Spare Me Page #5

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SID:

Seems to me like you ain't got much

choice Buzz.

Sid shoves Buzz over to Breeze, Breeze shoves him back.

BREEZE:

You're between Miles Kastle and a hard

place.

BUZZ:

Aaay, hands off the tux!

Sid checks under the stalls, sees Theo's feet and whips open

the door.

SID:

The busyboy!

Sid yanks Theo out.

THEO:

Get your hands off me, you moron.

Theo tries to free himself from Sid's grip. He turns to Buzz.

THEO:

What the f*** is this?

BUZZ:

What's it look like to you?

THEO:

It looks like dwarf bowling.

SID:

Very good, busyboy.

THEO:

(with intensity)

Dwarf bowling's illegal.

SID:

(sarcastically)

What are you gonna do, call the bowling

police?

BREEZE:

Heh, heh, heh.

THEO:

You said it would be unethical to help

me. You call dwarf bowling ethical!

BUZZ:

I do what I gotta do to survive.

THEO:

You have no right to call yourself a

bowler. Buzz slaps Theo in the face.

BUZZ:

I'm more of a bowler than you'll ever be.

I deal with my own sh*t. I ain't asking

anyone to bail me out.

THEO:

I'm your blood.

BUZZ:

You wish!

Theo pushes Buzz up against a stack of boxes full of new

bowling pins. Sid and Breeze hover behind them.

THEO:

You knew she was pregnant.

Buzz reaches inside a box and pulls out a pin. He waves it

threateningly at Theo.

BUZZ:

What makes you so sure it was me? She

coulda had lotsa bowlers! Theo rushes

Buzz and grabs his arm. The two men

struggle for the pin.

THEO:

Don't say that about my mom!

BUZZ:

I had a career. She wanted a little

bowler of her own. Sid and Breeze leap

into the fray, prying the two men apart.

They wrestle Theo against a wall,

pressing his face into the tiles.

THEO:

F*** you and f*** bowling.

BUZZ:

That's a laugh. You're all strung out.

You're a bowling junkie.

THEO:

I don't need the stinking pro-tour.

BUZZ:

You're dead without the pro-tour, and you

know it. Get him away from me. Sid and

Breeze punch Theo in the face.

DISSOLVE TO:

32 DWARF BOWLING ALLEY 32

Theo is dragged through the dwarf alley crowd. He has blood

on his face. Half dazed, he looks up at all the distorted

leering faces that peer down at him. The crowd cat-calls and

laughs at Theo.

33 EXT. BABYLON LANES, PARKING LOT - EVENING33

Theo is thrown onto the asphalt. Sid kicks Theo.

SID:

You shoulda taken our advice, busyboy.

34 EXT. PETER PAN DINER - DAY 34

Theo sits in his parked car outside the Peter Pan diner.

Squinting in the bright light, he examines the cuts on his

face in the sideview mirror. He is looking scruffier. He sees

Sheila come out of the diner, start her scooter, and pull out

into traffic. He follows her.

35 EXT. BRIDGE35

He follows the Vespa at a discreet distance as Sheila drives

over the bridge. The weather is windy and threatening.

Thunder RUMBLES.

36 EXT. MILES 'O' LANES 36

Theo pulls in next to Sheila's scooter under the big neon

sign for Miles 'O' Lanes Bowling Center. With a huge CLAP of

thunder and the SOUND of falling pins, the skies release a

pounding downpour.

37 KEN AND BARBIE, MACRO C.U. 37

Sheila's Vespa is parked in the handicapped space. The dolls

are wired to the headset of the scooter. Large droplets of

rain roll down their faces.

38 INT. MILES 'O' LANES 38

Theo walks into an ultramodern eighty-lane bowling center,

bowling bag in hand.

A huge banner reads 'Mothers and Daughters Bowl Free

Tonight!' The entire place is filled with pairs of moms and

their daughters - bowling away in matching bowling attire. A

three year-old girl stands staring at Theo.

THEO:

Hello.

