South Park Page #4

KYLE:

(SIGHING)

Mr. Hat, may I please be excused

from class?...

Mr. Garrison shoves his puppeted hand violently in Kyle's

face, and changes his voice.

MR.HAT

Well Kyle, NO! You hear me? You go

to hell, you go to hell and you die!

MR. GARRISON

Hmm, guess you'll have to take your

seat, Kyle.

KYLE:

Dammit!

CARTMAN:

Ha, ha! Mr. Hat yelled at you!

Just then, Cartman farts a HUGE fireball.

CARTMAN:

AAAGHH!! Ow, my ass!

STAN:

Damn Cartman!

He farts another fire ball.

CARTMAN:

OW! OWWW MY ASS!!

KYLE:

Dude, he's farting fire!

STAN:

(pointing to Cartman)

It's the alien anal probe! It's

shooting fire from Cartman's rectum!!

CARTMAN:

No, that was just a dream!

Cartman farts another flame.

MR. GARRISON

Eric, do you need to sit in the corner

until your flaming gas is under

control?

CARTMAN:

No, Mr. Garrison. I'm fine.

Cartman farts a HUG fireball which burns PIP, a little english

boy.

PIP:

OWWWW!!!!!

The class watches as their classmate runs out in flames.

ACT II:

EXT. TRAIN CROSSING - DAY

A train is passing by and the cows are standing in line trying

to get on.

TRAIN ENGINEER:

Hey, you cows can't get on this train,

this is a people train. You cows

have no business on a people train,

alright, 'cause you're cows.

The cows stare at the engineer.

TRAIN ENGINEER:

No, no no, don't try any of that cow

hypnosis on me alright, 'cause it's

not going to work!!!

Just then, Officer Barbrady drives up with his sirens on.

OFFICER BARBRADY

Hold it right there cows.

Cows start to stampede away from Barbrady.

OFFICER BARBRADY

Come back here!

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY

The kids are all in line for lunch. Cartman farts a huge

fireball.

CARTMAN:

OOOOWWWW!!! Ooh, I sure am hungry.

STAN:

How can you eat when you're farting

fire?

CARTMAN:

Shut up, dude. You're being totally

immature.

KYLE:

Hey look! There's Wendy Testaburger!

STAN:

Where?

Adorable little WENDY TESTABURGER steps into the lunch line.

ZOOM in on Stan who is absolutely in love. Little Hearts

form all around his head - and Tchaikovsky's 'Romeo and

Juliet' swells up.

The other boys see Stan's reaction and laugh.

CARTMAN:

(Singing)

Stan wan-ts to ki-ss Wen-dy

Testaburger

STAN:

Shut up Fat Ass! I don't even like

her!

CARTMAN:

I'm not fat - And you obviously like

her, because you throw up every time

she talks to you!

STAN:

I do not!

Wendy walks up to the boys.

WENDY:

Hi guys.

KYLE AND CARTMAN

Hi Wendy.

WENDY:

Here Stan, this is for you.

Wendy hands Stan a note. Stan VOMITS VIOLENTLY all over

himself.

WENDY:

Ew!

KYLE AND CARTMAN

Bye Wendy.

Wendy walks away.

KYLE:

Dude, what does the note say?!

Stan opens the note and reads it.

STAN:

Holy crap! It says she wants to

meet ME at Starks Pond after school.

KYLE:

Whoa, maybe you can kiss her.

CARTMAN:

Or slip her the tongue.

KENNY:

Mmmph mrrr mff Mrmmph

STAN:

What? How do you know she has a cat?

After a painfully long pause, the boys all laugh.

CARTMAN:

I get it.

KYLE:

C'mon you guys, we need to figure

out how to get out of school so we

can get my little brother back!

The boys make it to the front of the line, where Chef is

handing lunch trays to the boys and girls.

CHEF:

Hello there children.

KIDS:

Hey, Chef.

CHEF:

How are you doing?

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