Smosh: The Movie Page #4

'Cause we can't see zilch.

Certainly. I can do that.

That's better.

Diri, where are we?

Anthony, you are in a bear attack video.

Diri, get us out of here.

You said, "Get me a beer. " Is that correct?

What? No! I said, get us out of here!

Aah!

Hello, everybody. My name is Markiplier.

And welcome to Gorilla

Chainsaw Massacre.

As you can see, I'm a pissed-off

gorilla with a chainsaw.

Doesn't really make a lot

of sense, but then again,

I don't really care.

Diri, help!

Taking you to Yelp.

Leave a review online.

- What?

- I hate you.

A gorilla with a chainsaw.

I don't have a full grasp on human speech,

but I can operate a gas-powered chainsaw?

Oh, God!

Diri, get us out of here now!

There is no reason to yell at me.

Die, puny humans, die!

- Ah!

- Oh!

Wait, are we...

I think we're home.

Diri, what the hell is your problem?

I'm a piece of intelligent

software, not a mind reader.

And I would greatly appreciate

if you would refrain from using expletives.

Don't think that just

because you're super-hot,

you don't have to be specific.

- What?

- What?

Anthony, check this out.

Here's your pizza.

I remember this video.

I shot it three months ago.

Such an idiot.

You're looking pretty hot, yourself.

Call me up later, right?

You wanna see a little skin?

It's gonna blow your mind.

No, I'm sorry, I'm not allowed

to take off my shirt, but, uh...

give you a little bit of that...

You were filming this?

I was bored.

Hey, boys.

- Hi.

- Hi.

This is so weird.

Yeah. Yeah, I work out my glutes.

Just imagine this in jeggings.

Mailman.

Oh, dude.

Check this out.

What are you doing behind that tree?

Just watch.

Here it comes.

Take this, Mailman!

Yeah! Yeah!

Take it!

Yeah!

Dude, I have to wear this all day.

Deal with it, b*tch.

Yeah!

Ha-ha!

Oh, man.

Yeah!

Well, this explains why the mailman

stopped delivering our mail.

God, I'm so funny.

Milk balloons.

Classic Ian.

It was kind of a jerk move, dude.

Come on, man. We used to do

milk balloons all the time.

Yeah, when we were kids.

You little bastard.

Okay, okay. We get it.

Do you realize what this means?

Yeah. I should've used bigger balloons.

That guy was barely soaked.

No, no, no!

The mailman punched you in the face, right?

Yeah.

That means we can actually

interact with these videos.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

All right, so I'm gonna

get some bigger balloons

and more milk...

No, no, no, no.

Just stay focused, man. Come on.

Diri, take us to our

graduation night video.

It's time for some redemption.

I am now taking you to Jenna Marbles.

Wait, what?

Now she's just screwing with us.

Listen, if you're a guy

and you're wearing eyeliner,

not like Halloween eyeliner

or anything like that,

like all-day, everyday

eyeliner, I got news for you.

It's hot. I like that. Keep

doing what you're doing.

What the hell, man?

Diri, damn it!

Jenna, I'm really sorry, okay?

Just forget we were ever here.

- We'll just be on our way.

- Hold on.

Jenna, it's me, Big Rod 91.

I've commented on a bunch of your videos.

Oh, yeah! I know exactly who you are!

You kidding me? No idea.

Okay Jenna, actually, this is

gonna sound crazy, but Steve...

Steve sent you here to

fix some crappy video

that you guys messed up on. That right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

And then he gave you

these phones, but Diri's

being an unhelpful little b*tch.

- Oh, my God, yes!

- Yeah, I know.

Screw you, Jenna.

Whatever. I know a shortcut.

Just use the web address for the video.

You don't even need

Diri if you just type in

the web address to the video

that you want to go to.

Wait, hold on. We don't know the address.

That's gonna take forever to guess.

Yeah, Jenna. That's a dumb idea.

- B*tch.

- Yeah.

Well, then I don't know what to tell you.

But whatever you're gonna

do, you got to do it quick.

- Why?

- Steve didn't tell you?

See, these phones and

Diri are your only link

to the outside world.

And if the battery life dies,

you get stuck in YouTube.

- Forever. Just like me.

- Wait, what?

Hey, Jenna, seen my hair scrunchie?

No, I haven't seen your scrunchie, b*tch.

Are you kidding me? She

looks ridiculous in those.

I don't even know why she wears them.

She's not even hot. She's like a six.

Look at her. Nasty.

Don't tell me what to wear, b*tch.

What did you just say to me?

Come and say it to my face!

- You know what, b*tch...

- Okay, I know you really

want to fix that video,

but we can't get stuck

in here, dude. We just need to go back.

We're gonna be fine. We have

plenty of battery power left.

This is my only chance.

So we're just gonna guess random addresses?

Yeah, okay?

The address for the grad

night video started with

YouTube. com/something...

I got it. Let's split up.

It always works in the movies.

This isn't a movie, okay? It's real life.

We can't just split up.

Well just, can you just trust me on this?

You know, okay, fine.

We'll meet back in 15

minutes. How about that?

- I hope this works.

- Of course it'll work.

- Ready?

- Yup.

- Put your address in.

- Hello?

You're acting like I'm not even here.

Shut up, Diri.

- All right. Ready? Got it in?

- Yup.

- All right.

- And...

Three, two, one, go!

What the hell is this?

Oh, God, no! Oh, okay.

Welcome to the party, bro!

Hey, you forgot your costume!

- Don't even sweat it.

- What?

You're a kitty. Bunny twerk, bunny twerk,

- What? Oh! Oh, God!

- Bunny twerk, bunny twerk!

- No! Oh! Oh!

- Bunny twerk, bunny twerk!

Bunny twerk.

Oh, my God, I remembered the right address.

Hello, there.

Aah!

Who the hell are you?

It's me, Big Rod 91. Your boyfriend.

You flag all my comments.

Oh, my goodness.

Big Rod 91?

I'm sorry about flagging all your comments.

I was playing hard to get.

I knew it.

What are you doing here?

Oh, it's a long story.

Well, pull up a table. We've got time.

Okay.

If you want the best

taste you've ever seen,

go out and get yourself

some Stone Cold Creamy Cream.

And that's the bottom line.

Stone Cold Steve Austin?

- Oh, my God, it's me, Anthony.

- Who?

You know, we talk in

the mirror all the time.

Wait, you sell ice cream now?

Yeah, it's my new gimmick.

Stone Cold Creamy Cream.

It's the best.

Don't you think people

will get that confused

with Cold Stone Creamery?

Never heard of it.

Anyway, so I have a problem

I need your help with.

I embarrassed myself in

front of this girl I love

by doing a flip and then

landing directly on my face,

and then getting a

microphone shoved up my...

Mm. That's not good.

Yeah. So now I need her

to think I'm cool again.

What would you do if you were me?

Well, I'll tell you exactly what I'd do.

I'd hit her with the Stone Cold Stunner.

Oh, my God, of course you would.

- That's your move, man.

- Exactly.

Yeah, so you're basically saying

I should come up with my own move.

Not try to impress her, but just be myself.

No. I'm telling you, you need to hit her

with the Stone Cold Stunner.

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