Spaceman Page #3

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Because it is a god given talent.

That's right.

And the spaceman here

is an icon,

he's bigger than the game itself.

Okay, all right, dick.

And the game needs fellas like this.

That's enough.

No, no, no.

Let's get another one.

I got a way of getting

you back on the mound.

A word in my office,

s'il vous plait.

Okay, I can't wait

to hear this one.

Yep.

Right, Larry, thank you.

So how's the new novel

coming along there, dick?

Great. Just waiting on

notes from the editor.

He's real excited

about this one.

Isn't that what you said

about the last one?

Yeah, and the one before that.

But this is not about

my bad luck streak.

It is about

your bad luck streak.

You got a plan?

Yeah, I got a plan.

What is it? My plan is

to wait by the phone

and just wait for the

offers to come rolling in.

That's my plan.

What if your phone don't ring?

It will.

I gotta be honest with you, bill.

You're 35 years old.

You're not over the hill just yet, but

you're not a spring chicken either.

Satchel Paige threw

three scoreless innings

against the Red Sox

when he was 59 years old.

I'm well aware of that fact.

And that's why

I got a real plan.

What we're gonna do...

We're gonna write letters

to every single team

in major league baseball.

We're gonna let 'em know that you are

healthy, ready, and available to play.

You mean every team

in the national league?

Why?

Oh.

I won't be able to hit

in the American league.

I don't think we should

cut the cloth quite so fine.

I gotta hit, I gotta hit,

and that means being part

of the national league.

Yeah, but you're cutting

our options in half.

What do you mean,

"our options?"

What is this?

It means I'll be your agent.

Just for

a nominal fee, you know?

Whatever the industry

standard is.

I don't know that.

I've been just fine on my own without

an agent for all these years.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah. What do you know about

being an agent, anyway?

Where is your career right now?

Professional representation

is where the sport is headed.

So why don't you do

what you do best,

you let me do what I do best.

And what is it exactly

that you do best?

Now you're just

trying to hurt me.

How long have we known each other?

How many years?

I don't know.

Too damn long.

And in that time, we've gone

through a lot of sh*t together.

- A whole lot.

- Yeah.

I got people ask me

all the time,

"what's bill Lee, really like?

"Is he really as big of a flake and a

stoner as they make him out to be?"

You know what

I tell those people?

What do you tell those people?

I tell them the truth.

Which is?

I tell them that bill Lee is one

hell of a fine left-handed pitcher.

And he's also one of the most

thoughtful players I've ever met.

You're incredibly well-read

and you're bright.

And I've known a lot

of great players in my time

but I've never known

another one like you.

But you gotta face it, kid.

Business is not

your strong suit.

So, come on board.

And let's get you

back where you belong.

On a major league mound.

Viva la spaceman!

Here.

Let me buy you a real drink.

No, no, no, no, no. I gotta be in...

I gotta be in early tonight.

Oh, yeah?

Where do you gotta be?

Got the kids this weekend.

Oh, he's got the kids

this weekend.

Come on, don't be a p*ssy.

Just one.

Daddy!

Daddy!

Wake up.

Wake up!

Wake up.

Wake up!

Come on. Wake up!

I got an a on my French test.

Good job there, kiddo.

Show-off.

Are you sad you lost your job?

They saw it on the news.

Oh, hey.

Should we go to

the park for a bit,

give you a chance

to sleep some more?

No, no, no, no.

I'm up.

I'm up!

We are going to

the history museum today

and we're gonna go check

out the spider pavilion.

Why don't you ask your mom

if she wants to come with us.

You wanna come?

You guys have fun.

Kids, if you need

anything at all, call me.

I'll be at grandma's all weekend.

Okay? Okay.

Love you. Love you

too, mom, bye.

Dad, we're hungry.

All right. Food... You

know where the food's at.

Look, it's just temporary.

Your father still has

a lot left in the tank.

And the universe has a way of rewarding

people who are in the right.

We're gonna find a new team.

Can I still root for Montreal?

Players. Just not

the management.

What's gonna be the new team?

I don't know yet, sweetie.

But, we'll find out soon enough.

Ah...

But right now we're gonna

do a little teamwork.

All right, we are

gonna write letters

to every team in the national

league asking for a job.

Should we tell them that your

era was best on the team?

And you were second

in games pitched?

Uh, I think they know

that, sweetheart.

But sometimes people

make mistakes.

They get angry and they lose

control of their emotions.

Have you ever lost control

of your emotions?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we all do.

It's just part of being a

member of the human species.

I thought we were mammals.

We are mammals.

We're both.

Mammals is our class

and primate is our order.

You see, that is why

you go to school.

Hmm.

Hey.

Bonjour. Good morning.

My name is Gino Lapue

and this is Claude.

You boys Mormons?

'Cause I'm in no mood for

prophesizing this morning.

This soul is far beyond saving.

No, we are not Mormons.

We are from

the Longueuil senators.

Politicians? Sh*t, now I

wish you were Mormons.

So sorry to disturb you,

but we come bearing

an opportunity.

Bill, how much would you

like to be pitching again?

Did you guys buy the team?

No, no, we want you

to play for us.

Who's us?

Local church league

softball team?

Um, I manage

the Longueuil senators,

of the Quebec

men's senior league.

Senior league?

Yeah, we play hardball.

Yeah.

Two games a week.

Some very nice players.

Yeah, yeah.

No, Merci Beaucoup.

Uh, I don't play

senior baseball.

And who's Marcel

Marceau over here?

And why doesn't he speak?

This is Claude.

This is our catcher.

While he doesn't speak very

much English, but trust me,

he's great behind the plate. Ah.

Listen, listen.

We've already spoken to the

ministry of sports on your behalf.

And they agreed to reinstate

your amateur status.

Amateur?

Who the hell are you

showing up on my doorstep

and calling me

amateur, Pepe Le pew?

I'm a big leaguer, goddammit.

I've been to battle with

guys like yaz and Fisk.

Twice the men you'll ever be.

And we know this.

This is why we very much want

you to join our pitching staff.

We play only 10 minutes

away from here.

Against who?

The local Kiwanis club?

Some very competitive teams

from nearby cities.

Uh, Verdun. Sorel.

Mascouche.

Mascouche.

Mascouche is nice.

Oh, yeah. Quebec city. Uh...

Trois-rivieres. Yeah. Great

team over in Trois-rivieres.

Great.

Does it pay anything?

Yeah. We may be able to

help with gas money. Maybe.

Yeah, okay, uh, you're

gonna have to speak

with my representatives

on this matter.

We happen to be in

the middle of a very heated

bidding war over

my services at the moment.

Yeah, we understand that.

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