Smokey and the Bandit II Page #6

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Spend the night in Charlotte's bed

It might get cold in Charlotte's web

A satin rose that's growin' wild

Charlotte holds more secrets than the night

She spins and weaves her magic spell

Her body speaks what words can't tell

I'm the moth she's the flame

In a town that's all too quick

to smear her name

But I'll take the likes of Charlotte

and her kind

Small-town talk don't matter

now that Charlotte's mine

It may be true that other men

have found her vain

But I'm the one who's caught

in Charlotte's web

It may be true that other men

have found her vain

But I'm the one who's caught

in Charlotte's web

Charlotte's web

Charlotte's web

Charlotte's web

Well, Fred...

...looks like somebody up there

must like us, boy.

Hey, Bandit,

I ain't seen a smokey now for hours.

Looks like we got it clean

and green all the way to Louisiana patch.

- What do you think? Come on.

- Knock on wood, son.

You know what I'll do

with my share of the money?

Cute.

I'm gonna get my wife and kids

something they always wanted.

I'm gonna send them on a trip to Hawaii.

Snowman, you're so crazy

about your family?

Are you crazy or something?

I ain't going with them.

Break for the Bandit.

Guess who just snuck around my backdoor

and is knocking on yours?

Hello, Buford.

Hello, you big lollipop.

Guess who's driving right up your

alimentary canal?

Elementary is about as far as you got

in school, isn't it, son?

Tell you what. As long as we're talking

about elementary school...

why don't we play Follow the Leader,

bumble-butt?

Well, I'll follow,

but you certainly ain't my leader.

Come on, fat boy.

- Daddy, I like to play Follow the Leader.

- Shut up, you sh*t.

I hate to tell you this, but you're going

the wrong way on a one-way street.

Turn left here, Daddy.

Hold it! Wait.

That's easy for you to say.

Straight ahead, Daddy.

We're closed.

Make another right, Daddy.

Oh, boy. A roller coaster.

Turn left right here, Daddy.

- Damn, I love amusement parks.

- You are an amusement park.

Now turn right

and we'll be in the clear.

- A thrill a minute.

- That's about how long it lasts.

That was below the belt.

"Make a left turn, Daddy.

"Make a right turn, Daddy.

We'll be in the clear."

You moose twit.

Bye-bye, baby

Sir, I am the owner of this...

Of this mess, and--

What are you trying to tell me?

I'm in hot pursuit!

I would like to say just one thing.

We're closed.

Get in the car, Junior.

We're surrounded by a mental case.

That's correct, Sheriff Justice.

The Bandit just entered Louisiana.

You're here at a monumental moment.

I'm gonna call my kin for help.

I'm calling my brother Reggie...

and I'm calling my brother Gaylord.

They've been in law enforcement

for over 20 years.

Get me Quebec, Canada, on the phone.

- Canada?

- Yes, up north.

- How much I owe you, my man?

- $24.

You take a personal check?

Just making a joke. $24, huh?

Here you go. $25, keep the change.

- Can I ask you a question?

- Sure.

You wouldn't be the guy they call

the Bandit, would you?

- The one and only.

- Bandit.

Now that you've graced my humble

establishment, I'll take this opportunity...

- ...to tell you something.

- Go right ahead.

If I was making a list of the great a**holes

of the 20th century...

you'd be in the top five.

- Hey, wait a minute.

- Bo, even Bambi has enemies. Let's go.

Listen! Let me tell you something.

I'm practically an American folk hero.

Ask some of my fans.

To know me is to love me.

You know, I just made

a correction on my list.

- Yeah?

- You're in the top two a**holes.

How about I give you my poster?

Me in the Trans-Am going up

the World Trade Centre.

Buzz off! I'm busy.

God damn it! I'm one of the most

beloved grassroot folk heroes of America.

Hey! Get out of here, you weirdo.

Listen to me. Little kids love me.

Parents love me. Everybody loves me.

Come on out here and love me,

or I'll kick your little skinny ass!

Excuse me. Hi. How are you?

Good to see you.

Get a hold of yourself. You're not exactly

baseball and mom's apple pie.

- The man has a right to his opinion.

- Who does he think he is?

You ought to ask yourself that question.

Have a nice day.

I'm telling you, people love me!

- What's wrong?

- We got a problem. Talk to the doc.

What's the matter, Doc?

She no can go. She gonna start the labour.

- Maybe we need to get her off her feet.

- Exactly. That's the problem.

In there she bounce around.

Too much danger.

She just wants a little attention, that's all.

We'll load her on the truck and get going.

Come on, let's go.

Of course, we load her up on the truck

and let's go.

La signora Charlotte can do

anything she wants.

Put her on the truck. Sure,

take the baby and go bada bing, bada bong.

It don't make no difference to you...

Lone Ranger of the

United States of America.

I tell one thing,

I no gonna be responsible.

What's the matter?

Don't you understand English?

He said you can't be bouncing her around.

She's gonna have a baby.

Don't you understand $400,000?

This is the last chance

we're ever gonna have. $400,000!

I understand, and I'd like to have

my share of the $400,000.

But I ain't gonna kill an elephant to get it.

Bo, it isn't the money, is it?

You want to make this last run

so you can be famous again.

Be the old Bandit, come driving in there

and be everybody's hero?

I know you. You don't want

to hurt this elephant. I know you.

I don't want to hurt the elephant.

I really don't.

It's just maybe my last chance

to be somebody.

Bo, everybody is somebody.

Yeah.

Hey, we were just thinking.

Maybe we have been working too hard,

you reckon?

We'll go into town,

have some wine, women, and song.

A little pasta fagioli.

- This your elephant?

- Yeah. Who's that?

You live around here, kid?

Across the track, on the good side.

- What's your name?

- My name is Anthony T. Townes.

My name is Bandit Darville.

- I guess you've heard of me, huh?

- Nope.

Well, I'm kind of famous.

- Rich?

- I'm working on it.

How would you like

to watch him for a while?

You won't believe this, but I'm very busy.

- Oh, yeah?

- But I could be persuaded.

Tell me, how much does

the elephant weigh?

The elephant weighs

about four and a half tons.

Could you pay me by the pound?

Cute, isn't he? Cute.

- What kind of music you got here in town?

- Rhythm and blues.

Rhythm and blues? Wow.

- How do you like Country?

- Country sucks.

He hates Country.

Isn't there anybody in town sings Country?

There's this cat, name of Don Williams.

My second favourite singer

in the whole world is Don Williams.

We'll go to town, listen to Don Williams

and be back. You watch this elephant.

If anything happens

to the elephant--

I know. You're gonna feed me to him.

You know, Daddy,

I don't think the Bandit's really bad.

I think the trouble is

he just got in with real bad company.

Bad company?

Let me tell you something, Junior.

When you raid a cathouse,

you take the piano player, too.

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