Son in Law Page #4

- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

- [ Knuckles Cracking ]

Ease up on the steroids.

Juice will make the jewels

shrivel into sun-dried tomatoes.

Ow, ow.

- Oh, Elsie.

- So what's goin'--

- Oh, sh*t !

- Same old tricks. Come on.

- Come on, sweetheart.

- [ Mooing ]

Oh, my God.

lt's Bartles or Jaymes.

Dude, which one are you ?

l need a pen.

Sign my jacket, bro.

You have no clue on how huge you are

with the college circuit.

We love your wine coolers.

- Can't he sleep in the barn ?

- Zack, l'm not gonna have

that, uh, uh, what's-his-name...

sleepin' out there

in the barn so just cool it.

- Fine. l'll sleep in the barn.

- Stop whining.

- Just go upstairs and set up the cot.

- l don't want to.

[ Talking Loudly ] Maybe l can

whittle wood with you sometime,

cool, buddy ?

Ah--

Stick-y.

Okay, say bye, Bartle.

See ya later.

l'm gonna be--

l'll just be, um--

There's, um--

[ Screen Creaking ]

Hey, Warners ? Look,

l'm sorry l snapped back there.

l just never been

in a place so pure.

- So if l'm being

an inconvenience, let me know.

- Well, actually--

- Not at all.

Please just make yourself at home.

- Really ?

- Um-hmm.

- Where's the kitchen ?

- lt's right back there.

- l'm gonna go munching

on some grindage.

Bye.

Ha ! Ooh-ooh !

[ Crawl Gasps ]

Look at this place.

[ Cockney Accent ]

Spectacular quarters, me matey.

Did you design it yourself ?

Look what l got for you, buddy.

A sandwich too.

- That's okay. l'll pass.

- You sure ?

- Yeah.

- Okay, l'll put it over there

just in case you get hungry later.

Since we're gonna be roommates.

- [ Gasps ] The 2-CJX ! Look at this.

- [ Computer ] Hello, Zack.

- Don't touch that.

- l just wanted to take a peep.

Maybe now's a good time

to talk about the rules in my room.

- Rules ?

- Yeah.

Rule number one:

Don't touch anything.

- And what's rule number two ?

- There's only one rule.

- Don't touch--

- Anything !

Got it.

l'm takin' this back.

- You ever meet the tooth fairy ?

- No.

- Never ?

- No.

- l wouldn't fall asleep if l were you.

- Mom !

- l'm just kidding !

- Mom !

Relax, bro. Come on.

l'm Becca's friend, dude.

Puffy Cheeks, chill.

- There, girl.

- [ Mooing ]

- So, um, how's your mom doin' ?

- So... what's goin' on ?

- What do you mean ?

- This guy.

- l mean, who is he ?

- Oh, Travis, l'm sorry.

He's my neighbor.

He-He was alone for Thanksgiving.

He's just a friend.

Oh.

Oh, l'm so glad

you're finally here.

You know what ?

l gotta get back in.

- Oh, no, wait. Uh,

before you go, um, uh--

- What ?

What ?

Well, l-l've been thinkin'

a lot about us lately, you know ?

l mean, you've been gone

for three months and l realized...

- how much l love you.

- Travis.

And l guess what

l'm tryin' to say is...

- Rebecca, will you--

- Oh, God.

- Wh-What is it ?

- l'm feeling just a little, um--

- l'm just a little dizzy, that's all.

- Are you okay ?

Yeah, yeah. You know, l think with

the plane and all the excitement,

- l'm just a little worn out.

- Well, that's okay. That's okay.

lt's no problem.

We got all week, right ?

- Right.

- Why don't you take a nap ?

- Okay.

- And l'll see ya tonight

at the country club, right ?

- Right, right. Okay.

- Okay.

Oh ! [ Laughs ]

Oh, Rebecca,

don't worry about your hair.

- lt'll grow back.

- [ Laughs ]

- [ Computer ] Error. Error. Error.

- Damn it.

- Error. Error.

- Can l show you a shortcut ?

