE TO.

WELL DO I IN THE DAYTIME.

WHAT?

YOU SAID WE WOULD NEVER DO

A STICKUP.

YOU SAID:

WE WOULD NEVER USE GUNS.

YOU SAID WE'RE NO JUST YOUR AVERAGE STREET THUGS

WE DON'T HAVE TO USE GUNS,

MAN.

I GOT A PLAN.

GUNS SCARE ME, MAN.

NO MEANS NO, ANTOINE.

I CAN'T AFFORD TO GET PINCHED

FOR ROBBING A BANK, MAN.

I GOT A LITTLE KID

TO THINK ABOUT.

YEAH, WELL, SO DO I.

WHAT?

JALISSA'S PREGNANT.

FOR REAL?

LOOK, MAN,

I NEED THIS.

WE ALL NEED THIS.

LOOK, I'M TELLING YOU, MAN,

THIS CAN WORK.

TRUST ME.

[ SIGHS ]

ALL RIGHT.

GONNA AT LEAST LISTEN

TO IT.

OKAY,

THIS IS WHAT WE DO.

WE HIJACK:

CANS OF SEVOFLURANE.

IT'S WHAT DOCS USE

TO KNOCK OUT THEIR PATIENTS.

WE MAKE OUR WAY:

TO THE ROOF OF THE BANK.

WE BREAK OPEN:

THE A.C. UNIT,

AND WE SEEP THE GAS

INTO THE VENTILATION SYSTEM.

EVERY FRIDAY AT 2:00,

THEY OPEN THE VAUL TO DO A CASH DROP.

WE TIME THE GAS:

WITH THE OPENING OF THE VAULT,

AND THEN WE WAIT.

AFTER 10, 15 MINUTES,

EVERYBODY IN THE BANK WILL BE

KNOCKED OUT.

THEN WE JUST MAKE OUR WAY

IN THE BANK.

INSIDE THE VAULT,

THERE ARE SAFETY DEPOSIT BOXES

WE SKIP THOSE:

AND GO STRAIGHT FOR THE CASH.

THE SECURITY CAMERAS CAPTURE

FOOTAGE:

ONTO A HARD DRIVE

IN THE BACK ROOM.

WE TAKE THE HARD DRIVE,

TAKE THE CASH,

AND THEN WE SPLIT.

WITH NO SECURITY FOOTAGE,

NO WITNESSES,

NO WAY TO TIE US

TO THE CRIME SCENE.

SO?

SAYING:

HOW YOU JUST GOT FIRED --

WON'T THAT AUTOMATICALLY

MAKE YOU A SUSPECT?

NO. I GOT IT, MAN.

I CAN HANDLE IT.

WHERE WE GONNA GE THE CANS OF SEVOF--

FLAVOR FLAV?

WHEN THE LAST TIME YOU FELLAS

BEEN TO THE DENTIST?

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

HEY.

UH, G-GOOD AFTERNOON MA'AM.

WERE WITH THE GLACIER SPRINGS

WATER DELIVERY,

AND, UH, WE'RE HERE

TO REPLACE YOUR JUGS

DUE TO CONTAMINATION.

CONTAMINATED WITH WHAT?

FLESH-EATING BACTERIA, MA'AM.

IT'S COOL, 'CAUSE YOU KNOW

IT TAKE ABOUT A DAY OR SO

BEFORE YOUR FACE ROTS OFF

AND THEN YOUR MUCUS

STARTS FALLING INTO YOUR TEETH,

AND THEN YOUR TEETH FALL OUT,

AND THEN YOU HAVE

INTESTINAL PROBLEMS,

AND THEN YOU HAVE DIARRHEA,

AND THEN:

IT SHOOT OUT YOUR BUTT!

[ STOMPS ]

AND -- [ GRUNTS ]

I HAVE BEEN:

HAVING DIARRHEA TODAY.

WHERE YOU KEEP:

THE REST OF YOUR JUGS?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

WHOO:

HEY, YO,

I THINK THIS IS IT.

MAN, YOU LEF THE DAMN DOLLY, MAN.

ALL RIGHT.

[ ELECTRICITY ZAPS ]

UH, WHAT?

HEY, GO GET SOME LIGHT BULBS.

WHAT?

GET SOME LIGHT BULBS.

I AIN'T FEEL LIKE

GETTING NO DAMN LIGHT BULBS.

IF YOU WANT A LIGHT,

I GOT A LIGHTER RIGHT HERE, MAN.

BOY,

THIS STUFF IS FLAMMABLE!

YOU WANT US TO BLOW UP?!

GO LOOK AROUND.

[ DOOR SQUEAKS ]

[ SIGHS ]

EXCUSE ME.

[ EXHALES FORCEFULLY ]

MAY I ASK:

WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE?

HEY.

H-H-H-HOW'S IT GOING?

UH, I'M WITH THE GLACIER SPRINGS

WATER DELIVERY COMPANY SERVICE,

AND WERE JUST HERE, UH,

REPLACING YOUR JUGS

DUE TO CONTAMINATION.

CONTAMINATION?

YES, SIR.

WHAT SORT OF CONTAMINATION?

UH...

UH...

MAYBE I COULD, UH,

YOU KNOW --

I COULD GE YOUR E-MAIL OR SOMETHING.

ANTOINE:
Ricardo.

