Snatched Page #6

about the Middleton ladies

and their situation

down in South America.

Let's go get 'em.

What's the plan?

Right, so, I told her

to contact me

once she gets to Bogota.

Mmm-hmm.

There's not much more I can

do, unfortunately, sir.

Okay, I imagine that

you have some kind of

commando squad.

Maybe, like, four

underground criminals

who were tried for a crime

they didn't commit.

And they've been living

in the underground

kinda helping people

along the way, almost

Sir, were you born in the '70s?

Yeah.

Mmm.

That sounds like The A-Team.

It is The A-Team.

Do you have an A-Team?

We actually disbanded that

program in 1994, sir.

F***! Sh*t!

Okay, here's how you can help.

Pull out a pen

and a piece of paper.

Okay.

And write down, "If you feel

the urge to call again

"resist it."

Wait. That's the advice?

That's what you're giving me?

Yep-

(LINDA SIGHING)

I don't remember the

last time I had a drink.

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

Mom, you need to relax.

All right?

You're stressing me out.

I can't relax.

The most terrifying man

lever saw in my life

was going to cut us up

in little pieces

with his machete.

And that was before

you murdered his son.

Accidentally murdered.

But, Mom.

What?

Can we focus on the positive?

Because we are safe now.

We're safe?

You think we're safe?

Yeah, we're safe.

We're on a boat.

Look how fast they found us!

I mean, I'm going to be

looking over my shoulder

for the rest of my life.

And then when I go

to sleep at night,

I'm going to have an image

of that spear going into

that man's throat. Ugh!

Why would you

bring that up, Mom?

Can't you just comfort me?

Can you just please be my parent

and make me feel better?

Do you want me

to make you feel better?

Yes.

You are a very gifted murderer.

Okay.

You know, Mom,

just because you can't

control this exact situation

does not mean you have

to lash out at me.

I can't stop my hands

from shaking, honey.

Maybe you need to chill out

with the drinking,

just a little bit, Mom.

Look, Roger is gonna

get us home.

Let's focus on that.

Roger's going to get us home

just like James was

taking you out on a date.

Get it?

Judgment.

(DOOR OPENS)

Linda, Emily.

Luis, here, just got word

that there's a boat

50 klicks back

looking for two American women.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Now, see? What'd I tell you?

Okay, okay.

We have no choice but

to slip off now onto a canoe.

I'll guide you through

the sack of the jaguar.

Oh uh...

You know, it's funny.

I've been looking for adventure

ever since I got to this

godforsaken land.

And now, well, now

it looks like

adventure's found me.

Yeah.

Yeah, it has.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(LINDA PANTS)

LINDA:
Oh, I'm weak, honey.

You should eat something.

Hey, Roger.

Is this fruit okay?

Sure.

Okay.

(COUGHS)

Oh, wait, do you mean, like,

is it poisonous?

I don't know. Probably.

Oh, my God!

(SPITS)

Ladies, listen to me.

There's always a risk if you

want to feast on the sack.

At some point, you're gonna

have to pick your poison.

Starvation

or poison.

Mmm.

Vatmonos.

(WINCES) Oh!

Ow!

And, gosh, wasn't it weird

how soggy the wood was

when I tried to light it?

EMILY:
So weird.

Linda, thanks for stepping up.

You really did a great job.

Yeah. It's awesome, Mom.

Thanks, honey.

EMILY:
Roger, why don't you

tell us a story?

You've been an expedition

guide for forever, right?

Expedition guide?

Oh, that's flattering.

I haven't heard that one before.

Yeah, my story.

Uh, I've been here

three long weeks now.

First time on a plane.

'Til recently, I was a GM

at a Trader Joe's

up in Rochester.

Although, one could say that

the way that store was managed,

that was the real jungle.

(CHUCKLES)

And then, well,

my doctor said I was sick.

So, I said to myself,

"Roger! What the heck?"

"Go on down

to South America."

Oh, God. Are you ill?

Hmm? Yes, ma'am.

Caught the travel bug.

Oh, the travel bug.

I thought he was saying...

And cancer.

Doc gave me, oh,

a month to live,

which gives me about

a week now, so, yeah.

I mean, because you're

not just gonna

walk on in to the Amazon

if you're expecting

to walk on out.

And so, yeah.

No.

(CHUCKLES) Sure.

We got a big day tomorrow, huh?

So I think we need to catch

a little shut-eye.

Someone needs to stand watch.

Why don't you guys

take the first shift?

Wake me up in ten hours.

(GRUNTS) Oh, boy!

I don't know if I'll ever

even be able to get to sleep.

(ROGER SNORING)

LINDA:
God. Ugh! (SPITS)

Why are we still following him?

He's a cashier.

He's a manager, Mom.

Just stay positive.

Feel free to drink

from any puddle you see.

All water in the jungle is safe.

You have no information.

(ROGER GRUNTS)

(ECHOING) Wait.

And just over this ridge

that's the quickest way

to Bogota.

(CHUCKLES)

We're going to swing over

to the other side.

One at a time.

I'll go first

'cause I'm the man.

ROGER:
Ha-ha!

(SCREAMING)

(LINDA GASPS)

(SCREAM ECHOING)

Oh!

F***! Sh*t!

Okay, Okay-

Oh, my God!

This is bullshit!

Okay.

LINDA:
on, my God!

Maybe he's okay.

Okay, okay, okay-

Okay.

Okay.

O kay? O kay?

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

(PHONE RINGING)

Russell.

Hello, Morgan.

(MORGAN SIGHS)

Sir, you've called

12 times today.

I've already told you.

I've been in touch with

the US consulate in Bogota.

They put out an alert

with the Colombian military

and police.

All we can do is wait

until we hear from them.

And I wonder what

Joanne would think about this.

Wait, did you say "Joanne"

like, my wife, Joanne?

Is this some kind of a threat?

(STUTTERS) No,

I didn't say Joanne.

You said "Joanne."

I said "Yo, Anne."

No, you said "Joanne"

like you've been on my

Facebook page or something.

Let me tell you something.

You called an officer

of the US government

and threatened his wife

over the phone.

I'm gonna tell you what's

gonna happen right now

so I want you to get

real quiet, okay?

If you call this number one

more motherfucking time

I'm gonna show up at your house,

handcuff you

to the bumper of your car

and drag you to federal prison,

where you will be skull raped

to within an inch of your life,

every single f***ing night!

I don't think

you're gonna enjoy that.

Oh, yeah?

I'll come to your house,

and I'll f*** your dick.

You know what? Hold up.

(PHONE RINGING)

Yo, yo, yo! (MOUTHING)

"Yo, yo, yo"? That's racist, Jeffrey.

That's f***ed up.

"Yo, yo, yo"?

Yo, this is This is Derrick.

What's your last name, Derrick?

Black.

Now let me tell you something.

That threat you made

is all f***ed up.

I'm gonna come to your house.

I got your address right here.

Picture this

I'm a bag of d*cks

Put me to your lips

I am sick

I will punch a baby bear

in his sh*t

Give me lip

I'ma send you to the yard

Get a stick

Make a switch

I can end a conversation

real quick

I am crack

I ain't lyin'

Kick a lion in his crack

I'm the sh*t

I will fall off in your crib

Take a sh*t

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