Small Timers Page #4

WHAT THE HELL:

HAPPENED TO YOU?

MR. ROGERS

DONE BROKE HIS NECK, HUH?

[ SIGHS ]

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAN?

YOU GET ANYTHING?

MNH-MNH.

ME EITHER, MAN.

WHERE'S THIS FAT-CA OWNER AT, MAN?

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE

LIKE 30 MINUTES AGO.

YOU THE OWNER?

[ SIGHS ]

YES, THIS IS MY BANK.

WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

HEY, I'M DETECTIVE WHITE,

AND THIS IS DETECTIVE MEEKS.

LIKE I TOLD YOU:

ON THE PHONE,

WE GOT TWO OR THREE

ASSAILANTS,

SOME NITROUS-OXIDE

GAS CANISTERS ON THE ROOF.

THAT'S ALL WE HAVE

FOR RIGHT NOW.

MIDDA RUDDO, VENEEDA --

VENEEDA ASSUAFEW KESSION.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

HE SAID WE NEED TO

ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS.

MM.

PSHHH.

YUYA WYGOT BIGTITTY?

E-EXCUSE ME?

HE WAS SAYING, "DO YOU

AND YOUR WIFE LIVE IN THE CITY?"

YES, BUT HOW IS

THAT RELEVANT?

WHEASKA KESSIONS.

CAN YOU THINK OF ANYBODY

THAT WOULD WANT TO ROB YOU?

LET'S SEE, I DON'T KNOW.

I SUPPOSE ANYONE THA WOULD WANT FREE MONEY.

ESSAFLO.

AIGGH MEDENNA BAKKAP.

JUST ONE MORE QUESTION.

WHERE WERE YOU:

ABOUT A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO?

DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK

THAT I WOULD ROB MY OWN BANK?

LISTEN, WE HAVE TO CONSIDER

ALL POSSIBILITIES.

THAT'S INCLUDING

BANK FRAUD.

MM-HMM.

YES, WELL,

I WAS WITH MY WIFE.

ALL DAY.

OKAY.

I DON'T HAVE

ANY MORE QUESTIONS, MAN.

UH, MIDDA RUDDO,

TANDU SUKKADIC?

I'M SORRY. WHAT DID

YOU JUST SAY TO ME?

WOULD YOU MIND:

REPEATING THAT, PLEASE?

HE WAS JUST SAYING

COULD YOU TAKE THIS

AND GO AHEAD AND WRITE DOWN

YOUR STATEMENT.

[ PAPER RUSTLES ]

LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION,

DETECTIVE MEEKS.

HOW DOES A MAN:

SUCH AS YOURSELF

OBTAIN A POSITION

ON THE POLICE FORCE?

I WOULD THINK WITH YOUR LACK

OF COMMUNICATIVE SKILLS,

YOU WOULD BE NOT ONLY

A HINDRANCE,

BUT AN ANNOYANCE,

AS WELL.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

HEY, STEP BACK NOW.

YOU OKAY?

YOU BIGGER THAN THAT.

THAT'S THE FINEST DETECTIVE

RIGHT THERE IN THE WORLD, OKAY?

HE TOOK ONE IN THE LEG,

HE TOOK TWO IN THE GUT,

AND TWO IN THE MOUTH.

WHERE IS IT?!

NOOOO!!

YOU THERE, GET IN HERE.

YES, SIR?

EARLIER TODAY,

DID A MAN BRING IN AN ITEM

AND LEAVE IT FOR ME?

AN ITEM?

I'M NOT --

I'M NOT SURE, SIR.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

YOU'RE NOT SURE?

YOU'RE THE BANK MANAGER.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OVERSEEING

ALL BUSINESS TRANSACTIONS,

ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY

PERTAIN TO ME.

WELL, I...COULD ASK THE TELLERS

IF ANYBODY CAME BY.

YOU DO THAT.

Chris:
THERE IT IS.

HOW MUCH:

YOU THINK WE GOT, MAN?

I DON'T KNOW, BRUH.

ITS HARD TO SAY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

WE PULLED THIS OFF.

IT'S THE REAL DEAL!

THIS IS BETTER:

THAN SEX, SON!

JACKIN' OFF

DON'T COUNT.

YEAH, IT DOES.

BUT YOU A VIRGIN.

YO, OPEN THE MONEY.

THAT'S WHY I DON' MESS AROUND WITH VIRGINS.

OPEN IT.

OHH! [ SQUEALS ]

OH, NOW,

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

THAT'S SO GOOD!

THAT IS BEAUTIFUL!

THAT'S SO GOOD!

IT IS, LORD.

HELP US, JESUS.

OH!

[ BEEPING ]

ONE OF Y'ALL GOT A WATCH?

NAW, I LOST MINE.

[ BEEPING CONTINUES ]

[ BEEPING ACCELERATES ]

OH, SNAP, SON.

OKAY, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

FIRST I'M GONNA CRY,

AND THEN...I'M JUS GOING TO SIT HERE.

WHAT HAPPENED:

TO THE MONEY?

HEY, HEY, HEY.

THE MONEY!

WE CAN FIX THIS.

WE CANT FIX THIS, MAN.

THIS IS A TRAGEDY.

DO YOU SEE THIS?

ALL THAT WORK:

AND WHAT WE GOT?

NOTHIN'!

NO MONEY AND A FREE DYE JOB

THAT SAYS,

"HEY, WE THE DUMBASS NIGGAZ

THAT ROBBED THE BANK.

TAKE US TO JAIL."

I'M HISPANIC.

ANTOINE?

HEY, BABY.

YOU'RE HOME EARLY.

I WAS JUST TRYING

TO SURPRISE YOU.

THAT'S TWO DAYS

IN A ROW.

SURPRISE!

RIGHT, JUST LIE TO ME.

JUST LIE TO JALISSA,

THAT'S FINE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHERE YOU GOING?

DON'T LIE TO ME, ANTOINE!

I DIDN'T SAY NOTHIN'!

WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY?

WE...WON THE LOTTERY.

THE L--

THE SCRATCH-OFF.

AND THEY GAVE US

THE BAG OF M-MONEY.

SHUT UP, LET ME SEE.

RICARDO, MY EYE.

AND YOU SAID:

YOU DIDN'T LIKE WALLS,

SO WE WAS LIKE,

"HEY, LET'S PAINT IT RED!"

[ STOMPS ]

I HEARD ABOUT IT AT WORK.

A BANK GOT ROBBED --

YOUR BANK.

YOU GONNA TELL ME

THAT WASN'T YOU?

MY STOMACH HURTS.

TELL ME THE TRUTH!

OKAY.

WE DID IT.

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

DID ANYBODY GET HURT?

NO, NO. NO.

NOBODY GOT HURT.

I TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING.

THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS US.

WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO

SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

BECAUSE!

BECAUSE LIFE IS NOT FAIR!

BECAUSE WE BARELY GET BY

AS IT IS,

AND THEN THEY GOT TO GO

FIRE ME:

FOR SOMETHING THAT WASN' EVEN MY FAULT!

BABY, I'M TIRED

OF NOT BEING ABLE

TO GIVE YOU THINGS

YOU DESERVE.

I'M TIRED

OF BEING A NOBODY.

ALL I NEED FROM YOU

IS LOVE, RESPECT, AND TRUTH.

YOU'RE NOT A NOBODY

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

YOU HAVE A BRILLIANT MIND,

ANTOINE.

YOU JUST DON'T APPLY I TO THE RIGHT THINGS.

I JUST WANTED TO FEEL

SUCCESSFUL FOR ONCE.

WELL, ROBBING A BANK

IS NOT THE ANSWER!

EVEN IF YOU GET IT RIGHT,

YOU'RE STILL WRONG!

HEY, AFTER THIS,

CAN WE GO GET SOME TACOS?

YOU THINK ANTOINE

WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT?

RICARDO, SHUT UP, MAN!

IS THIS THE FIRST TIME

YOU'VE DONE SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

AND YOU THINK:

YOU KNOW SOMEBODY.

WHERE YOU GOING?

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

SO YOU JUST GONNA LEAVE?

WHOA, WHERE YOU GOING?

BABY, DON'T GO.

J! BABY,

WE CAN FIX THIS.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

JA--

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

MR. REESE SYKES

TO SEE YOU, SIR.

YOUR REPUTATION:

PRECEDES YOU.

HOW MAY I BE OF SERVICE?

I'VE HEARD THAT YOU'RE A MAN

WHO'S VERY SKILLED

AT RETRIEVING VALUABLE ITEMS

USING BRUTE FORCE.

AM I MISTAKEN?

I ONCE CUT OFF A MAN'S ANUS

AND MADE HIM F*** IT.

[ AIR WHOOSHES ]

VERY GOOD!

YOU'RE HIRED.

NOW, I'D LIKE YOU

TO GET YOUR HANDS

ON A CERTAIN PHALLUS.

I DON'T DO

THAT KIND OF WORK.

NO, NO.

THE "CAESAR'S PHALLUS."

MM.

PERHAPS YOU'VE HEARD OF...

FEARLESS FREDDY?

OF COURSE.

YES, WELL,

I HIRED MR. FREDDY

TO DELIVER:

THE PHALLUS TO ME,

BUT IT SEEMS:

HE'S GONE AWOL WITH IT,

NO DOUB TO SELL IT HIMSELF!

AND WHEN I FIND HIM?

IN THE MIDDLE EAST,

THEY CUT OFF:

THE HANDS OF THIEVES.

SO, USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

IT'S AN INTERESTING ITEM,

MR. RUSSO.

A JEWEL-ENCRUSTED PHALLUS.

I'M A COLLECTOR

OF EROTIC ART.

I OWN CLEOPATRA'S

CLITORIS...

...AND HERCULES'

TESTICLES.

I'LL BE IN TOUCH.

[ GRUNTS ]

DINNER IS SERVED!

HA HA!

[ SOBS ]

Newscaster:
THE THIEVES EMPLOYED

CANISTERS OF NITROUS OXIDE

TO INDUCE MASS HYSTERIA

AMONG THOSE INSIDE.

HOWEVER, THE ASSAILANTS

ONLY MANAGED TO WALK AWAY

WITH STACKS OF SMALL BILLS

FITTED WITH DYE PACKS.

AND IN OTHER NEWS,

THE NOTORIOUS CAT BURGLAR

KNOWN AS FEARLESS FREDDY

HAS STRUCK AGAIN.

AN EXTRAVAGANT JEWELED STATUE

KNOWN AS "CAESAR'S PHALLUS"

AND WORTH UPWARDS

OF $12 MILLION WAS TAKEN...

DAMN, MAN, I AM SICK AND TIRED

OF THIS FEARLESS FREDDY!

WE HELD UP A BANK TODAY,

AND WE STILL GET SHAFTED

BY THIS GUY, MAN!

THEY'RE LAUGHING AT US!

ANTOINE,

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.

MAN, DON'T TELL ME

TO CALM DOWN!

THINGS MIGHT HAVE GONE

ALL RIGHT TODAY:

IF SOMEBODY HADN'T GRABBED

ALL THOSE DYE PACKS!

YO, DON'T PUT THIS

ALL ON ME, OKAY?

I AIN'T THE ONE

WHO SWIPED LAUGHING GAS

AND TURNED THAT PLACE

INTO A MONKEY HOUSE!

GUYS, COME ON --

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