South Park Page #7

MRS. CARTMAN

Sure, hon. You want some Cheesy Poofs

too?

CARTMAN:

Yea I want Cheesy Poofs!

EXT. STARK'S POND - AFTERNOON

Stan and Kyle are standing at Stark's pond.

KYLE:

Well, looks like she's not gonna

show up, Stan. Let's go look for the

visitors now.

STAN:

But her note said she'd be here!

WENDY:

Hi Stan.

Wendy appears from frame left. Stan immediately vomits all

over himself.

WENDY:

Ew!

KYLE:

You can't talk to Stan, Wendy, he

throws up when you do.

WENDY:

But why Stan?

Stan vomits some more.

WENDY:

Eww!

KYLE:

Look, could you guys just get down

to business so we can go find my

little brother?

WENDY:

Huh?

KYLE:

Just make sweet love down by the

fire.

WENDY:

What happened to your little brother?

INT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON

Cartman is still busy eating and watching T.V.

ANGLE - TELEVISION

A TV REPORTER stands out in a random wheat field.

TV REPORTER:

As the reports of UFO sightings

increase, more mysterious crop-circle

patterns are appearing in fields all

around South Park. These crop circles,

when viewed from above, form strange

patterns...

ZOOM OUT to show a huge crop-circle that looks EXACTLY like

Cartman.

RESUME - CARTMAN ON COUCH

CARTMAN:

Hey, that kinda looks like... Tom

Selleck.

TV REPORTER (O.S.)

Could it be that aliens are trying

to make contact with us here on Earth?

Just then, Cartman's cute little kitty, KITTY, walks up and

looks at him innocently. The kitty MEOWs.

CARTMAN:

No Kitty... This is MY pot-pie.

The cat meows again.

CARTMAN:

No kitty! Bad Kitty!! No Kitty,

this is MY pot pie!!! MOMM!!! Kitty's

being a dildo!!

Cartman's mother appears from the kitchen.

CARTMAN'S MOM

Well then I know a certain kitty

kitty who's sleeping with mommy

tonight.

CARTMAN:

What?

EXT. STARK'S POND - AFTERNOON

Kyle is finishing his story to Wendy.

KYLE:

...And now I have to go home without

him and my parents are going to have

me killed!

WENDY:

Well, why don't you go get the fat

kid?

KYLE:

Why?

WENDY:

Well if the fat kid has something

implanted in his ass, maybe the

visitors are using him as part of

their plan. You should use the fat

kid as bait to bring them back.

KYLE:

Hey, you're right Wendy! C'mon Stan,

We have to go get Cartman!

WENDY:

C'mon Stan!

Stan vomits.

WENDY:

Ewwww!

STAN:

Hey wait, when do I get to make sweet

love?

INT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON

CARTMAN:

No Kitty!! You can't have any!!

The cat puts its paw up and meows cutely.

CARTMAN:

NO KITTY! THIS IS MY POT-PIE! BAD

KITTY!!

Cartman farts a fireball onto his cat. The cat runs away, on

fire, making horrible sounds.

CARTMAN:

Oh, excuse me, kitty.

Cartman's mother opens the door to reveal Stan, Kyle and

Wendy.

MRS. CARTMAN

Eric, look who's here!

CARTMAN:

Dude, WEAK mom!

KYLE:

Come on, Eric, we're going to go

play at the bus stop.

CARTMAN:

Can't- My mom says-

MRS. CARTMAN

That's okay, Eric. I think you need

to spend time with your little

friends.

CARTMAN:

But mom, I don't want to spend time

with my little friends.

MRS. CARTMAN

Don't be difficult, Eric. Now you go

out and play in the fun snow.

CARTMAN:

God Dammit!

The burning kitty races through frame.

EXT. REMOTE LOCATION BY A TREE - NIGHT

Stan ties a rope to Cartman's ankle. Kyle ties the other end

to a nearby tree.

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