South Park Page #9

Kyle bows his head down and starts to sob.

STAN:

That was beautiful, dude.

KYLE:

(still looking down)

Did it work?

STAN:

Nope, they're leaving.

KYLE:

HEY YOU SKRAWNY ASS (BEEP)-HEADS!

The visitors turn around.

KYLE:

WHAT'S THE (BEEP) IS WRONG WITH YOU,

YOU (BEEP) LITTLE (BEEP). YOU MUST

BE SOME KIND OF (BEEP) TO BE ABLE TO

IGNORE A CRYING CHILD.

Stan is absolutely shocked.

STAN:

Woa, dude.

KYLE:

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE!? I BET YOU'D

ALL LIKE TO (BEEP) YOUR OWN (BEEP)

WHILE SHE (BEEP) ON YOUR (BEEP)

(BEEP)!!

STAN:

Hey Wendy, what's a (BEEEEEP)

Wendy shrugs.

Suddenly, a large door on the alien mothership opens. Ike is

entombed in some sort of alien machinery. He is being spun

around and is shocked with all sorts of alien electricy but

generally looks as happy as he always does.

IKE:

Blaa Ba Wah Wahh

KYLE:

Ike! Jump down now for the love of

God Ike, JUMP!!!!

IKE:

Bo ham me!

Just then, the herd of cows comes running in. The cows come

to a screeching halt RIGHT IN FRONT of the aliens! Their

poor little cow eyes grow wide and they start to shake.

The visitors stare at the cows. The cows shiver, they have

nowhere to run. Finally, one of the visitors raises its hand

in a Vulcan-like gesture.

VISITOR:

Moo.

The cows all look suprised.

VISITOR:

Mooo. Moooo. Mooo.

SUBTITLES:
"Greetings, Cows of Earth. We come in peace."

The cows all look at each other. Finally, one cow makes a

noise.

COW:

Moo?

SUBTITLES:
"Really?"

Meanwhile, Kyle and the kids are still trying to get Ike to

jump down.

KYLE:

Come on, Ike! I promise I'll be nice

to you from now on!

IKE:

Don kick da bebe!

The visitors continue to moo at the cows.

VISITOR:

Moo. Moo. Moo.

SUBTITLES:
"We have experimented with all the beings of Earth,

and have learned that you are the most intelligent and wise."

CARTMAN:

What the hell are they talking about?!

COW:

Moo. Moo, moo?

Subtitle:
"Why did you turn some of us inside out?"

The visitors look at each other.

VISITOR:

Moo, moo, moo. Moo.

Subtitle:
"Oh, that was Carl's fault. He's new."

Another visitor steps raises his hand in the background

VISITOR CARL:

Moo. Moo.

Subtitle:
"Yeah, sorry about that. My bad."

KYLE:

Ike!!!!!

The visitors hand over a small clear obelisk and place it on

the ground in front of the cows who just stare at it.

VISITOR:

Moo, moo, moo. Moo.

Subtitle:
"Take this device. It is a gift from us."

Kyle stands underneath his brother who still won't jump down.

KYLE:

Ike! Do your impersonation of David

Caruso's career.

IKE:

It's my tun!

Finally, Ike jumps from the machine and lands upside down in

the snow.

The large satellite dish collapses and disappears back into

Cartman's ass.

VISITOR:

Moo, moo, moo. Moo.

Subtitle:
"Farewell, cows, peace be with you."

The visitors disappear and beam up to their ship. A light

shines down on Cartman down and sucks him up.

CARTMAN:

You guys! Get me down from here!!

Flames shoot out of Cartman's ass in a flaming fart. The

flames burn the rope and Cartman goes shooting upwards.

Cartman floats up into the spacecraft. Once inside, the hatch

closes and the ship takes off. In the distance, the kids can

hear Cartman.

CARTMAN:

Heeeeeeelp... Sonns a bitcheeees!!

DIIIIILLLLLDOOOS!!

With the UFO gone, the forest is silent once again.

STAN:

I'm sure glad that's over with.

KYLE:

Yeah, boy am I glad to see you, Ike!

IKE:

Oh he fly at the sky.

EXT. CHEF'S BACK YARD

CHEF:

Wait, where are you going Alien

visitors? Come back!!!

LADY #1

Well Chef, where's this amazing thing

you're going to show us?

CHEF:

Well, it's in the bedroom ladies,

come on in.

CUT TO:

KYLE:

C'mon Ike, we can make it just in

time for dinner.

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