Small Timers Page #5

RICARDO, SHUT UP!

WHAT KIND OF IDIOT BRINGS

PANTIES TO A BANK ROBBERY?

YOU'VE GOT TO BE

THE WORST THIEF EVER.

YOU'RE USELESS!

ANTOINE, CHILL OU ON HIM, BRO.

YOU AIN'T GOT TO BE

BRINGING:

ALL THAT HOSTILITY

IN HERE, MAN.

WHO YOU THINK:

YOU'RE TALKING TO?

I'M TALKING TO YOU.

I ADVISE YOU TO SIT DOWN.

YOU NEED TO WATCH

THAT TONE.

SIT DOWN BEFORE I MAKE YOU

ROLL OVER, BOY.

I'M TELLING YOU, THIS IS

NOT WHAT YOU WANT.

YOU BETTER WATCH THAT TONE.

YOU KNOW I TOOK TAE KWON DO.

AND THEN YOU SPRAINED

YOUR ANKLE:

WITH YOUR OLD,

UNCOORDINATED ASS.

THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT.

SIT DOWN.

I'LL STILL LAY YOU OUT.

YOU GONNA LAY ME OUT,

WHO?

I'M GONNA GO AHEAD

AND WHUP YOUR ASS FOR FREE

BECAUSE:

YOU JUST CAN'T LEARN.

I'M GOING TO WHUP YOUR ASS

FOR FREE WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.

WHENEVER YOU'RE READY,

HUH?

WHAT YOU GOING TO DO?

HUH?

WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.

[ INDISTINCT ARGUING ]

SEE, THAT'S BECAUSE

YOU'RE SCARED.

YOU DON'T WANT THIS.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

YOU THINKING YOU'RE

A F***ING NINJA TURTLE?

GUYS.

[ ARGUING CONTINUES ]

GUYS!

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

OH!

THAT'S...

A DIAMOND DICK.

IT'S GOT RUBY BALLS,

MAN!

TWO BIG RUBY BALLS,

BIGGER THAN YOURS, ANTOINE.

I SAW YOURS WHEN YOU GOT OU OF THE SHOWER, IT WAS GROSS.

IT'S THE THING THEY WERE TALKING

ABOUT ON THE NEWS, MAN.

THAT LITTLE --

THE WIENER WITH THE --

THAT'S IT!

THAT'S IT!

WHOA, WHOA,

IF FEARLESS FREDDY TOOK IT,

THEN HOW DID I END UP AT THE BANK?

MNH-MNH. DON'T WORRY

ABOUT THAT, BROTHER.

WE GOT THIS.

WE GOT THIS FREAKY-ASS DILDO

WITH ALL THIS BLING, SON!

AIN'T NO TELLING HOW MUCH

WE CAN MAKE OFF OF IT.

AIN'T NONE!

SKY'S THE LIMIT!

WHAT ARE WE GONNA

DO WITH IT?

OKAY,

HE'S GOT A GOOD POINT.

WE GOT TO FIGURE OU THE BEST WAY TO UNLOAD THIS.

I GOT AN IDEA.

NOW, YOU KNOW

THIS MILLION-DOLLAR DILDO

EVERYBODY'S LOOKING FOR?

WE GOT IT.

AND WE'RE LOOKING

TO CASH IN.

SO, CAN YOU HELP US

OR NOT?

I THINK SOMETHING

CAN BE ARRANGED.

WHAT'S YOUR ADDRESS?

ALL RIGHT,

8212 AVALANCHE WAY.

YOU DID GOOD, ANTOINE.

THIS COULD BE:

A BEAUTIFUL BEGINNING.

WE ABOUT TO GET PAID!

WHOO!

WHOO!

WE GONNA GET PAID!

WE GONNA GET PAID!

WE GONNA GET PAID!

WE GONNA GET PAID!

I TOLD YOU WE GOT THIS.

WE GONNA GET PAID!

WE GONNA --

[ THUD ]

AAH!

