Social Animals Page #6

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It is Groundhog Day! My

vagina is f***in' Bill Murray!

Aw, I love Bill Murray.

You're embarrassing yourself.

You know what? You've been

embarrassing me our entire marriage!

Jane, can I get you an ashtray? - No, it's

fine. - No? - Thank you, have a great bris.

Well, I have never

been to a bris before.

But this is great.

Zoe.

- Whoo.

Zoe, do you think

I can't see you?

Oh, I'm sorry, I just really

need my face in my hair right now.

You mean your

hair in your face?

I mean my hair

in my face, Paul.

Hi. - Hi.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm actually...

Are you kidding me?

I signed up for life

classes through Oprah,

because she does that

and then I got corn tortillas

instead of flour because I

heard that was better for you

and I, I...

F***, I'm doing awesome.

Okay, listen,

I'm really sorry, um...

I'm really sorry

about what happened.

I'm not sorry that

it happened. I just...

I suck at words.

I'm so much

better at mixed CDs.

Yeah, me, too.

I just, I REO Speedwagon

Can't Fight This Feeling.

Paul, you can't admit

to liking REO Speedwagon.

It's not even cool in an

ironic way like Tom Petty.

Yeah, Tom Petty is

not cool in any way.

What are you...

are you serious right now?

Tom Petty is not cool?

I can't, you know what?

No, I'm not doing this here.

I cannot argue with you about the

coolness of Tom Petty out in the open.

It's just way too intimate.

Then come inside.

- I'm not coming inside.

This is... I can't do this.

It's just...

He was an escort.

The guy I was with.

He was a what?

He was a prostitute.

He was a f***ing prostitute.

You paid someone?

You paid someone?

How much did they charge?

Why is there an

eviction notice on your door?

I don't know.

Zo, what's wrong?

I slept with Paul.

Paul of Paul and Jane?

I mean, it's okay, you know?

People f*** people.

I don't know how

this is my life, you know?

I worked so hard not

to be like my parents.

Not to be a failure.

I don't want to lose

everything that I have.

Okay, what do people in this

town love more than anything?

Tacos.

- More than tacos.

Music.

I have the bands,

you have a pretty vacant

space with your store.

I say we charge a cover

and... I don't know,

see what happens.

You think that would work?

I mean, we might

as well try, right?

CONCER SAVE EAST AUSTIN

Sir, you! Ma'am!

See this, Austin?

We can't find Nate.

- Nathan's missing.

Hey, did you pay a cover?

No, you can't sneak in here.

You need to go to the front

and you need to pay. - Zoe, Zoe, Zoe.

Hey! Relax.

This is going so great.

- I have someone at the door.

Oh, great. Yeah. - Wait, you

wanna take a shot with me?

No, and why don't

you slow your roll, okay?

I'm having fun,

Claire, loosen up.

This is going great.

Why don't we

get you some water?

Okay, you look

like a total mess.

Phew.

Nathan!

Come on, bud, Nate!

Did you find him?

- Yeah, Jane, I found him.

"Just decided to stand out here and

continue calling his name like a f***in" idiot.

I'm sorry!

- It's not your fault.

He does this all the

time, we'll find him.

Yes, it is, it's my fault.

Everything is f***ing my fault!

- It was the both of us. Nate!

You know, that I get

off work and I come here,

and I walk around the

block three or four times

before I even come inside?

- Why. Why you do that?

Because I can't

believe that I am this.

This wife, this mother,

it just doesn't seem real.

I never wanted to be

one of these f***ing people.

What people?

People who live just

to endure each other.

That's everyone we know.

That's marriage! - It's not!

You think...

You think I tried

to be a shitty wife?

No, I tried! I

tried to do my best!

I worked hard, I

took care of the bills,

I took care of the children.

I tried to be attracted to you.

Wait, what?

What do you... you tried to be

attracted... What does that even mean?

Recently, the thought of having

sex with you just repulses me.

Wow, this...

I'm just trying to

be honest for once.

Yeah, your honesty, it's just

another way for you to hurt people.

Look at our house, nothing fits!

You are buying furniture for

a house we don't even live in!

Nathan!

- Nathan!

Wo, found him!

Must be hard, being

this self-righteous.

You have no idea.

Thank you so much

for coming out tonight!

And giving a hands

up to Sailor Poon.

Look at these ladies.

And speaking of poon, let's

not forget why we're here.

So that our

poons can get waxed

by a local business

and not Laser Town,

which is basically the

Illuminati of pubic hair.

Now tonight, we're

gonna take back what's ours!

Let's take it to the streets!

Come on!

They can't break us.

Ohh!

Plexiglass, you gotta

be f***ing kidding me.

This just stupid...

Ohh!

Damn it! Stupid!

Ow! F***!

Ow! F***!

Thanks for bailing me out.

The covers paid

half and the other half...

I'll pay you back, I promise.

How, Zoe, how are

you gonna pay me back?

You don't have anything.

- Look, Claire, I'm sorry.

I was wasted,

I got out of control.

Your parents spent

their whole lives

running from

where you just were.

Wow, that was

a really low blow.

God, Zoe, you need to grow up!

Okay, so you didn't win at life,

you didn't get some grand f***ing prize,

no one does and no

one owes you anything.

And, I mean, forget winning,

because how you lose

is just as much a

part of who you are.

And no offense, but

you're kind of an a**hole.

You know what? Just

pay me back whenever.

What's up?

What, did you rob a bank?

I got my job back at Beer Land.

That's oddly stable of you.

I know that I

suck at relationships.

And I'm full of sh*t,

and I act like I'm

right about everything,

because I am so f***ing

scared to be wrong, all the time.

But you're my best friend

and I really, really do love you.

And I say that

out loud, like, never.

So...

I love you.

You're being totally

emo right now.

Yeah, I'm really trying to

get better at this emo stuff.

Feels good.

I caught Jim f***ing his office.

Like the wall?

No, the people.

And he didn't even invite you?

Oh.

You're invited.

Well, you can come to my

office f*** party anytime.

I can't believe our 5-year-old

needs to see a shrink.

You think he's okay?

He'll be fine.

He probably loves the attention.

I mean, do you

think he is okay?

Yes, I think he's fine.

Okay.

You know, I'm really sorry

about the whole prostitution thing.

It's not funny.

I mean, come on.

I didn't keep up.

Wow, I can't remember the

last time I've seen you laugh.

Oh, my God, that's depressing.

I know this sounds

f***ed up, but...

If we were gonna fail, I'm

really glad that I failed with you.

Good game.

Good game.

Oh, hey, buddy.

Hey, man.

- Hi.

Oh, look at you.

- Oh, hello.

Up on your knees.

- You look taller.

Look at that, he's okay?

No. Blow it out, Zoe.

Make a wish.

I wish I wasn't old.

- Like a viable wish.

I wish I were dead.

Or rich.

You know what I actually

wish? I wish I were British?

I think I'd be very

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