Small Timers Page #6

THAT BELONGS TO ME.

AH, THEN WE HAVE

AN UNDERSTANDING.

WHY DO YOU KEEP:

WHISPERING, B*TCH?

[ GROANS ]

I WANT CAESAR'S PHALLUS.

I'LL SEND SOMEONE THERE

FOR IT SHORTLY.

HAND IT OVER,

AND I'LL LET THE GIRL GO.

WE DON'T HAVE IT. MY PLACE

IS TORN APART. YOU TOOK IT!

Man, what kind of games

are you playing?

I AM NOT PLAYING,

AND I'M NOT AMUSED!

HAVE THE PHALLUS THERE

WHEN MY MEN ARRIVE!

You don't want to

disappoint me.

LOOK,

LET ME TALK TO MY WIFE.

I WANT TO KNOW SHE'S OKAY,

OR YOU GET NOTHING.

FINE.

TALK.

Antoine?

HEY, BABY.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH.

LOOK, I KNOW

YOU CAN DO THIS, OKAY?

EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE

ALL RIGHT.

Remember how you always

wanted to be Mr. Fancy-Pants?

[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]

NOW'S YOUR CHANCE.

[ GRUNTS ]

LISTEN HERE. I'M GIVING YOU

TWO HOURS, ANTOINE.

OR I'LL BE ADDING YOUR BOO

TO MY COLLECTION PERMANENTLY.

WELL, I THINK THAT WEN RATHER WELL, DON'T YOU?

THAT VOICE...

WHAT?

"FANCY-PANTS."

JALISSA SAID "FANCY-PANTS."

WHAT?

I THINK SHE WAS TRYING

TO TELL ME SOMETHING.

WHAT?

I KNOW WHO'S GOT HER.

WHO?

RUSSO.

HE OWNS THE BANK.

JALISSA AND I MET HIM

AT A CHRISTMAS PARTY LAST YEAR.

THE MONEY BANK?

OKAY, OKAY. SO...

[ SIGHS ]

WHAT ARE WE:

GONNA DO?

HE WANTS THE PHALLUS.

BUT WE AIN'T GOT IT, MAN.

NEITHER DOES HE.

MAYBE FEARLESS FREDDY

TOOK IT.

MAN, FEARLESS FREDDY DON'T KNOW

NOTHING ABOUT US, MAN!

SHUT UP.

WE DON'T HAVE

WHAT HE WANTS.

JALISSA KNOWS WHO HE IS. SO HE'S

JUST NOT GOING TO LET HER GO.

AND WE CAN'T CALL THE COPS.

RIGHT.

WE GOT TO BREAK IN

AND GET HER OUT.

I'M DOWN FOR THAT.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

OKAY.

WE GOING TO NEED PANTYHOSE

FOR THIS?

BECAUSE I AIN'T GOT NONE.

DOES JALISSA HAVE SOME?

[ LAUGHS ]

YES!

WHERE IS IT?

I WANT TO SEE IT!

I WANT TO FEEL IT!

I WANT TO TOUCH IT!

WHERE'S THE PHALLUS?

WHERE...

SOMEBODY STOLE MY COCK!

RUSSO.

THAT CRAFTY PIECE OF DICK.

[ HUMMING ]

HONEY...

OH! WHOA!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?

DON'T LOOK AT ME!

THE WATER IS SLIGHTLY COLD.

WHY IS THERE A WOMAN TIED UP

IN YOUR STUDY?

WHAT WOMAN?

THAT WOMAN.

OH, UM, THAT.

UM, DARLING, THAT'S

REALLY NONE OF YOUR CONCERN.

UM, NOW, WHY DON'T YOU

JUST GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM,

TAKE A HANDFUL OF VALIUM,

AND I'LL WAKE YOU UP

ON TUESDAY, HMM?

[ SCOFFS ]

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

CLOSE THE DOOR!

THIS IS WHAT WE DO...