MAN, I HATE

THIS WAITING, MAN.

WHEN IS THIS GUY GONNA

GO AHEAD AND MAKE A MOVE?

PACINO WEE.

ALBA TIBE.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, MAN.

WHAT DID YOU THINK

ABOUT THE BANK HEIST?

AH, CAPA DOB.

NOW, WE BOTH KNOW

RUSSO IS CROOKED.

MM-HMM.

BUT...I DON'T THINK RUSSO

HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

I FEEL LIKE IT WAS

LIKE A BANK MANAGER

OR A DISGRUNTLED EX-EMPLOYEE

OR SOMETHING.

WE GOT ANYBODY:

ON THAT LIST?

WHOA, WHOA.

HOLD ON, I SEE THEM COMING.

THEY GOT THE STUFF!

HELLO. I'VE GOT TWO NUMBER 1s

AND A LARGE TEA.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE

A LITTLE BIT.

AND A SMALL:

VANILLA CUSTARD.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, MAN?

SPRINGLE, MAN.

[ SCOFFS ]

YOU KNOW,

EXCUSE MY FRIEND,

BUT HE SAID HE WANTED

SPRINKLES, B*TCH.

I'M SORRY.

WE DON'T HAVE SPRINKLES.

WHAT THE HELL?

YOU AIN' GOT NO SPRINKLES?

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

WHAT TYPE:

OF TOPPINGS YOU HAVE?

WE'VE GOT CHOCOLATE,

CARAMEL, BANANA.

HOLLA.

Y'ALL GOT PLAIN-ASS

VANILLA ICE CREAM.

YAH. KAY.

CAN I GET ALL THA ON HERE?

KAY. WEDON.

IT'S A GOOD THING THAT YOU

LANDED IN THOSE SHRUBS.

SAY, CHRIS...

A-ABOUT EARLIER.

OH, DON'T -- DON'T EVEN

WORRY ABOUT IT, MAN.

ME TOO, BROTHER.

I'M TELLING YOU,

THE THREE OF US,

EVERY STEP OF THE WAY,

WE GONNA GET PAID.

YEAH,

BUT FIRST THINGS FIRST.

WE GOT TO GE THIS DYE OFF.

HEY.

HEY, I THINK I KNOW

SOMEBODY WHO COULD HELP.

MAN,

IT'S COLD IN HERE.

MAN, WHY DO WE HAVE TO

BE IN OUR UNDERWEAR, MAN?

RICARDO,

WHY ARE YOU NAKED?

I FORGOT TO PUT ON

UNDERWEAR TODAY.

THAT'S NASTY!

MY PEE-PEE'S PUSHING

THROUGH THA LITTLE WHEEL HOLE.

HERE, PUT IN YOUR HANDS.

WHAT'S THIS?

ANCIENT REMEDY:

FOR REMOVE TATTOO.

WHA-- WHAT'S IN IT?

THREE INGREDIENT.

FIRST IS A RARE:

MAGNOLIA FLOWER:

FROM THE EASTERN HILLS

OF INDIA.

SECOND, MOST IMPORTANT,

IS GOAT PEE-PEE.

DID HE JUST SAY:

GOAT PEE-PEE?

Antoine:
WHOA,

WHAT'S THE THIRD INGREDIENT?

BLEACH.

BLEACH?

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?

YOU WANT TO GET...

BABY, I CAN FEEL IT...

AAAH!

MY RETINA IS FALLING OUT!

[ INDISTINCT SINGING ]

...TONIGHT

OKAY.

WHERE IS IT?

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

[ BELL JINGLES ]

JADE, WHAT ARE YOU

DOING HERE?

I WAS JUST --

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

IT'S AN INDIAN DRESS.

OH.

YEAH...

DID YOU HEAR:

ABOUT THE BANK ROBBERY?

YEAH.

I WAS THERE...

...BUT I DON'T REMEMBER

ANYTHING. [ CHUCKLES ]

OH.

NO, IT WAS CRAZY.

