Snatched Page #7

Pinch your momma on the booty,

kick your dog, f*** your b*tch

Fat boy dressed up

like he's Santa

And took pictures

with your kids

We the best, we will cut

a frowny face in your chest

Little Wench

I'm unmentionably fresh

I'm a mensch

Get correct

I will walk into a court

While erect

LINDA:
Okay,

where do we go now?

Roger said

it's just across the ridge.

Roger is dead.

I realize that.

Yeah, and he didn't know

anything.

Just use the map, Mom.

LINDA:
on, my God.

This is a placemat

from a restaurant.

Everything will be fine.

Everything is not fine,

Emily Louise.

Look where we are.

Look where we are.

In the middle of the Amazon!

Oh, my God!

That's how desperate I am

to spend time with you.

I see you all the time.

You see me when you

need something.

That's not true.

Yeah, and you know what?

When I just say anything

just remotely critical...

Wait!

"Remotely critical"?

Mom, you flat-out insult me.

All the time.

What?

It's not a good way

to raise kids.

What do you know

about raising kids?

What do you know about anything?

Except posting

pictures of yourself?

Okay, well, I only post

so many pictures of myself

because I want

people to witness me

having an interesting, full life

and give me compliments

in the comments.

You can do that without

posting pictures. I do.

You have a full,

interesting life?

You just check the locks

all day.

And change the kitty litter.

You hide in your home

with your adult son.

Are you saying that

I've wasted my life?

I didn't say that.

You know what?

You're wrong!

Because I had you.

And I had your brother.

So don't you dare say

I wasted my life.

I gave you everything I had.

Everything!

And I did it alone!

What the hell have you

ever done for anybody?

For 18 years

your mother is the most

important person

to you in your entire life.

And then...

And then...

One day, poof!

You're gone.

And then what are you

supposed to do?

Like, just adjust?

Just like that?

It's not possible, Emily.

You were mine.

And now, you're not.

And I...

I miss you.

Mom, I'm right here.

I'm the one who

invited you on this trip.

I'm on this trip, Emily,

because you didn't want

to drink Mai Tais alone.

No! You are

the mergle fur!

What the hell is mergle fur?

Oh, Emily! (ECHOES)

on!

(BOTH GASP)

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

Thank God!

What's going on?

Honey, we're so lucky

because I had to drag you

all the way through

the jungle, looking for help.

And I ran into Dr. Armando

and his friend.

Now, this is Maco,

who I've been teaching

a little English.

No big deal.

Go ahead.

Hello.

Ah!

Good.

That's great.

He's been assisting me

as I search local plants

for a compound

that could potentially...

Are you ready?

Cure cancer.

(GASPS) That is amazing!

I think so.

Yes, thank you.

All right.

Well, thank you, guys.

Thanks, Macho.

LINDA:
You ready?

Yeah, we're gonna

head out of here.

Oh, you can't go just yet.

Um, you have a parasite in you.

What?

What's that?

Here's the thing.

Your mother told us

that you've been, like,

extremely hungry lately.

And thankfully,

when you passed out

you shat yourself.

Thank God.

Never seen so much sh*t.

(BOTH SPEAKING SPANISH)

Yeah.

Okay, we understand.

It was a lot of sh*t.

Lots of sh*t. Yes.

I'm sorry.

But through that, we could

take a stool sample

and test it

and determine that

you have a tapeworm.

A tapeworm?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Tapeworm.

(ROARING)

What?

Can I look at that?

Yes, please. A second opinion is...

Yes.

Please, please, please.

Go ahead.

So what's the treatment?

Like a Z-pack?

If it's already affecting

your appetite,

I think it's probably...

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

It's pretty significant.

Oh!

Listen.

We're out of praziquantel

so we're going to have

to substract it

from you manually.

What? Manually? What?

With my manuals.

That's f***in' gross.

Good news! Right now,

the tapeworm

is really hungry, right?

So what we're gonna do

is we're gonna lodge open

your throat

and dangle a piece of meat

in front of your throat.

Try to coax it out.

It'll feel safe,

but it's not safe

because I'm gonna pull it.

No!

Slowly!

Slowly! Slowly!

Then, slap it down.

Slap it down. Kill it.

You both have to pull it out?

It's a two-man job, ma'am.

It's a two-man job, I'm sorry.

I've got a worm, Mom.

I know.

Mom!

I'm here.

Get the worm out, Mom.

I'm your pillar.

Hello.

Oh, hello.

(EMILY WHIMPERS)

When will we know

when it's working?

When we look into

the worm's eyes, Linda.

(GASPS)

Come outside and face me.

Yes. Show me your face.

Oh, here it comes. Okay.

LINDA:
Okay.

(CHOKING)

Oh. What?

Oh, it's coming.

It's making its way.

Okay, relax, I got this. Move.

(CHOKING)

EMILY:
Knock me out!

Knock me out!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

What are you doing?

Okay! Okay!

(SQUEALING)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Help me. Help me!

LINDA:
(SIGHS)

It's not like at home.

JUNGLE DOCTOR:
I bet.

Oh, there she comes.

LINDA:
Oh, look!

EMILY:
Hi.

Hi.

LINDA:
Baby.

Hi.

LINDA:
(SIGHS)

Do you feel better?

I feel great. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, good.

EMILY:
Yeah.

LINDA:
You did good.

Hi, Maco. Thank you.

Emily, this is

a traditional gift

that the village made for you.

It's for protection

while you're here.

For me?

Yes, for you.

Oh, my God.

That's so nice.

(LAUGHTER)

It's heavy. It's thick.

(ALL CHUCKLE)

It's, like, hurting.

Thank you.

It's tight.

Something Kanye would design.

That's great.

Do they just kind of

do that all day?

JUNGLE DOCTOR:
Oh, yes.

When we got here,

we provided a lift.

They used to have to walk

miles up the hill.

But, much easier now.

That's very thoughtful of you.

And what do the men do?

They just kind of straight

chill, or... (CHUCKLES)

Culturally,

the women do the work

and the men, they provide

the protection, you know?

Yeah.

That's f***ed up.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Not for the men. Yeah.

That's so cool. This is

what you guys are up to.

Oh, I'm like in this now.

Okay.

Ooh!

(EXHALING)

Emily! The doctor said

he could get us to Bogota.

That is amazing.

Oh, my God!

Okay. Do I have

a couple minutes?

'Cause I'm kinda helping...

Helping out the ladies.

(CHUCKLES)

Thank you. (LAUGHS)

Come here, you know

I got you, girl

Look at you helping.

Yeah, I am helpful.

(CHUCKLES)

Honey, you know, when

I said that, I didn't mean...

What?

That I'm selfish

or that I'm worthless?

Which part of our fight?

Emily, come on.

I didn't mean that.

It's fine.

I know how you see me.

Yeah? Okay.

(GUNSHOTS)

(BOTH GASPS)

EMILY:
Oh, God.

JUNGLE DOCTOR:

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

There's some very bad men

looking for you.

They have guns.

They've blocked the main

entrance. It's really bad.

We're f***ed!

No, nobody's being f***ed,

okay? I got an idea.

I got an idea.

Go, I'll stall them.

Go, go, go.

Yeah?

(GRUNTS)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Honey, get in here!

This won't hold both of us.

I'm too heavy.

No, you're perfect.

You're just perfect.

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