WHAT IT IS?

Hey,

we got to go to plan B.

Chris is in trouble.

YOU MEAN I GET TO COME IN?

Hurry up!

UH, YOU KNOW,

ITS KIND OF HARD TO SAY.

I'M -- I'M NOT AN EXPER ON, YOU KNOW, SCIENCE.

[ Spanish accent ]

I DRIVE THE TRUCK OUTSIDE,

AND, UH,

I WAS SITTING IN THE TRUCK,

AND I WASN'T FEELING GOOD.

I WANTED TO THROW UP,

AND, UH --

EXCUSE ME.

[ RETCHING ]

SIR, ARE YOU [GASPS]

[ RETCHING CONTINUES ]

OH, OH, OH!

SIR,

ARE YOU GOING TO BE OKAY?

NO, I THINK I'M CONSTIPATED

OUT OF THE MOUTH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK

TO YOUR SUPERVISOR RIGHT NOW,

SO WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD

AND GIVE ME THAT NUMBER?

THIS WAY, IF YOU JUST --

[ GROANS ]

OH, SIR.

MY LEGS:

AREN'T WORKING WITH ME.

COME ON,

YOU SONS OF B*TCHES!

I'M NOT FEELING GOOD!

OH! OH!

OH!

OH! DOCTOR!

DON'T MOVE.

YEAH.

DOCTOR!

GRACE?

GRACE? WHAT'S WRONG?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

WHAT'S WRONG?

IS HE GOING:

INTO CARDIAC ARREST?

I'LL HAVE --

CALL THE PARAMEDICS, ALL RIGHT?!

CALL THE PARAMEDICS!

HEY, HEY, ANTOINE,

JUST GRAB WHAT YOU CAN,

AND LET'S GO AND LOAD IT UP.

WHAT YOU GOT?

[ RICARDO SCREAMING ]

WE NEED IT QUICK.

HE'S CHOKING

ON HIS OWN SPIT.

GRACE, STOP HIM.

STOP HIM.

ALL RIGHT.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA

BE ALL RIGHT.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA

BE ALL RIGHT, SIR.

AAAAAH!

SIR, CALM DOWN!

[ SCREAMING STOPS ]

EXCUSE ME.

I'M FEELING

A LOT BETTER.

JUST...

SORRY.

THANK YOU.

YOU DID GOOD.

YOU DID GOOD.

OHH!

MY STOMACH, UH...

THIS IS:

A NICE PLACE HERE.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

Man:

YOU LEFT MY BABY WHERE?

ALL RIGHT, NOW, MY SUGGESTION

WOULD BE THE PREMIUM ACCOUN BECAUSE, AS THE NAME SUGGESTS,

IT HAS THE BEST BENEFITS.

IS THIS THE ONLY PLAN

THAT HAS FREE CHECKING, THOUGH?

LET ME CHECK.

[ CHUCKLES ]

"LET ME CHECK."

EXCUSE ME?

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU SAID, "LET ME CHECK."

YOU MADE A PUN.

[ LAUGHS ]

I GUESS I DID.

I GUESS:

IT DIDN'T REGISTER.

REGISTER!

[ LAUGHS ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

I MADE ANOTHER ONE!

[ LAUGHING ]

[ LAUGHING ]

DEPOSITORY THIS FOR ME.

DEPOSITORY!

DEPOSITORY.

[ LAUGHING CONTINUES ]

[ LAUGHING ]

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

OHHHH!

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME PEE.

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME PEE!

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

WHAT IN THE HELL

ARE THEY DOING?

WHAT?

RICARDO,

CHECK THE CANISTER.

SEE WHAT IT SAYS.

WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THIS

EARLIER, MAN?

IT SAYS "NITROUS OXIDE."

[ COUGHING ]

MAN, THAT'S LAUGHING GAS,

MAN. WHAT...?

[ SIGHS ]

YOU STOLE IT.

MIGHT AS WELL.

WHAT?

COME ON.

OHH.

OH, YEAH,

I'M ABOUT TO DO THIS!

RICARDO, I SAID PANTYHOSE,

NOT PANTIES.

OH...PANTYHOSE!

LET'S GO!

NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU STAYING HERE.

WHY, MAN?

'CAUSE YOU GOT PANTIES

ON YOUR HEAD.

'CAUSE YOU GOT PANTIES

ON YOUR HEAD.

LOOK.

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.

STAY IN THE CAR,

KEEP IT RUNNING,

WE'LL BE IN AND OUT.

I HOPE YOU GET CAUGHT.

I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

ALL RIGHT,

GRAB THE ONES ON THE LEFT.

THE ONES ON THE RIGH ARE FITTED WITH DYE PACKS.

ON THE LEFT...

RIGHT.

ON THE...

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MAN --

MAN, TAKE THESE PANTIES

OFF YOUR HEAD!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHY AREN'T YOU

IN THE CAR?

IT WAS HOT. I FARTED.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STAY

IN THE CAR.

GET YOUR ASS:

OUT OF HERE.

STAY IN THE CAR:

AND WATCH OUT!

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

[ SQUEALS ]

JADE?

[ BARKING ]

AAH!

EEEE! EEEE!

HOLD MY FEET!

[ CASH REGISTER DINGS ]

RICARDO, LET'S GO!

OH, DAMN!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

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