South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut Page #3

TERRANCE:

I don't know, Phillip, what?

Phillip rips a big fart. Terrance and Phillip laugh merrily.

ANGLE - BOYS

Laughing their asses off.

KYLE:

That was sweet!

STAN:

Where do they come up with this stuff?!

CARTMAN:

How come Terrance and Phillip are so

weird looking?

KYLE:

Cuz, dummy they're Canadian, just like

Ike!

CARTMAN:

Oh.

IKE:

Poo bada!

ANGLE - SCREEN

TERRANCE:

You're such a pigfucker, Phillip!

PHILLIP:

What?! Why would you call me a

pigfucker?!

TERRANCE:

Well, let's see... First of all, you f***

pigs.

PHILLIP:

Oh yeah!

Terrance and Phillip laugh merrily.

ANGLE - BOYS

KYLE:

Woa, dude! Did they say what I think they

said?

ANGLE - SCREEN

Terrance pulls out a white envelope.

TERRANCE:

Well, f*** my ass and call me a b*tch, I

just got a letter!

PHILLIP:

A letter from who, you sh*t sucking cock

master?

TRACK IN on the boys' wide eyed faces as the dialogue from

the film enters their innocent ears.

TERRANCE:

It's from your mother.

PHILLIP:

My mother sent YOU a letter? What's it

say?

TERRANCE:

It says 'Dear Terrance, please don't ever

tell my son that I licked your hairy

balls.'

Terrance and Phillip laugh merrily.

PHILLIP:

Oh, you f***ing ball whore!

The boys don't laugh, they just smile widely, they seem busy

taking it all in.

CARTMAN:

Wow... Ball whore...

TERRANCE:

Listen, you donkey raping sh*t eater-

KYLE:

(To himself)

Donkey raping sh*t eater.

IKE:

Doky maping she deeder!!!

TERRANCE:

You'd f*** your uncle!

PHILLIP:

YOU'D f*** your uncle!

TERRANCE:

(Singing)

Shut your f***ing face,

Unclefucka!!

You're an asslicking, Ball sucking

Unclefucka!!

You're an Unclefucka, yes it's true

Nobody fucks Uncles quite like you-

PHILLIP:

SHUT YOUR F***ING FACE!!

UNCLEFUCKA!!!

YOU'RE the one that f***ed your

Uncle, UNCLEFUCKA!!!

You don't eat, or sleep or mow the

lawn

You just f*** your Uncle all day

long!

TERRANCE & PHILLIP

Shut your f***ing face, Unclefucka!

You butt licking bastard

Unclefucka!

TERRANCE:

You're an Unclefucka I must say!

PHILLIP:

You f***ed YOUR Uncle yesterday!

TERRANCE & PHILLIP

Unclefucka! That's YOUUUUUUU!!!!!

The song ends and the boys erupt into applause.

EXT. MOVIE THEATRE - DAY

The boys walk out of the theatre with glazed eyes and wide

smiles.

KYLE:

Dude, that movie was f***ing sweet!

CARTMAN:

You bet your f***ing ass it was!

STAN:

F***, dude, I wanna be just like Terrance

and Phillip!

TICKET GUY:

Hey wait a minute... Where's your

guardian?

STAN:

Huh?

TICKET GUY:

I knew it! You PAID a homeless guy to get

you in, didn't you!

The boys think a second.

CARTMAN:

Suck my balls.

KYLE:

Yeah,

(Singing)

Shut your f***ing face,

Unclefucka!!

The boys walk away, merrily. The ticket guy is in shock.

TICKET GUY:

Oh oh, I'm in trouble.

BOYS:

(Singing, fading off)

You're an asslicking, ball sucking

Unclefucka!!

EXT. STARK'S POND - DAY

All the children of South Park are gathered at the pond for

ice skating.

The scene is reminiscent of the skating scene from the

Charlie Brown Christmas special.

Delicate snowflakes fall, children laugh and skate, and

joyous music plays.

The boys walk up to the pond.

CLYDE:

Hey, where have you guys been all day?

STAN:

Oh, nowhere... We just went out to go see

the TERRANCE AND PHILLIP MOVIE!

All the kids gasp! Dramatic MUSIC STING.

BEBE:

You saw it?!

CLYDE:

How'd you get in?!

Suddenly, all the kids are gathered around the boys. They're

like celebrities.

CARTMAN:

Hey! Stop crowding us you shitfaced

cockmasters!

All the kids stop, wide eyed. As if they've just hear the

voice of God.

KIDS:

Wowwww...

STAN:

Yeah, you're all a bunch of ass ramming

unclefuckers.

KIDS:

Ooooohhh!!!

CLYDE:

(To another kid)

We HAVE to see this movie, dude.

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