Sorority Slaughterhouse Page #4

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[LAUGHING] Absolutely not.

Personality?

Highly doubtful.

It's got to be the hot body.

Yep. I'm so shallow.

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

How'd you get

Satan Girl to leave?

I told her to go to hell

and I think that's exactly

where she went.

You two do not get along, huh?

You think so, Mr. Perceptive?

I'm just saying,

because I think I know why.

Okay. I gotta hear this from

the guy majoring in water polo.

Hey, It's psychology 101.

She hates you

because she wants you.

She wants to be me?

No, like she wants

to be with you.

Like, I think she likes girls.

You're saying

Allie is a lesbian?

But, no, I've seen her

with guys before,

amazingly as that seems.

Okay, a closeted

lesbian, perhaps.

Like she probably

doesn't even realize it yet.

No, shut up. You're a guy.

All guys fantasize

of girls being lesbians.

That's not true.

Give me a break.

Two girls, one guy?

Admit it.

[SIGHING] Well,

I can't fight that scenario.

Exactly. Now let's focus

on the matter at hand.

BOBO:
Mmm...

Although...

She did say she was

going to put a curse

on my b*obs before she left.

See? I told you, she was

checking you out.

All girls check out

how other girls look.

It doesn't mean

we're all lesbians.

I beg to differ.

My b*obs are just great.

It's a fact.

Everyone checks them out,

but not in, like,

in a weird, sexual way.

Okay, agreed, agreed.

Let's examine your chest

in a totally

asexual way, all right?

They're not too big,

not too small.

They sit nicely on their chest.

Pronounced but not obtrusive.

And I'm sure the areola is

properly proportioned, too.

Okay, enough.

You're a guy, so you can

find them sexually arousing.

Okay, good, because I do.

Hey, did Allie say what

the curse would entail?

No, she was very vague about it.

Well maybe I should get

a closer look, you know?

Just make sure everything's

right, you know?

Don't want to be growing

a third nipple or something.

Don't even joke about that.

Oh, there seems to be a little,

slight, swelling taking place.

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

That's totally normal

and you know it,

but please, continue.

[THUD] [GROANING]

Well, just don't just lay there.

Fondle or suckle or something.

Richard?

Richard!

BOBO:
Timber!

[SHARP LASHING]

Yee-hay!

It's the clown rodeo circus!

[CHOKING]

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUTED YELLING]

Wild ride, huh?

[LAUGHING]

You're my breast friend!

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHING]

WHITMAN:
Now who's the clown?

Hey, you want to see

something really funny?

[LAUGHING]

Yes!

Is there something

very phallic about this death,

or it is just me?

Now, wait, let me guess.

What kind of

balloon animal are you?

I got it!

A dying mammal!

[LAUGHING]

[GURGLING, CHOKING]

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[LAUGHING]

[WAVES LAPPING]

FAWN:
[DISTANTLY]

Oh, Marcus!

[GROANING] Oh my!

[SIGHING] Seriously?

[MUFFLED MOANING]

Okay!

What are my opinions?

A spell to conjure up

an ice-cold bucket of water.

A spell to cause

premature ejaculation.

A spell to put people on mute!

[MUFFLED MOANING]

Ah ha!

A transference of emotions.

[MUFFLED MOANING]

[EXHALING]

Allie and Fawn

are just like glue.

What happens to one,

happens to two.

[ZAPPING]

[MOANING]

Oh!

He is a big boy.

[MOANING]

Okay. Okay, I'm feeling you.

Now you feel this!

[THUD]

FAWN:
Ow!

MARCUS:
What is it?

FAWN:
I don't know.

Never mind, just keep going.

[GROANING]

No!

Oh no, you don't.

[THUD]

FAWN:
Ow! That hurt!

MARCUS:
What did I do?

FAWN:
You kicked me!

MARCUS:
No, I didn't.

FAWN:
Then who did?

I didn't kick myself, you know.

MARCUS:
Sorry.

[LAUGHING]

[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[PHONE RINGING]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Uh, no, she's a little busy

with her boyfriend right now.

FAWN:
[DISTANTLY] Ow!

No biting!

MARCUS:
I didn't, I swear!

What did you say

about Dean Whitman?

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

When?

How?

Oh my God,

Did... Did they find

anything else in the office?

No, not the gun...

Uh, thanks for calling, Miriam.

I... I've got to go.

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

WHITMAN:
There

you are, Dimpleface.

I've been looking

everywhere for you!

No, this is impossible!

You're...

In this form,

[IMITATING BOBO'S VOICE]

the name's Bobo,

but you can still

call me 'Loverboy'.

Where you going?

Bobo wants to play!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[PANTING]

[STARTLED GASPING]

Playing hard to get, you know?

I always liked that game!

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

[PANTING]

[KNOCKING]

FAWN:
[GROANING]

Go away, please!

I'm, I'm, I'm...

I'm... Packing!

'Packing.' Yeah, right.

There's no time for that!

We have a big problem!

Well, it's actually a small

problem, but just...

Open the door!

MARCUS:
Try someone else.

[SIGHING]

Nina, wake up!

We're in danger.

Uh...

Wear yourself out again?

Oh, you finished your novel.

Good for you.

But you have to get up,

right now!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh my god, no.

[GASPING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCKING]

They're dead!

They're all dead!

What are you talking about?

All the girls, Nina, Kitty,

Victoria. They're all dead!

Richard, too.

What? How?

It's complicated.

Who's responsible?

Dean Whitman.

Spiritually speaking.

What?

I told you it's complicated.

Is this some kind of joke?

I wish it was.

Show me the bodies.

Nina's in her room.

Kitty's in the bath.

Victoria and Richard

are outside by the pool.

Why would Dean Whitman

come here and kill everybody?

Well, it isn't him, exactly.

Because technically,

he's dead too.

She's right!

[RUNNING]

It's not a joke.

ALLIE:
See, I told you!

Is Whitman still here?

I locked him out.

But this place is 90% windows,

and at his new size,

he could have slipped in.

Okay, okay.

You guys stay up here.

You've got to call the police.

I'm gonna go downstairs

and check it out.

Okay.

Don't want to put some clothes

on before you go down there.

Yeah, you're right.

A guy running around in his underwear

doesn't really seem too threatening.

You look good though.

Thanks, babe!

So wait, back up!

You said Dean Whitman was dead.

If that's true,

then who killed everybody?

This is where

it gets complicated,

and a bit metaphysical.

Allie, just spit it out!

Do you believe

when a person dies,

their soul goes

to heaven or hell?

I mean, I don't know. Maybe.

What does that have to do

with anything?

Dean Whitman blew

his brains out yesterday,

and I believe his spirit

transferred into another body!

Wait.

This isn't Whitman?

It's Whitman's soul

inside another form.

You're saying Dean Whitman

possessed somebody.

No. Transferred.

He's inside something that was

never alive to begin with,

so it couldn't really

be a possession.

Wait.

Stick to the facts.

Okay? People are dead,

and somebody killed them.

I need to know

what I'm up against.

A 12-inch clown doll

who answers to the name 'Bobo'.

[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]

Look at me.

The fact that I can say that

with a straight face

just proves the fact that

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