Smartass Page #4

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if I want ice cream?

Why are you giving me money?

I like to take care of

the kids on the street.

You have a nice one, mister.

- Hey, guys.

- Hey!

So you didn't get shot,

that's really great

for, ya know, you.

But I assume not for the

other guys, you know?

Oh, let me see, let me see.

Oh, it's okay.

That's 100% white girl

right there.

Yeah.

On point.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Helen Keller.

Helen Keller, right?

Yes, perfect, you are perfect.

No, I'm pretty sure I

can see, hear and talk.

No, no, no, no,

no, I get that.

I get that, see,

we got a game that

we like to play.

Right?

See, I'm gonna f*** you

until you go blind.

Then my man Beef here,

he gonna f*** you

until you go deaf.

Then I'm gonna come back around

and I'm gonna f*** you

until you go mute.

You see?

Okay.

That's seriously mortifying.

Super clever though,

that's real clever.

See we got a little

mouthy little smartass,

little...

oh, sh*t!

Yeah, I like her mouth.

I like her mouth.

No, guys, that

was a compliment.

Total compliment.

Isn't there a war

you should be tending to?

B*tch, don't be

talkin' to me about

what I should be doin'!

I should be f***in'

you right now.

Truce, man?

You want my cigarettes?

No, I don't want no

f***in' cigarettes.

Oh, ain't nobody

to save your ass.

Man, who the f***?

Dad, oh, my God, it's my Dad!

Dad, oh, hey.

Sh*t, one second.

You know, guys, this

has been real great.

Ya know, he's a cop,

I was just rebelling.

You've seen it a million times.

Hey, you know what though?

You guys have a

really sick ride.

Next time we hang out, I

wanna ride in it, you know?

I got something

for you to ride on!

Bye guys!

Helen! Helen!

Ooh.

So, where you going?

San Diego.

That ain't her

daddy, nigga, that's a trick.

She 'bout to suck

his dick right now.

Come on, man.

That was my white girl, man.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Just don't think you're gonna

get anything from me, okay?

I don't.

Well, excuse me if

I find that unlikely.

I mean, I don't fault

you for it, it's just,

you're not gonna get it

from me, deal?

I hate clowns.

What?

They don't scare me,

I just don't like them.

I set one on fire at my

friend's birthday party once.

Why would you do that?

Are you a serial killer?

No, I'm a father.

And John Wayne Gacy

was a f***ing clown.

That doesn't mean he

didn't kill little boys.

I'm not a killer.

Just listen, if

you are a murderer,

that's your business entirely.

Just please don't

murder me, okay?

I'm way too f***in' tired

to die right now.

I promise.

Uh...

This is far as I can take you.

Thanks for not killing me.

Um, uh...

Z?

Dude.

I can see you.

I'm a Cherokee!

F***! Go around!

Chill the f*** out, Z.

Dude, I need you to cool off.

Z, Z, it's Nick, okay?

Please, please shut the f*** up.

You can't have me, man.

You can't have me.

I'm like free.

I'm like a free man.

We don't want you.

We need you to shut the f*** up.

Hey, that's pretty good.

Hey, Herman, look at this.

What?

Cute.

That

means he likes it.

Right.

And who are you?

The ghost of Christmas past?

Herman.

I'm just a drunk.

He's not just a drunk.

Tell her.

I write a little, that's all.

Really?

I'm Freddie, nice to meet you.

I'm a runaway

and according to two

gang members, a smartass.

Runaway, huh?

Someone beat you?

No.

Touch you?

Nope.

Orphan?

No, sir.

One who runs away often does so

to get away from something.

Yes, often.

But not always.

Do you know what

impetuous means?

No.

It means a person

who acts in a rash

and inconsiderate manner,

often the mark of

the very young.

I think you just insulted me

with a thesaurus.

Well, as much as I

love to be analyzed.

Please.

Please stay.

Keep an old man company while he

eats one of his last meals.

Fine.

But it's your turn now.

What?

What's your mark

of the, ya know,

very, very, very old?

And make it good or

this dance is over.

The mark of the very old is

always the same, young lady.

Reflection hampered by

immeasurable regret.

What's your biggest regret?

That it took me

until now to realize

what I could've

learned at your age

if I wasn't such an impetuous,

horrid little know-it-all.

Wow, you

just might be the worst

new friend maker on the planet.

Don't confuse

tactics with character.

There's only

one thing for people like us.

If you say it's sweet 16's,

we're done for.

Ambition.

But once you know, you

have to live up to it

or else.

Or else?

Liver spots and

immeasurable regret?

Why run when there's

nothing to run from?

I'm not running.

Those were your

words, not mine.

It's just an expression.

Sure it is.

It was nice to

meet you, Herman.

Keep it.

What's up, two socks?

Hey.

Said you were gonna

stop using rigs.

It's better this way.

Whatever, man, see ya outside.

What the f*** man, what? What?

I think we're being followed.

What am I looking at?

Look, those two Mexican dudes

down there in that car.

What the f*** are you...

stop being paranoid, man.

No, look, it rings a bell.

What?

Z, you're being paranoid,

chill the f*** out.

Dude, it's just a blue car.

No, the two Mexican dudes

sat in it all night.

I am paranoid, but I'm

not wrong about this.

Look, I remember them.

Oh, motherf***er!

Sh*t. Z, help me, man.

What'd I just f***ing

say about the needles?

Yeah, Freddie

wouldn't be in jail

if you weren't shooting!

- What? Z?

- Oops.

Freddie got popped from that

rig she snatched from Otto.

You f***ing dick.

What happened?

You OD'd, a**hole.

Go get ice.

- Whoa.

- Sorry!

Yeah, no.

Hey, I know you.

Uh, no, I don't think so.

No, no, no, I

definitely know you.

You're friends with

Dready Jeff, right?

Yeah, kinda.

Yeah, what are you doin' here?

Um, I'm headed to San Diego.

I got arrested yesterday

and I managed to make it

this far without dying.

Oh, sh*t.

You wanna sit down?

You wanna have a cup

of coffee or something?

- Yeah, thank you.

- Excuse me, ma'am.

Can you get my friend

a cup of coffee please?

Do you want anything else?

You want something to eat?

Food or something?

Yeah, can I get a

cheese Danish please?

Watch Movies and Series Free!

And a jelly donut

and no, that's it.

Do you mind?

Oh no, go ahead.

So ya know, I

live in San Diego.

I could give you a ride

if you want.

Seriously?

Yeah, ya know, I need

the company anyway.

That would

actually be amazing.

Great.

Not to be rude or anything but,

you kinda look like

you could use a bath.

Nah, that's just my style.

Your style.

So, what's in San Diego?

A modeling job.

Modeling?

You serious?

No.

Well, you know, you could.

You ever tried?

Yes, actually, I modeled

for a mugshot earlier.

I looked awesome too.

Cute, man.

Great, that's what

they say about gremlins.

Well ya know,

I'm totally serious

about the modeling thing.

I could help you get cleaned up.

Come on, man.

I kinda need a break from people

f***ing with me right now.

Well, I'm not f***ing with you.

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