South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut Page #9

A few more cars careen off and explode into flames as if

ending the song with a borage of fireworks.

INT. OPERATING ROOM -

The boys gather around Kenny's lifeless body.

CARTMAN:

(Dazed)

I bet him he couldn't do it... I bet him

a hundred dollars!

KYLE:

Come on, Cartman. It's not your fault.

CARTMAN:

No, I know. I'm just f***ing STOKED I

don't have to pay him!

KYLE:

Oh.

The boys walk out, leaving Kenny's corpse behind. We can

still hear the boys voices as they exit.

KYLE (O.S.)

I can't believe he's dead.

CARTMAN (O.S.)

Yeah, I'm having total deja vu right now.

Like this has all happened before...

After they leave, PUSH IN to Kenny's dead body, which is

left all alone on the operating table.

The camera continues to zoom in to Kenny's face...

ZOOM IN on Kenny's dead face. We pass into his thoughs...

FLASH!!

EXT. SPACE -

Kenny's body is floating through a great void. A PEACEFUL

SONG plays as he soars upwards to the heavens.

*note - except for Kenny's little construction paper body,

this entire sequence should be done in 3D CGI.

Ahead of him, Kenny can see a great white light. It appears

warm and inviting.

Now Kenny notices large beautiful breasts bobbing up and down

in the heavens. He reaches out to touch them.

Kenny blissfully floats upward toward the bright light and

bobbing breasts. The music crescendos as Kenny gets almost

close enough to the light to touch it.

Just then, a huge, electronic sign pops up. 'Access Denied'.

Suddenly, Kenny goes spiraling downward. The song changes to

a MINISTRY type number as Kenny's surroundings start to

become darker and more twisted.

Kenny's hapless spirit enters a horrifying red tunnel, filled

with flames and heat.

KENNY:

Mph rmph rm!

Burning souls SCREAM and CRY all around Kenny, as his body

plunges into what is now obviously the depths of hell.

Kenny passes images of Hitler, John Wayne Gacy, hunger and

disease as he continues through the twisting tunnel.

He then passes images of Jimmy Stewart and Gandhi. All of

whom are opportunely locked in hell for all eternity.

EXT. MOVIE THEATRE - DAY

The same ticket guy from before is at the ticket booth. The

marquee still reads 'Terrance and Phillip' but a huge sticker

has been placed over it that reads 'banned'.

The boys stand underneath the marquee looking baffled.

STAN:

How can they do this?

KYLE:

It isn't fair!

CARTMAN:

Well, Terrance and Phillip are on Conan

O'Brian tonight, we could at least go

watch that.

The boys hang their heads and walks away.

The ticket guy suddenly hears a bunch of commotion. He sees a

mob of angry mothers, led by Kyle's mother.

KYLE'S MOTHER

THIS must be him, officer! This is the

scum that sold R rated tickets to

children!

TICKET GUY:

What?! Jesus Christ, I didn't mean to!

Barbrady slaps handcuffs on the freaked out teen.

OFFICER BARBRADY

You can explain downtown!

TICKET GUY:

(Getting dragged away)

Oh sh*t! Hey it's not MY fault! You

should arrest those pervert Canadians!

KYLE'S MOTHER

Oh we will, Mr. Scumbag... We will...

EXT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Establishing.

INT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

The boys are sitting on Cartman's couch watching TV.

ANGLE - TELEVISION - THE CONAN O'BRIAN SHOW

Conan comes back from a commercial break. Sitting next to

him, is Ms. Brooke Shields.

CONAN O'BRIAN

Our next guests have the number one movie

in the world right now, please welcome

Terrance and Phillip!

A few cheers as Terrance and Phillip walk out on stage. A few

boos as well, and we see that the South Park mothers are in

the audience holding 'Anti-Terrance and Phillip' signs.

Terrance and Phillip walk out and sit next to Brooke Shields.

PHILLIP:

Hello, Conan!

TERRANCE:

Hello, Brooke Shields!

CONAN:

It's nice to have you here in America.

PHILLIP:

Yeah, well, you being a Canadian and all,

we thought what the hell!

CONAN O'BRIAN

So guys... I understand you have a comedy

routine worked out for us.

PHILLIP:

We sure do, Conan. And here it is. Excuse

me, Terrance.

TERRANCE:

Yes, Phillip?

Phillip rips a fart that launches Terrance backwards and into

the band. They both laugh wildly.

PHILLIP:

Gotcha!

Terrance and Phillip laugh. Nobody in the audience laughs.

ANGLE - BOYS

They laugh merrily.

RESUME - THE CONAN O'BRIAN SHOW

TERRANCE:

Good one, Phillip! Cheers.

PHILLIP:

Cheers, Terrance!

Terrance extricates himself from the band. Conan is growing

nervous. He looks out into the audience...

Kyle's mother is sitting there, looking angry. Conan makes

eye contact with her, and then nods his head. Kyle's mother

nods back.

CONAN O'BRIAN

(Nervous)

So, guys, I need to ask you a serious

question...

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes