South Park Page #8

CARTMAN:

(EXTREMELY NERVOUS)

You guys, I have to get home.

STAN:

Don't be such a fraidy cat, Cartman!

This rope will make sure they can't

take you on board again.

Wendy, Stan and Kyle walk over to some bushes and crouch

down, leaving Cartman all alone in the darkness.

Cartman stares up nervously at the starry, ominous sky.

CARTMAN:

Oh man, this sucks.

KYLE:

How come the visitors aren't coming

for him?

STAN:

I think we need to signal the them

somehow.

Cartman farts and a flame lights up the surroundings.

CARTMAN:

OWWWWW!

WENDY:

Hey, he's like rudolph!

KYLE:

Yeah all you have to do is fart some

more, Cartman, and the visitors are

sure to come.

CARTMAN:

Really? Uhh.. I don't think I have

to fart anymore tonight.

KYLE:

Sure you do!

STAN:

Come on, Cartman! Fart!

CARTMAN:

I don't wanna...

STAN:

He can't hold it in forever.

KYLE:

Fart Damn you!

CARTMAN:

Okay!! That does it!!! Now listen!

Why is it that everything today has

involved things either going in or

coming out of MY ASS?! I'm sick of

it! It's completely immature!!!

Suddenly, the metal rod emerges once again from Cartman's

ass.

STAN:

Hey! It's happening again!

This time, the rod looks around, then expands, and expands,

folds over onto itself and expands again, until finally an

eighty foot satellite dish is sticking out of Cartman's ass.

KYLE:

Woa! Look at that!

STAN:

Now do you believe us Cartman?!

Cartman glances quickly at the dish.

CARTMAN:

You guys can't scare me! I know you're

making it all up!

STAN:

Cartman! There's an eighty-foot

satellite dish sticking out of your

ass!

CARTMAN:

Sure you guys, whatever.

The dish powers up with a low hum and a huge yellow beam of

light shoots out from it like a searchlight.

EXT. OUTER SPACE

The beam of light emulates from Earth and shoots outwards

into space.

EXT. CHEF'S BACK YARD

Chef is dressed in party clothes and sunglasses. He is sitting

in a lounge chair out on his front lawn. He has a little

sign that reads 'Welcome Visitors!' Chef notices the big

bright light.

CHEF:

Oh, boy! The aliens are going to

make first contact!

Chef swigs a beer.

CHEF:

(Shouting)

Hey, down here! We are ready for

your wisdom!

(Checking his watch)

And you only got twenty minutes before

Sanford and Son is on!

RESUME - FIELD

CARTMAN:

YOU GUYS! I AM SERIOUSLY GETTING

PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW! I KNOW THERE'S

NO SUCH THING AS ALIENS!!

Just then, a HUGE alien mother ship drops down from the sky

directly above Cartman. It is quickly followed by several

scout ships.

CARTMAN:

OH, GOD DAMMIT!!

Mr. Garrison is driving by and stops when he sees all the

commotion.

MR. GARRISON

What the? I tell you, there is some

crazy stuff going on in this town.

Mr. Hat pops up.

MR. HAT

You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.

KYLE:

Come down here you stinkin' aliens!

Five aliens beam down, and instantly appear in front of Stan,

Kyle, and Wendy. The kids are really scared.

STAN:

Go on, Kyle, ask them for your little

brother back...

KYLE:

(Tenderly)

V-Visitors... This morning you took

my brother, Ike. He's the little

freckled kid that looks like a

football...

The Visitors stare at Kyle.

KYLE:

At first I was happy you took him

away... But I've learned something

today; that having a little brother

is a pretty special thing.

STAN:

Yeah...

Violin music swells up.

KYLE:

Aw, heck, Mr. Visitors, I'm just a

kid all alone in this crazy world,

but if you could just find it in

your hearts or whatever you have to

give my brother back to me, it sure

would make my life brighter again

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