THAT'S CRAZY.

YEAH, IT WAS CRAZY.

CRAZY.

UM...

IT'S WEIRD, THOUGH,

BECAUSE...

YOU'VE BEEN ON MY MIND

ALL DAY.

SO, UH, I DON'T KNOW...

REALLY?

YEAH.

I JUST THOUGHT I'D COME BY

AND SAY HI.

SO...

SO, HI.

HEY.

Antoine:

WHERE'S MY SODA?!

OH, UH, YOU KNOW,

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHA I'M DOING HERE. I'M SORRY.

I'M JUST GONNA GO.

GONNA GO.

NO.

I'M GONNA GET GOING.

OKAY.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT, BYE.

ALL RIGHT. BYE.

IDIOT.

WHERE'S MY SODA, B*TCH?

WHY YOU GOT TO BE

MESSING MY GAME UP?!

Sykes:

WHERE'S THE PHALLUS?

WHERE IS IT?

[ SIGHS ]

OH. UH...

[ LAUGHS ]

BA-DA-BLING!

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

[ CHUCKLES ]

I'M ABOU TO WHUP YOUR ASS.

WHAT ARE YOU:

GOING TO DO?

[ MUFFLED SCREAMING ]

WHAT?

WHAT'D YOU SAY?

HUH? OKAY, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.

LET'S GO.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH, YEAH!

[ LAUGHS ]

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

J?

J-JALISSA!

IT'S GONE.

WHAT?

WHAT'S GONE?

THE DIAMOND PEE-PEE,

MAN.

A-ARE YOU TELLING ME

THAT YOU HID I BETWEEN THE COUCH CUSHIONS?

OH, MAN!

ARE -- ARE YOU RETARDED?

HUH?

NO.

JALISSA'S NOT HERE.

MAN, SAY, RELAX.

MAY-- MAYBE SHE'S WORKING LATE,

ALL RIGHT?

HE -- HE HID THE --

HER PURSE IS STILL HERE,

THOUGH.

CALM DOWN.

WHAT, YOU THINK

SOMEBODY SNATCHED HER?

I -- I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW

HOW TO SAY THIS.

WE GOT MORE THAN ONE

PROBLEM, MAN...

[ GROANS ]

JEFFREY!

WE'RE OUT OF PUDDING POPS

AGAIN!

MR. SYKES AND HOSTAGE

TO SEE YOU, SIR.

WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S COLLATERAL.

WHERE'S THE PHALLUS?

LISTEN, USE HER

AS A BARGAINING CHIP.

WE'LL GET YOUR PHALLUS.

THIS ISN' WHAT I SENT YOU FOR.

THIS IS A COMPLICATION.

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?

AND WHY DO YOU KEEP TALKING

ABOUT PENISES?

BECAUSE YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS

STOLE SOMETHING FROM ME,

AND I WANT IT BACK.

YOUR PENIS?

SIT HER DOWN!

SIT DOWN.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

WILL YOU BE REQUIRING

ANYTHING ELSE FROM ME,

MR. RUSSO?

OH, I SUPPOSE NOT.

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING

DONE RIGHT,

I GUESS YOU HAVE TO DO I YOURSELF.

JEFFREY HERE WILL PAY YOU

ON YOUR WAY OUT.

NOW, PLEASE, LEAVE ME.

AND AS FOR YOU...

YOU LOOK VERY FAMILIAR

TO ME.

WERE YOU A MAID:

ON MY STAFF?

MR. WHISPER.

IT'S GOT TO BE.

[ SIGHS ]

MAN, HE SET US UP, MAN!

THAT GUY'S A JERK, MAN!

I'M GOING TO BUY A GUN...

AND THEN:

I'M GOING TO SHOW IT TO HIM.

IS THAT SCARY?

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

YEAH, HELLO?

I BELIEVE YOU HAVE SOMETHING

THAT BELONGS TO ME.

NO, I THINK YOU GOT SOMETHING

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