South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut Page #30

The crowd cheers.

KYLE'S MOM

Strap them in!

Terrance and Phillip are then greeted by the EXECUTIONER,

donned in a black hood.

The scary giant Executioner grabs Terrance and Phillip and

puts them into electric chairs.

KYLE'S MOM

Today is a great day for democracy!

The crowd cheers.

The Executioner steps up to the throw switch.

TERRANCE:

Phillip, this is worse than that trip to

Quebec City when I fell asleep in that

disco.

PHILLIP:

I know, Terrance. I know.

EXT. SOMEWHERE IN SOUTH PARK - NIGHT

LONG SHOT of a desolate, dark area.

It has started to rain. Stan trudges through the wilderness

looking tired and scared.

STAN:

Hello? Where the hell am I? Is anybody

here?

A few wolf HOWLS sound in the distance. Stan walks on.

STAN:

MARCO!!!

No answer.

STAN:

MARCO!!!

No answer. Stan stumbles a bit.

STAN:

Dude, weak... Can't go on... Dizzy...

Stan falls to the ground. His face plops in the rainy mud and

his head smacks against a rock.

Stan is out cold.

Just then, a strange sound emerges. It is like a pulsating

WOBBLE. Stan slowly awakes, picks up his head and shines his

flashlight around.

STAN:

What is that?

The sound gets louder. Stan shines his flashlight on

something that is huge and throbbing.

STAN:

OH MY GOD!!!

EXT. STAGE - NIGHT

Kyle's mother approaches Terrance and Phillip.

KYLE'S MOM

Gentlemen, do you have any last words?

PHILLIP:

Last words? Let's see... How aboot "GET

ME THE F*** OUT OF THIS CHAIR". How's

that for last words?

Kyle's mom nods to the Executioner.

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

WAIT!!

General Plymkin walks out next to Kyle's mother.

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

We have just captured some Canadian

Sympathizers!

The crowd cheers. Kyle's mother smiles.

KYLE'S MOTHER

We will execute them along with Terrance

and Phillip for your viewing pleasure!

Another cheer. The mothers are all very pleased. That is,

until they see Kyle and Cartman brought out to the stage at

gunpoint.

KYLE'S MOTHER

Kyle?!

CARTMAN'S MOTHER

Eric?

KYLE:

Hi, ma.

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

We also have a Canadian SPY who was

hiding out in South Park!!

Now Ike is brought out at gunpoint.

KYLE'S MOTHER

Ike?!

Kyle's mother rushes over to General Plymkin.

KYLE'S MOTHER

General... These are OUR CHILDREN!

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

They are Canadian sympathizers and they

must be dealt with accordingly!

STAN'S MOTHER

But they're CHILDREN!

Cartman walks over to where Terrance and Phillip are strapped

into their chairs.

CARTMAN:

Dude! Terrance and Phillip! Wow! Can I

get your autographs?!

TERRANCE:

Sure, tubby, just as soon as we're

killed.

KENNY'S MOTHER

We can't kill these kids!

GENERAL PLYMKIN:

Listen mothers, YOU'RE the ones that

started all this. Don't get all emotional

NOW!

STAN'S MOTHER

But we're doing all this to help our

children's futures!

CARTMAN'S MOTHER

Yes, I think shooting our children would

adversely affect their futures.

KYLE'S MOTHER

No... The General is right.

KYLE:

MOM!!!

KYLE'S MOTHER

Boobie... This is the only way you're

ever going to learn. I have an

opportunity here to teach you about

consequences.

STAN'S MOTHER

Sheila, you're going to far! Those are

YOUR children!

KYLE'S MOTHER

YES! AND I WILL NOT ALLOW MY CHILDREN TO

BE RUINED BY SMUT!!

(To Kyle)

I am sorry young man, but I have had it

up to here! STRAP THEM IN!

She walks away.

KYLE:

YOU GOTTA BE F***ING KIDDING ME!!

KYLE'S MOTHER

KYLE BROVLOFSKI, YOU WATCH YOUR

LANGUAGE!!

EXT. IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE - NIGHT

Stan is still lying in mud, but now he lies before a HUGE,

pulsating, organic looking thing that belongs in the X-Files.

It's the size of a small building.

The massive thing starts to glow. Stan looks weak and afraid.

BIG THING:

Be not afraid...

Stan trembles.

STAN:

(Weakly)

What...

BIG THING:

Behold my glory.

STAN:

What... are you?

BIG THING:

I am the clitoris.

Stan's eyes grow wide. MUSIC starts to swell up.

STAN:

The clitoris?! I DID IT!! I FOUND THE

CLITORIS!!

BIG THING:

Stan, your friends need you. They are in

trouble and you must help them.

STAN:

Wait, you're supposed to tell me how to

get Wendy to like me.

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