WE MAKE OUR WAY OUT TO RUSSO'S

AND PARK DOWN THE STREET.

THERE'S A GUARD THAT OPERATES

24/7 OUTSIDE RUSSO'S.

RICARDO, TAKE HIM OUT.

[ GRUNTING ]

ONCE HE'S OUT, OPEN THE GATE.

I'LL BE DOWN THE STREET.

I'LL KNOCK OUT THE GENERATOR,

WHICH WILL TAKE OUT THE LIGHTS

AND THE ALARM.

CHRIS, READY?

IF HE HAS A BACKUP GENERATOR,

WE SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE

45 SECONDS BEFORE IT KICKS IN.

[ SCREAMS ]

THE SECURITY COMPANY

IS GOING TO CALL RUSSO

AND MAKE SURE:

EVERYTHING IS OKAY

AND THEN HAVE HIM VERIFY

WITH A PASSWORD.

YES, HELLO?

WE CALL HIM FIRST.

YES, HELLO.

THIS IS JENKINS SECURITY.

DO YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY?

NO, I BELIEVE

IT'S JUST A POWER OUTAGE.

MAY I PLEASE HAVE

YOUR PASSWORD?

YES.

IT'S THE RUSSONATOR.

WE INTERCEPT THE CALL

FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY.

HEY! HOW'S IT GOING?

YES,

THIS IS MR. RUSSO.

WE'VE GOT TO MAKE I INTO THE HOUSE

BEFORE THE LIGHTS AND CAMERAS

COME BACK ON.

ONCE WE'RE INSIDE...

FIND JALISSA.

AFTER THAT, GET THE HELL OUT,

GET BACK TO THE VAN.

ALL RIGHT, FELLAS.

THIS IS IT.

[ FOOTSTEPS ]

[ PANTING ]

ALL RIGHT, EVERYTHING'S

GONE TO PLAN SO FAR.

AFTER THIS,

IT'S RADIO SILENCE.

HEY, IF ANYTHING

HAPPENS...

I LOVE Y'ALL.

AH.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

AH, MR. SYKES.

I FORGOT MY BRIEFCASE.

I WILL TAKE YOU TO IT.

OWW! OUCH!

WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

I'M CERTAINLY CONCUSSED!

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING

WHEN YOU --

[ DOOR HINGES CREAKING ]

[ THUMP! ]

[ GASPS ]

OH, HONEY, IS THAT YOU?

[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]

YES.

I HATE IT WHEN WE FIGHT,

SNOOKUMS.

COME LIE WITH ME!

OH, YOU FEEL

SO STRONG AND FIRM!

OH, SO WE'RE PLAYING WITH TOYS

TONIGHT, HUH?

OH...

OW!

[ GIGGLES ]

OH, SO, YOU WANT TO PLAY

A LITTLE GAME, HUH, BABY?

PLAY A LITTLE GAME

OF PIN THE TAIL ON MY DONKEY!

[ SMACK! ]

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

STUPID MR. RUSSO...

Jeffrey:
[ GROANING ]

NO, NO, NO, NO.

[ THUMPING ]

OH! [ LAUGHS ]

NO.

YES! YES!

YES!

OHH! UHH!

[ LAUGHS ]

AH! AH! AAH!

Jalissa?

Jalissa?

TITTIES!

OH, SNAP.

[ GUN C*CKS ]

LET ME GUESS,

YOU'RE HERE FOR THE GIRL.

U-UH...

I THOUGHT MAYBE ONE OF RUSSO'S

GOONS TOOK THE PHALLUS.

BUT MAYBE IT WAS YOU

ALL ALONG.

YOU MEAN THE WIENER

WITH THE BLING?

YEAH.

WHAT'S THAT?!

[ GRUNTS ]

OHH!

I WILL SHOOT YOU

IN YOUR FACE!

YOU SLAPPED ME...

WHERE IS IT?

I KNOW WHERE IT IS, MAN.

IT'S...

IT'S IN MY POCKET.

RIGHT HERE, JUST TAKE

A LOOK IN MY --

OHH!

BEND OVER.

WHAT'S THAT?

YOU MUST THINK I'M AN IDIOT,

DON'T YOU?

KISS YOUR ANUS GOODBYE!

Y-Y-YOU'RE FEARLESS FREDDY!

YOU TOOK THAT DUDE OU ICE-COLD, MAN!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAN?

YO, WHY YOU CREEPING,

MAN?

DON'T KILL ME,

I'M A VIRGIN.

[ GROANING ]

BABY...

YOU OKAY?

WHAT?

RUSSO?

YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ABOUT TO HANDLE THIS,

BABY.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

LET'S JUST GET OUT OF HERE.

BABY, TRUST ME.

I GOT THIS.

Russo:
[ HUMMING ]

[ WATER LAPPING ]

YOU TOOK MY PHALLUS,

NOW YOU BETTER GIVE IT BACK

OR ELSE!

[ High-pitched voice ]

OH, NO,

PLEASE DON'T HURT ME,

MR. RUSSINATOR!

[ Normal voice ] TOO LATE,

TAKE THAT AND THAT AND THAT!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

HOW ABOUT SOME SOAP

IN YOUR EYES?!

[ High-pitched voice ] OOHH!

OH, NO, MR. RUSSO, IT BURNS!

OOHH!

[ Normal voice ]

OF COURSE IT BURNS!

I'LL BURN YOU ALL DAY

AND ALL NIGHT WITH SOAP SUDS

IF I HAVE TO.

I WANT THAT PHALLUS,

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!

[ GUN C*CKS ]

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

PUT YOUR HANDS:

IN THE AIR.

THAT'S IT.

NOW TURN AROUND.

SLOWLY.

UNH, UNH, UNH, UNH.

SHUT YOUR EYES FIRST.

THAT'S IT.

CLOSED.

THERE WE GO.

VERY GOOD.

OH, I TOLD YOU

DON'T LOOK!

I TOLD YOU:

TO KEEP THEM CLOSED!

CLOSE THEM TIGHTER!

SQUEEZE THEM HARDER!

IT'S A SIMPLE COMMAND!

KEEP THEM CLOSED.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW YOU CAN OPEN THEM.

SO...

INSTEAD OF GIVING ME WHAT WAS

MINE IN THE FIRST PLACE,

YOU HAD TO PULL THIS MORONIC

CAPER, DIDN'T YOU?

WELL,

I WANT THAT PHALLUS BACK

OR I'M GOING TO KILL YOU

AND THAT GIRL.

NOW TURN AROUND.

KEEP YOUR HANDS:

IN THE AIR.

SLOWLY.

TOO SLOW, PICK IT UP.

THERE WE ARE.

MOVE!

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

[ FARTS ]

[ SCREAMS ]

OOH!

NO WONDER YOU WANTED

THAT DIAMOND PEE-PEE.

YOU GOT A PINKY-TOE PENIS!

HA HA!

[ GRUNTS ]

BABY, LET'S GO.

OKAY.

Chris:

ARE YOU GUYS OKAY?

BROTHER,

WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?

OKAY, IT'S A LONG STORY.

I GOT TIME.

LET'S JUST GE OUT OF HERE!

HEY, HEY, WHERE IS RICARDO?

YO, I'M RIGHT HERE.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

I THINK I'M GAY.

IT CAN WAIT.

LET'S ROLL.

YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

Antoine:
OH, SH*T.

OH, SO YOU'RE JUS GONNA SHOOT EVERYBODY?

THE THOUGHT DID CROSS

MY MIND, YES.

ALL RIGHT, IT'S COOL,

JUST CHILL OUT.

THE PHALLUS!

GIVE IT TO ME!

WE DON'T HAVE IT.

WELL, WHERE IS IT?

Sykes:
THAT'S WHA I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes