Smartass Page #5

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Seriously, my girl's a stylist.

She's really cool.

I think you'd really

like her and, ya know,

honestly, ya kinda

look like f***in' sh*t.

Okay, thank you.

Um...

Whatever, fine, make me over.

Just, um, I need to

get to San Diego.

Well, San Diego it is.

Wanna go?

Yeah, okay.

Is that your car?

Yep.

Can I drive?

No.

Oh, come on, man, really?

Come on!

- Donny!

- No, no, Chuchu, go.

Go back upstairs.

I got business, you go

back to bed, alright?

Yo, what'd you just call her?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what?

What the f*** did

you just call her?

- F*** you!

- She didn't mean that.

What the f*** is

this c*nt's name, bro?

Chuchu or something like that.

That could

totally be a fake name.

It sounds like a

fake name, right?

You got something

you wanna say to me?

Excuse me, b*tch?

Can I get my keys?

Donny, f*** off!

And you, you piece of sh*t,

ugly, impotent f***ing monkey.

- Keep talking.

- Ooh.

- No, no, bro, don't kill her.

- Shut the f*** up.

I'm gonna go sit in the car.

Go sit in the car.

That was you, wasn't it?

And your little sh*t f***

boyfriend killed my friend.

Get your f***in' hands

off of me.

I didn't do nothin'.

Lobo shot him, wasn't me.

Well, Lobo's f***in'

dead now, isn't he?

Lobo's not dead.

You wanna hear a secret?

Teeny tiny little secret, hmm?

You want Lobo dead?

Get the money before he does.

Mission Beach,

San Diego,

three hours.

B*tch.

How's that supposed to keep me

from killing you now though?

It's not so I don't die, darky.

So you do.

You're running outta time.

What's up, man?

I'm takin' a sh*t, man.

- What's up?

- Yeah, Antoine.

What, man?

Antoine, guess what the

f***'s about to go down, dog?

Oh,

you saw that b*tch?

Hey.

Wake up.

I'm gonna head inside,

you want anything?

Ow. Yeah. Um...

Can I get a water

and chocolate and

some type of candy,

gummy form?

Gummy, sugar.

What, I have my vices

and you have yours, okay?

I'll get you some sugar.

Mickey Anderson the third.

Holy sh*t.

Here ya go, kiddo.

What happened to the water?

Oh, there's water in there.

Beer's gross.

It's a good beer.

Try it, seriously.

See, there ya go, not so bad.

It's f***ing gross.

Sh*t.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no.

Sick, how much money is that?

I've never seen that

much money before.

Just about 300k.

- Damn, Richie Rich.

- Yeah, well, it's not mine.

I actually have to ship it off

later next week.

Still, you just

got kind of cool

even though you're

making me drink this

gross ass beer.

Yeah, well, try to enjoy it.

Be a big girl.

Let's get outta here.

- What if it doesn't work?

- Z, trust me, it'll work, okay?

Otto, get f***in' dressed,

we gotta go, man.

Sh*t.

Hey, check this

fool out right here.

Yeah, oh, he got game

on this girl or what?

Hey, you, where'd that fool go?

Oh, he's right there.

Alright, f***!

Wake up.

Wake up, slut!

What the?

Who the f*** are you?

Shut up!

Now do your job!

My job, what the f***?

My job?

My... right, my job,

I'm so sorry.

You just, you scared me.

Well, shut up!

No, you shut up

and get down.

Let's start over.

Come on, no, no, no,

get down now, down.

Let go, down.

Good, stay.

Now what are you waiting for?

Shh!

F***ing c*nt.

No, get the f*** away!

Oh, my God, thank you.

He is really f***in' strong.

You broke my glass, huh?

I paid.

Give her back.

What?

What do you want me to do?

What do I want you to do?

Are you f***in' serious?

He say he pay.

You paid how much?

$200.

Oh, my God.

Wow, I just got sold for $200

and you, you ugly motherf***er,

just got robbed.

You, no professional.

No sh*t, I'm not professional.

I'm 15 f***ing years old!

Now if either of you

prefer not to go to jail

for statutory, I suggest

you get my f***in' clothes!

I'll get you someone else.

God damn it!

Now get the f*** out of here.

Can I get dressed

first, a**hole?

You know what, no, actually,

I think I'm gonna stick around.

Give me 50 bucks.

Are you outta your mind?

Maybe, but ya know what,

you got a naked, bruised

and bloodied minor

standing in the parking lot

of your shitty ass

whore hotel.

So, if you don't

give me 50 bucks,

I'm just gonna sit here and

start a game of hopscotch,

maybe knock on the

neighbors door,

see if they wanna play.

Does that sound fun?

Here's five.

Here's 20.

There, now get the f***

outta my property!

F*** you, man!

Go f*** yourself

and your mother!

I just got sold.

Hey, man, how's it goin'? Good?

Yeah, I'm alright.

I'm alright, I'm chill.

Got the money, Nick?

No, not yet.

Not yet, why?

Nick, you said to me,

"Donny, be here tomorrow.

I'll have the rest

of your money."

I'm here, Nick.

Where's the money?

I'll have it.

I just have to go up to El Tay.

El Tay?

What kinda trust fund surfer

lives in the

f***ing canyon, man?

I didn't want

you freaking out.

Don't want me freaking out?

What, Rod?

Rod, no.

No f***in' way, you know

how I feel about him, right?

Rod, no.

No f***in' way.

Hey, he has a kid now.

- It's different.

- Oh, great.

Or he bought the kid.

Trust me.

Besides, we got bigger problems.

You seen two Mexican

dudes in a blue

- Thunderbird following you?

- No, why?

Because I think there

was two Mexican dudes

in a blue Thunderbird

following you

- and now they're following us.

- F***!

Hey, hey, we took

care of it but,

you know where they might be?

I don't know.

You think it's her?

- Chuchu?

- Yeah.

F*** yeah, I think it's her.

She's the f***in' voodoo curse.

Tried to kill her, I

f***in' saved her ass.

Stupid, I'm doomed to

be with that f***ed up

ginger broad and she's

f***in' annoying, by the way.

Hey, hey, hey.

Donny, relax. Donny.

Sh*t she put me through

the past couple days,

you would not believe

bro, seriously.

You need to f***in' move

away from me right now, okay?

Seriously.

- Good morning, lovers!

- Jesus.

How was your night?

Freddie, you're back.

- Z.

- Oh, my God. Oh!

- I'm gonna go tell Nick.

- Okay.

Thanks.

Think nothin' of it.

I really mean it, Freddie,

I'd have gone away, gone away.

Thank you.

It was a shitty prize anyway.

- Feed me?

- Yeah.

- Please?

- Alright.

Hey, Nick, Freddie's back.

What?

Hey, don't go anywhere.

Yeah.

What the hell are

you lookin' at?

Where the f*** are they, Z?

They were right here.

Sh*t, we gotta go, man.

F***!

Where's Donny and that chick?

They were with you,

man, what happened?

Hey, wanna bite?

- Hi.

- Hi!

Z, stay in case

they come back, okay?

No.

Otto, stay with Z.

Okay.

- Freddie, you coming?

- Mm-hmm.

We'll be back in like

an hour and a half?

- All right.

- Bye, guys.

See you.

Why the f*** did

you say that, man?

Yep.

Always left behind.

Don't complain, man.

Otto.

Hmm?

Otto.

This is real bad, man.

F***er, is that Donny?

What the f*** is going on, dude?

Come on, help me.

Help me, f***!

Freddie, what happened?

I got arrested.

I know that.

When'd you get out?

Last night.

Where you been?

Eating bonbons in

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