Spring Forward Page #5

Sweat lodge?

A sweat lodge. It's like a sauna.

It's like an Indian...

It's like an American Indian hut

where guys go to relax and...

It's like healing.

You need healing from the wound

they give you with the $200.

It's just a place for men...

...to go and relate to other men

and their sons. Sweat.

Feel good.

You don't have to spend $200

to do that kind of thing.

- I know.

- Softball!

You know what? Maybe it's not about the money.

Like you say.

You watch late-night TV?

You know those guys...

They're speakers and they're selling their tapes,

secrets to inner peace.

What do you call that?

- Infomercials.

- Okay.

If they really got the secret to inner peace,

wouldn't they give it free?

Why do you have to pee back there?

Too much soda.

That makes sense if you think about it.

Too much soda.

What are you doing?

Us?

We're playing tennis. What's it look like?

- Right?

- No, you're not.

Yeah, we are, too.

Can I try?

I don't know. What do you think?

- He looks like a tennis player to me.

- Okay. But you know what?

All right.

This is what you do. You paint.

Here to here, there to there. Right there.

Watch it, now.

- What do you think?

- Natural tennis player.

What do you say?

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

What do they find out

on these warrior weekends?

We're all supposed to be warriors?

Yeah.

Just there aren't any more wars to test us.

Plenty of wars.

It's also a place for men to relate to other men.

A place where it's safe for you

to admit your anxieties, your fears.

Maybe figure out why you feel empty at your job.

Why your life has no meaning. All that stuff.

The speakers there...

...they give you the meaning?

I don't know. That's why I wanna go.

There must be something behind it.

Sure there's something.

Your money, that's what's behind it.

I read this really good book last week.

- This one's good!

- Not another book.

This is a good one.

It's all about architectural history.

In the Middle Ages,

all society's biggest buildings were cathedrals.

Then, in a later century...

...all the biggest buildings are political palaces.

Today, what are the biggest buildings?

They're all office buildings, right?

I mean, you know...

That shows how things have changed...

...over time.

There's no room in society anymore

for spirituality.

It's all business now.

Maybe that's why men feel empty at their jobs.

I don't feel empty at my job.

I like my job.

I also like eating meatloaf, but what the heck?

Okay. How come you go to church?

I go to church to...

...see my neighbors, think about my life.

Wish people well. Help out.

That's church, too, you know.

It's not all theology.

"Love thy neighbor." "Thou shalt not kill."

- What's the point of that?

- Doesn't every religion say that?

That's just to hook you in.

But you know what?

People wanna do good. They wanna be good.

The people that run these religions,

what do they do?

They tell you, "This is what you do to be good."

That makes you feel better.

You give them your money!

But it's mostly things

that people would be doing anyway.

How come they don't?

Most do.

Look at these lilies.

I hope they come up next year.

There's nothing that will make you feel emptier...

...in your life...

...than to spend all your time

thinking about money.

But nobody who wants your $200

is gonna tell you that.

What about war?

You think that's people doing good?

That's money, too, isn't it?

They might say it's about something else

to get you to go.

So you don't think man is naturally violent?

"Man"?

Come on. Look around you.

Can my friend try?

You want your friend to try?

Get him to show you how.

You gotta paint the back.

You paint the front, we'll be in big trouble.

There you go.

Go ahead.

- What's your name?

- Bobby.

- Okay. What's her name?

- Kristin.

You step on those lilies,

I'm gonna have to shoot you.

He means that.

You know what my general rule is?

We're all in this together.

Look at Earth from the moon,

you don't see lines by countries or states.

It's all about money.

What do you guys think?

- Pretty good.

- Pretty good?

Okay. You owe me $150.

Bobby, come here.

Go over there...

...and get us four sodas.

What do you say?

"Please." Help him out there, would you?

Make him hurry.

We're sweating to death over here.

It's so hot.

In my little sweat lodge.

This time of the school year,

really great applejacks start showing up.

- I had it once.

- And?

I don't know. It was kind of like sniffing glue.

Except with a really great taste and no crash.

In high school, they hired this guy, O'Rourke,

as a smoking lounge monitor.

He was an older guy, in his 20s.

He was the kind of guy you related to.

I mean, girls would leave notes with him.

A book to give to somebody two periods later.

He was cool, smoked cigarettes,

wore jeans, the whole thing. You trusted him.

Turns out the guy was a narc.

- Canary.

- Right.

- Stool pigeon?

- Yeah.

All of a sudden, kids started getting busted.

Vice-principal would find pot

in some kid's locker.

Cops would bust up parties

in the middle of the woods at night.

No one could figure it out.

Then one day,

this girl who lives near the school...

...tells O'Rourke she's going home for study hall,

which is illegal.

Twenty minutes later, vice-principal shows up,

busts her screwing her boyfriend.

How old is she?

I don't know. 16 or something.

Anyway, they take the girl to the office

to call her parents.

The boyfriend...

...sees O'Rourke in the vice-principal's office...

...and he's going:

"I know it wasn't drugs,

but this girl's not even 16."

That's how we knew.

That was his proof O'Rourke knocked.

He follows him out into the smoking lounge.

And he confronts him.

O'Rourke knows he's caught,

so the boyfriend knocks him right on his ass.

- Boyfriend, he's a student?

- No. He's an older guy.

So then these gearheads,

who always talk to O'Rourke...

...come over to stick up for him.

The boyfriend says, "Wait! This guy's a narc."

The gearheads are like, "No way!"

A couple of them believe him.

They know him from his car.

He's got this hot '73 Duster.

Finally, O'Rourke admits it.

And he says:

"I understand kids. Right? You know?

"I just narc on them for their own good."

Like learning your best friend was a Nazi.

Deceived.

But it was like someone who...

- Betrayed.

- Totally!

There you are in high school.

You're young, of course you wanna...

...hang out with girls, talk.

Smoke a little weed. It's harmless, though.

We were still learning.

What does something like that teach you?

"Don't trust someone you think is one of you.

He might be one of them.

"Return to doing everything secretly."

We learned that.

So what happened to O'Rourke?

The gearheads beat the sh*t out of him.

I guess he learned something, too.

It's always a surprise when you're betrayed.

Like when Don Regan comes and tells me...

- You mean Regan from next door?

- Yeah.

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