South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut Page #22

Saddam looks at Kenny.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:

Oh, hey kid. Find those proofs of

purchases yet? No?! Gee, whatta surprise!

Well, keep lookin!

A beat. Satan folds his arms and looks at the floor, pissed.

SATAN:

Do you wanna know what I did today?

Saddam lets out a sigh.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:

What did you do today Satan?

SATAN:

You don't care.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:

Hey fella! Relax! This whole armageddon

thing has got you all stressed out. Let's

make love.

SATAN:

Do you remember when you first got here?

We used to talk all night long. Until the

sun came up... We would just lie in bed

and TALK.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:

That's because I wanted to f*** you,

dumbass! Now hows aboot you get those

pants down!

SATAN:

Don't call me dumb!

SADDAM HUSSEIN:

I mean cute dumb. Now bend over!

As this conversation happens, Kenny's eyes dart back and

forth as if watching a tennis match.

SATAN:

How come you always want to make love to

me from behind? Is it because you want to

pretend I'm somebody else?

Saddam sighs.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:

Satan, your ass is gigantic and red, who

am I gonna pretend you are? Helen Reddy?

A beat.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:

Come on, kid. Help me with these shower

curtains.

Saddam and Kenny walk out. Leaving Satan all alone with sad

music playing.

SATAN:

(Gently)

Sometimes I think

When I look up real high

That there's a whole world up there

And just maybe it could be mine

But then, I sink

because it's here I'm supposed to

stay

but I don't even know how or why

its supposed to be that way-

Satan walks to his veranda.

SATAN:

Up there, there is so much room

Where babies burp and flowers bloom

Everyone dreams I can dream too

Up there, Up where

The skies are ocean blue

I could be safe and live without a

care... Up there

Satan walks over to a bright blue globe and spins it slowly.

SATAN:

They say I don't belong

That my place is down below

Because of my beliefs I'm supposed

to stay where evil is sewn

But what is evil anyway?

Is there reason to the rhyme?

Without evil there could be no good

So it must be good to be evil

sometimes

Up there, there is so much room

Where babies burp and flowers bloom.

Everyone dreams I can dream too

Up there, Up where

The skies are ocean blue

I could be safe and life without a

care... Up there

PULL BACK, big crane shot rising above Satan.

EXT. SMALL ABANDONED BUILDING - NIGHT

A dim light is all that is visible from inside the small

building.

INT. LA RESISTANCE - NIGHT

Stan and Kyle are painting a sign on the wall 'La

Resistance'.

Cartman comes running in, he looks scared.

KYLE:

You're late, Cartman!

CARTMAN:

I had to ride my bike here. My behind is

killing me.

KYLE:

Your behind?

CARTMAN:

I have to say 'behind'! I get shocked if

I say 'ass-

(BBZZAATT)

OW!!!

KYLE:

Did you bring the pie and punch?

CARTMAN:

No you guys... Something happened... You

guys wanna hear something creepy?

(Looking over each shoulder)

I don't think Kenny is dead.

STAN:

What?

CARTMAN:

I saw him last night!

KYLE:

I know Cartman, I know. I see Kenny

every day.

CARTMAN:

YOU DO?!

KYLE:

Sure, dude. On the face of every child,

on the smile of every baby...

Kyle and Stan laugh again.

CARTMAN:

Hey! I'm telling you this WAS Kenny! I

think he's haunting me.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

The boys all look scared.

KYLE:

Somebody's here...

The boys walk over to the door, and open the sliding panel in

front of their eyes.

KYLE:

Who is it?

VOICE:

Uhh... I'm here for La Resistance.

KYLE:

What's the password?

VOICE:

Uhh... I don't know.

KYLE:

Guess.

VOICE:

Uhh... Bacon.

KYLE:

Okay.

Kyle opens the door. The golden haired young boy from rehab

stands there looking handsome and angelic.

GREGORY:

Viva la Resistance.

STAN:

Oh no, it's that kid.

GREGORY:

This is the place--

Another kid walks up next to Gregory, it's Wendy. Stan's eyes

grow wide.

STAN:

Wendy?

WENDY:

Stan?! YOU started La Resistance?

GREGORY:

Well, apparently you have a bigger heart

than we thought. Let us get this meeting

underway, there are others coming.

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes