South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut Page #23

Gregory takes Wendy's hand and pushes his way in. Stan fumes.

INT. LA RESISTANCE - LATER

Now the room is filled with a bunch of scared looking

RESISTANCE FOLLOWERS. All of whom are under the age of

twelve.

The room is lit only by candlelight. And the large 'VIVA LA

RESISTANCE' banner hands on the wall.

Stan and Kyle look nervous.

STAN:

Everyone be seated, please.

The kids all sit down.

KYLE:

Wow, a lot of people showed up.

STAN:

Yeah, so what do we say?

KYLE:

I thought you had something planned.

STAN:

Me?!

Stan looks out over the faces. Gregory checks his watch.

STAN:

(Nervous)

Kay. Uh... Terrance and Phillip are

supposed to be killed, and we think that

sucks ass!!

The kids don't respond. Stan shoots a nervous look at Wendy,

who is sitting next to Gregory.

STAN:

Uhh... So we think we should prank call a

bunch of policemen! We can have pizzas

sent to them that they didn't order! VIVA

LA RESISTANCE!!!

Again no response. Gregory rolls his eyes.

STAN:

Uhh...

Gregory stands up.

GREGORY:

May I?

STAN:

What?

Gregory takes Stan's place at the front of the group.

GREGORY:

Terrance and Phillip are currently being

held at a Canadian Internment camp two

kilometers outside of town.

They are to be executed tomorrow during a

star-studded USO show for the troops.

Gregory pulls a big map out of nowhere and rolls it out. Stan

and Kyle can't believe it.

GREGORY:

We must sneak into the camp through this

duct, freeing Terrance and Phillip

inside... The war is escalating, and the

American forces are preparing for a large

scale attack on Canada. That means the

time is now...

KYLE:

Wow, dude, Wendy's new guy is smart.

Stan shoots Kyle a dirty look.

GREGORY:

This is a dangerous mission, so I'll go

myself.

Wendy smiles at Gregory.

STAN:

No!

Everyone looks at Stan.

STAN:

WE'RE going! WE started La Resistance to

save Terrance and Phillip! We're going!

GREGORY:

This will be very dangerous... Are you

quite sure?

CARTMAN:

F*** that!

(BZZT)

AGAGH!!

STAN:

We're going... Let's run through the

plan!!

INT. SOUTH PARK - AMERICAN ARMY HEADQUARTERS

A huge hall is filled with hundreds of soldiers in different

battalions.

We see our regulars: Mr. Garrison with a uniformed Mr. Hat,

Mr. Mackey, Jimbo and Ned, Bo, Pip, Stan's Grandfather,

Jesus, Officer Barbrady....

JIMBO:

Oh, I'm so glad there's a war again. I

was gettin' worried I'd never see another

one!

NED:

I know what you mean.

JIMBO:

And they're giving all us troops a big

USO tomorrow with celebrities and

executions!

PAN OVER to Mr. Garrison.

MR. GARRISON

You look great in your new uniform Mr.

Hat.

MR. HAT

You do too, Mr. Garrison.

MR. GARRISON

Boy, I can't wait for our first shore-

leave so I can go get me some poontang.

Chef sits down in a seat behind Garrison near the back.

GENERAL PLYMKIN, a gruff old army type with bug eyes, steps

up to a podium and addresses the troops.

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

PAY ATTENTION!

The crowd settles down.

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

It's no secret that the Evil Canadian

Federation has scored major victories all

over the United State. We have brought

you here because you ar America's best,

and last hope.

Another general leans over to Plymkin and whispers in his

ear.

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

Oh... Apparently you're not the best,

you're simply the last. Anyway, let's

strategize... Map!

A large, holographic 3-D map of South Park springs up in

front of him. He walks around it pointing out things with a

laser-pointer.

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

Our sources have told us that the

Canadians might try to attach tomorrow's

USO show and stop us from executing

Terrance and Phillip.

He points to a spot on the 3-D map.

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

Now each battalion has a specific code-

name and mission. Battalion 5, raise

your hands-

Chef is in Battalion 5 and dutifully raises his hand.

Then he looks around and notices to his surprise that

everybody else in his section is also African American.

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

You will be the all-important first

defense wave, which we will call

'Operation Human Shield'.

CHEF:

Hey, wait a minute...

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

Now keep in mind, 'Operation Human

Shield' will suffer heavy losses. But

don't lose your spirit men! Stay until

the bitter end. Battalion 14?

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