- You show me a shortcut ?

- Yeah,

- me show you a shortcut.

- Error. Error.

- Can l-- l have to touch

your computer, though.

- Be my guest.

Error. Error. Error. Error.

- Error.

- [ Typing ]

- [ Beeping ]

- See that ?

- [ Computer ] Loading.

- Ta-da !

lt's gone.

How'd you do it ?

Your PC got harshed, right, 'cause your

system heaps at the wrong parameter.

So l toasted the dated directory,

tweaked the P-RAM...

and reglazed your subroutine.

- How'd someone like you

get into computers ?

- Grew up at Caesar's Palace.

Right ? ln Vegas ? Gambling,

cones, the whole package, right ?

Didn't have any friends, so l just

pounded away on the old keyboard...

for a couple of years, solo mission.

l don't know.

So you're just an old hacker like me

but disguised as an idiot.

- [ Laughs ] Yeah, basically.

- Zack, can you please leave ?

- We're busy.

- Zack, please.

No, it's my room.

- Our room.

- Our.

l'll tell Mom where

all your Playboys are. [ Kicks Box ]

- So ? l'll tell Dad you got a tattoo.

- Go ahead. l don't care.

Playboys ? Dude, don't

hold out on me, bro. What month ?

l'm a subscriber.

[ Grunts ]

Whoa.

- Crawl, we have to talk.

- Yeah, l could see that.

What's the problem, Becca ?

- Travis is gonna ask me to marry him.

- What ?

- [ Laughs ] He got down on one knee.

- [ Groans ]

l thought he was what l wanted, but now

l just can't see myself settling down.

- You know, l think

l'm really too young...

- Hey, hey, hey, hey,

- to be thinking

about these things. What ?

- hey, hey, hey, stop ! Stop !

- Sit down. Relax.

- What ?

Hey, you don't have to do

anything you don't wanna do.

Crawl, it's not that easy.

You know, we've been

together for a long time.

l just don't wanna hurt him.

Just remember, the longer you wait,

the more painful it's gonna be.

l know.

[ Sighs ]

l'll tell him tonight.

- Listen, l-l gotta tell you somethin'.

- What ?

My gear, man.

l'm feelin' really out of place.

- You gotta hook me up

with some rustic wear.

- [ Laughing ]

l could take your style with

my style and just interweave 'em.

- [ Laughing ]

- Get your hat. Let's cruise. Come on.

- [ Crawl ] Oww !

- ? Hey, good lookin' ?

- ? What ya got cookin' ?

- [ Horn Honking ]

? How's about cookin'

somethin' up with me ?

? Oh, guitar ??

Come on, bud-dy.

You want some rustic wear.

[ Laughing ]

- Hey, Miss Pucket.

- Hi, l think.

lnbreeders.

[ Laughing ]

- Okay, we need the hat

for the ''do-saver.''

- Charlene, get away from them !

- Oh, boots !

- l'm mingling. Mommy !

- Okay, Crawl,

the dressing room's over there.

- l need more stuff.

- No, you don't. No, you don't.

- Okay. Right here ?

- Yes. Take these. Okay, okay.

- Okay, okay, okay.

[ Sighing ]

- Rebecca ?

- Hi, Tracy.

- Wow ! You look great.

l hardly recognized you.

- Thanks.

When did you get back ?

Um, uh, this morning.

You're still here. l thought

you were going to New York or something.

Well, l still am.

l just need to save some money first.

- You're still working

at the bar, though ?

- Yeah.

- You should come by.

- Yeah, definitely. l'd like that.

- lntroduce me.

- Uh-- Tracy, this is my friend Crawl.

- What's happenin' ? Nice to meet you.

- Likewise.

- Have you ever done any acting ?

- Crawl, what are you wearing ?

- Chaps ?

- Cheek chillers. You likes ?

- l hates.

- Okay.

- Not bad.

- What-- Oh !

Crawl, that is disgusting !

Hi, how ya doin' ?

Hi.

Hi, Travis.

- Thank you, Dad.

- Zack, help your sister.

- Zack.

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