LITTLE GIRL:

Waaaaaaaaah!

A mom grabs the little girl and whisks her away. Theo surveys

the alley and catches sight of Sheila bowling at the far end

of the alley.

39 LANE, SHEILA & LUNA 39

Sheila bowls with LUNA, a 30-ish black guy dressed in a Miles

'O' Lanes jumpsuit and wearing extensions in his hair. Sheila

prods her friend when she sees Theo.

SHEILA:

Luna, that's the guy. I saw him do this

spooky bowling rain dance on the bridge.

LUNA:

Typical.

Theo walks over. Sheila presents Theo with her ball.

SHEILA:

Here Theo, it's the Fazeli specialty; a

seven-ten split. Theo looks down the lane

and sees the two pins standing.

THEO:

I'm not here to - I can't...

Sheila can't release the ball from Theo's now-paralytic grip.

SHEILA:

(knowing nod)

Bowling block.

40 INT. MILES KASTLE'S OFFICE 40

Kastle, Sid, and Breeze stare at a bank of video monitors,

their faces illuminated by the screens.

BREEZE:

Think he'll bowl it?

KASTLE:

Nah, he won't do it.

SID:

Weird, comes into alleys and doesn't

bowl.

KASTLE:

It's not an "Alley". I hate when people

call it a "Bowling Alley", it's so

common! I prefer "Bowling Center".

BREEZE:

What's this guy here for, anyway?

KASTLE:

Maybe he's here to pay his last respects.

SID:

Someone gonna get kacked, boss?

KASTLE:

If I find out Buzz is comin' up short on

dwarf bowling, it's lights out for him

and pink slips for you. Sid and Breeze

look sideways at each other.

KASTLE:

I hired you rent-a-thugs to keep tabs on

the Faz. I want you all over him like a

tent. Find out how that little weasel's

ripping me off. Buzz Fazeli's gonna blow

the lid off dwarf bowling!

41 LANE, SHEILA & THEO 41

The two of them sit together behind the lanes.

THEO:

I came here to have a word with your dad.

SHEILA:

What do you want with my dad?

THEO:

Business.

SHEILA:

Won't your father help you with that?

THEO:

(shakes his head)

Having a legend for a dad isn't all it's

cracked up to be.

SHEILA:

Your dad's one of the only nice people in

this f***ing town. My Dad is slime.

Kastle walks over. Theo stands up and

shakes Kastle's proffered hand.

KASTLE:

So you're Buzz's boy. I've been expecting

you. You hurt my feelings when you didn't

come and see me sooner.

THEO:

You know who I am?

KASTLE:

Nobody sticks a finger into a bowling

ball in this town without Miles Kastle

knowing about it. You don't mind if I

have a word with Theo, do you bunny?

Kastle takes Theo by the elbow and pulls

him away.

KASTLE:

I heard you've been having a little

trouble with the Congress.

(waves at a mother/daughter

couple)

Theo pulls his eyes off Sheila. Kastle

walks Theo past pairs of bowlers.

THEO:

You might say I'm at the top of their

sh*t list.

KASTLE:

Maybe I can help you.

(calling to a young bowler)

Try a lighter ball, Penelope - you'll get

hurt with that big ball, honey.

(to Theo)

I've seen tapes of you bowling on the

circuit. You got Fazeli blood running

through you. Your pop was a genuine

talent in his day.

THEO:

What's with the bad air between you two,

Mr. Kastle?

KASTLE:

(dismissive gesture)

It's nothing, just a slight business

imbalance.

(to a seated mother)

How's Gloria's thumb?

MOTHER (OC)

The blister's worse than last week.

KASTLE:

No pain, no gain! Keep trying the ice.

Chin up, sweetie.

(turning to Theo)

This place is a bowling oasis.

THEO:

It's very...clean.

They pause and Kastle waves to some bowlers.

MRS. JACKSON (OC)

Hello, Mr.Kastle.

KASTLE:

Hello, Violet. How's my favorite

'bowlerina' doing?

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