South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut Page #10

PHILLIP:

I just farted Terrance back into the

stone age!

They both laugh hard.

Brooke Shields waits a beat, then belts out a fake laugh.

BROOKE SHIELDS:

I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon!

TERRANCE:

Nobody cares, Brooke Shields!

CONAN O'BRIAN

Terrance and Phillip... Whose idea was

it, to have a person lighting a fart on

fire in your movie? Who is responsible

for that?

Terrance and Phillip exhange glances.

TERRANCE:

Phillip, I think our friend Conan has

been working too hard.

CONAN O'BRIAN

Say it! It was YOUR idea to have someone

light a fart on fire in your movie!

PHILLIP/TERRANCE

(Together)

It was our idea to have someone light a

fart on fire in your movie.

ANGLE ON THE AUDIENCE

Kyle's mother is among them, listening to all this.

KYLE'S MOTHER

(Into her lapel)

That's it! Move, move, move!

ANGLE ON TERRANCE AND PHILLIP

A battalion of Army guys appear, seize Terrance and Phillip

and arrest everyone in their group.

KYLE'S MOTHER

Terrance and Phillip, you are under

arrest for working in America without the

proper documents! WE GOT YOU!

ANGLE - BOYS

KYLE:

Dude, what the hell is going on?

RESUME - THE CONAN O'BRIAN SHOW

TERRANCE:

Phillip, we've been tricked and ambushed

by The Conan O'Brian Show!!

PHILLIP:

This little scrotum sucker willfully

deceived us!

(Pointing to Conan)

You are a bad man!

TERRANCE:

And you call yourself a Canadian!

(To Phillip)

I told you we should of done Leno!

Conan O'Brian turns away, ashamed.

KYLE'S MOTHER

Don't listen to them, Mr. O'Brian.

They're master manipulators. You did a

good job.

TERRANCE:

You loved our movie, Conan! We watched

it together. You... You laughed!

Conan grabs his head.

CONAN O'BRIAN

What have I done?!!!

Conan grabs a gun and blows his head off, dousing Brooke

Shields with blood.

BROOKE SHIELDS:

AGAHGAHGGH!!!! Mondays at eight

AAAGHGH!!!!

Terrance and Phillip laugh merrily. Kyle's mother cradles

Conan's lifeless body.

KYLE'S MOTHER

You see what your filth has caused?

TERRANCE:

US?! This is your mess, outraged mother!!

INT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

The boys are sitting on the couch in absolute shock.

STAN:

Dude, our moms arrested Terrance and

Phillip!

KYLE:

Our moms suck!

CARTMAN:

This could mean... No more Terrance and

Phillip - EVER!

EXT. UNITED NATIONS - DAY

Establishing shot.

INT. UNITED NATIONS - GENERAL ASSEMBLY ROOM

Lots of foreigners with their silly foreign outfits sit at

their stupid microphones with their ridiculous translation

headsets -- in the general assembly hall. The Canadian

Ambassador stands before them.

CANADIAN AMBASSADOR

As The Canadian Ambassador, I hereby

condemn the actions taken by America in

apprehending Terrance and Phillip!

A MURMUR goes through the crowd.

CANADIAN AMBASSADOR

We demand their release IMMEDIATELY!! As

you can see from this graph, the entire

economy of Canada relies on Terrance and

Phillip! Without them we are doomed to

recession!

The United Nations head bangs his gavel.

Now Kyle's mother stands up. She is with a group of mothers

all wearing M.A.C T-shirts.

KYLE'S MOTHER

If I may?

Everyone looks at Kyle's mother.

KYLE'S MOTHER

As president and founder of M.A.C., I

would like to state-

UNITED NATIONS HEAD

Excuse me, M.A.C.?

KYLE'S MOTHER

Yes, Mothers Against Canada.

UNITED NATIONS HEAD

Kay.

KYLE'S MOTHER

I would like to state that Canada must

learn to stop infiltrating our country

with its graphic art!

Cheers from the Americans.

CANADIAN AMBASSADOR

Last time I checked America was a free

country!

KYLE'S MOTHER

Look at this!

Kyle's mother pulls Kenny's mother up by the head.

KYLE'S MOTHER

This woman's child was KILLED by your

country's humor! Look how upset she is!

Kenny's mom looks fine.

CANADIAN AMBASSADOR

We will continue to sell Terrance and

Phillip videos to anyone retarded enough

to buy it!!

KYLE'S MOTHER

Then you leave me no choice... I call for

an EMBARGO on ALL Canadian Imports!!!

More cheers from the Americans. The Canadians look worried.

INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY

The boys are in the check out line at Bob's supermarket.

CARTMAN:

What the hell do you mean I can't get

Cheesy Poofs?!

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes