South Park Page #5

KYLE:

Bad.

CHEF:

Why bad?

KYLE:

Chef, have you ever had something

happen to you... But nobody believed

you?

CHEF:

Aw, children, children, that's a

problem we've ALL had to face at

some time or another. Here, let me

sing you a little song... It might

clear things up.

Music swells up.

CHEF:

(SINGING)

I'm gonna make love to you woman,

gonna lay you down by the fire - And

caress your womanly body, make you

moan and perspire,

STAN:

Ah Chef, Chef.

CHEF:

Gonna get those juices flowin'

STAN:

Chef.

CHEF:

We're making love gravy, love gravy,

STAN:

Chef!!!!!

CHEF:

Love, love, love.... GRAVY!!!-

STAN:

-CHEF!!

The music stops.

CHEF:

Huh, do you feel better?

KYLE:

No!

CHEF:

Oh, come on children, what can be so

bad? It's Salisbury steak day!

STAN:

Visitors took Kyle's baby brother.

CHEF:

WHAT?!

Chef runs around the counter and kneels down by the kids.

CHEF:

(Whispering)

Well what the hell are you doing in

school, eating Salisbury steak?! Go

find him, dammit!

STAN:

Mr. Garrison won't let us out of

school. He thinks we're making it

up.

CARTMAN:

You ARE making it up!

Just then, Cartman farts another fireball. But this time, a

long, metal object emerges from his ass. It opens like a

robotic eye and looks around.

STAN:

Woa!

CARTMAN:

What?

The eye looks around, blinks, then closes itself and zips

back into Cartman's ass.

KYLE:

That was cool!

Chef spins Cartman around and looks at his ass.

CHEF:

It's some kind of sembiodic

metamorphosis device. This could

mean the visitors want to communicate

with us!

CARTMAN:

Oh, I see, now YOU'RE going to join

in on the little joke, huh?

CHEF:

It's no joke children, this is big!

KYLE:

(pleading)

Please Chef, if I don't get out of

school and get my little brother

back from the aliens, my parents are

gonna disown me.

Chef thinks for a second.

CHEF:

Ah, hold on now... You got to help

the children!

CARTMAN:

You guys sure are going a long way

to try to scare me. I WANT MY

SALISBURY STEAK!!!

Chef pulls the fire alarm.

CHEF:

Fire Drill!!! Fire Drill, everybody

out. Okay children, this is your

chance.

The boys all take off.

STAN:

Killer, thanks Chef.

CHEF:

Man oh man, first contact with the

alien visitors. I've got to get myself

ready...

EXT. LITTLE TOWN - SOUTH PARK

Kids are singing.

KIDS:

We got out of school... No more school

today... We got out of school.

Cartman farts a fire ball.

CARTMAN:

OHHHH - YOU GUYS, MY ASS!! SERIOUSLY.

STAN:

Okay, Cartman, you can stop farting

fire now.

CARTMAN:

I would if I could you son of a b*tch!

KYLE:

Okay, so how do we get my little

brother back?

CARTMAN:

Would you stop going on about your

little brother?! I KNOW it was just

a dream! I KNOW I didn't have an

anal probe! And I KNOW that I'm not

under alien control!!!

Suddenly, there is a loud BZAP!!! Cartman's expression

completely changes.

His eyes widen - and his mouth curls into a false smile.

Strange 30's music starts to play from nowhere and Cartman

starts to sing (although his voice isn't his own)

CARTMAN:

(Singing)

I love to sing-a! About the moon-a

and the Juna and the spring-a! I

love to sing-a!

Stan and Kyle look on, perplexed.

CARTMAN:

About a sky of blue or a tea for

two.

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