South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut Page #20

KYLE:

He's my brother!

FIFTH GRADER:

You don't look Canadian.

KYLE:

He's adopted!

Kyle picks his brother up and tries to protect him.

FIFTH GRADER:

Well you better get his beady eyed

Canadian ass out of America before my

daddy finds him!!

The boys watch in horror as the fifth graders run over and

throw more Canadian items into the fire.

KYLE:

It's only a matter of time before my mom

has HIM burned too!

STAN:

What has the world come to? This is

horrible. We're locked up, burning books,

hating other people-

CARTMAN:

-no Cheesy Poofs.

STAN:

-No Cheesy Poofs... What the hell is

happening?

DRAMATIC MUSIC begins.

KYLE:

I don't know. But it has gone far enough!

I'm sick of it!

(Singing)

Something must be done!

Change has got to come around!

They're taking all our laughter

and burning it to the ground!

Can't you see what this is leading

to?

A world of chains and ties and

glue!

We have to fight before they've

taken every one!

Something must be done!

STAN:

I agree! The only way to save our future

is to unite and fight!

(Singing)

Something must be done!

We must take action fast!

My parents have gotten so strict

they forgot they were children in

the past!

CARTMAN:

And my mom has become so bu-sy

that she's raising heck and

ignoring me

I agree that there is now a battle

to be won!

Something must be done!

STAN:

But what are we going to do against this

entire army?

KYLE:

We've gotta get the word out. We'll get

on my dad's computer and use the

internet! Come on you guys!

The boys proudly head down the street.

BOYS:

Something must be done!

Something's gotta give!

This world has become a b*tch in

which

we have no desire to live!

(*note- cartman gets shocked again on 'b*tch')

BOYS:

We've pushed it to the edge

And now the time has come!

Something's gotta change!

Something must be done!

Something must be done!!!

INT. KYLE'S HOUSE - KYLE'S DAD'S OFFICE

Kyle is at the keyboard of his dad's computer. Stan and

Cartman are waiting in the background.

KYLE:

Okay... I just need to find a few private

message boards...

STAN:

Wait! Before we put a message out, do a

search on the word 'clitoris'.

KYLE:

Okay...

Kyle types in the word and hits return.

KYLE:

(Reading the screen)

"Found Eight Million Pages With the Word

Clitoris"!

STAN:

Wow!

KYLE:

I'll just try the first one.

Kyle clicks the mouse. They wait for the screen to load.

Finally, it does.

KYLE:

Dude! It's a lady giving a blow job to a

horse!

Stan and Cartman rush over.

STAN:

Is it Cartman's mom?

CARTMAN:

Very funny!

KYLE:

Hey... It IS Cartman's mom!!

Cartman looks at the screen.

CARTMAN:

Oh, son of a b*tch!

(ZZAP!!)

AAGHGH!! I mean, son of a biscuit!

STAN:

Maybe THAT'S who your father is, Cartman!

Ike bounces in, happily.

IKE:

Ber dada!

KYLE:

Get out of here Ike, you're too young for

this stuff!

IKE:

Papa mama simi.

Ike bounces out.

CARTMAN:

Come on, just get to the message board!

KYLE:

I'm trying, I can't find a Canadian

server... I've got to break into the main

frame...

Kyle furiously hits a bunch of keys.

KYLE:

Damn it! They've got an access code! I'll

try to reroute the encryptions...

Kyle furiously hits a bunch more keys.

STAN:

Dude, do you know what you're doing?

KYLE:

No, dude, all you have to do is hit the

keys really fast and say a bunch of

stupid sh*t and it works.

Just then the screen pops up. Access Granted.

KYLE:

Bingo. Okay, here we go...

(Typing)

Want to help Terrance and Phillip? Meet

us for a meeting at Gladdy's barn

tomorrow night...

CARTMAN:

Tell 'em we'll have pie and punch.

KYLE:

We're not gonna have pie and punch!

CARTMAN:

More people will come if they think

there'll be pie and punch!

KYLE:

(Typing)

pie and punch... This is Top Secret. The

password is...

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