Spy Hard Page #5

Say that you love me

Say that you need me

Say that you want me

- You want to please me

- Come on now

Come on now

Come on now

I still remember when

I used to be nine years old

- Hey, yeah and I was a fool for you

- All right, random inspection.

- From the bottom of my soul

- Directive 21, Psalm 2.

Yeah, yeah

I want you to know

- I said I want you

to know right now Ew!

You been good to me sisters

Much better than I've been to myself

So good, so good

And if you ever leave me

I don't want nobody else

Hey, hey

I said I want you to know

I said I want you

to know right now

- Veronique?

- Dick.

- You all right?

- Get out of here. This is a front for Rancor.

- Yes, I know.

I'll-- I'll get out of here, all right.

But you're coming with me.

Stat! Code Yellow!

Code Yellow!

- Get me three CCs of epinephrinox!

- Right away.

- Get me two liters of gasohol mixed with neonephicine!

- On my way.

- Get the electrostatifyer, now!

- I'll warm up the generator, sister.

She's about to go

into fibrolcanination!

- Prepare the operating room!

Yes, sister. I'll get right on it.

For God's sake, can anyone

in this hospital help me?

- Say it right now, baby

- Come on, come on.

- Say that you will.

- Now wait a minute

Oh. Mm-mm. No.

You know you make me

want to shout

High blood pressure.

Here. You'll be safe here.

I'll be right back.

- Okay, the coast is clear.

Oh, Dick, it's so cold.

What have they done to you?

They'll pay for this.

Oh, Dick...

Move 'em, fat heads!

Sisters, make 'em holy!

Oh, Dick, you came for me.

Tell me, what's been happening?

Well, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching,

getting in touch with my inner child.

I have decided I love you.

But what about my father?

Well, I like him.

I just have to get to know him better.

No, is he okay?

Have you got his chip?

Oh, no, he's fine,

and I've got the chip.

- Oh, I love you too.

- Look out, you crazy nun!

Thanks, guys, I stopped you.

You could have been killed!

Quick, let me help.

You smell nice.

Where is my father?

Is he safe?

He's safe, Veronique.

Safe as you and me.

So cute.

- Oh! Oh!

- Safer.

In my country, when an irate,

armless, psychotic weirdo...

chase your woman,

you must hide her.

Upstairs.

Apartment 5B.

I'll wait downstairs.

I'll keep my eyes open.

I just put in new carpet.

Take your shoes off.

Oh, Dick... it is so nice to know...

that everything

is going to be all right.

You have the chip.

My father is safe.

You love me, Dick.

Love?

Let me tell you

about love, Veronique.

Love is a dew drop

on a rose petal.

- Love is a drop of rain,

pure and shimmering

and trembling.

So moist, so wet.

- And those tiny little drops of love,

they come together,

gathering up broken buds

and fallen flowers...

and dirt and dung...

- and deer droppings,

flowing faster and faster,

outward to the sea.

- Onward and onward -

Good night.

We'll talk more

in the morning.

- Hey, hotshots.

- Come and get me. - Why, you

little, no- good juvenile delinquent!

- Go on! Get him!

- Come on!

- Cool. Heads up!

- Nice shot. I'm going.

- Go on! Go on!

- We got you now!

Where's the professor?

With Gilligan, dickweed.

- No!

- This is for Getting Even With Dad!

- And this is for My Girl.

- And this is for My Girl 2.

I wasn't even in My Girl 2.

- We don't care!

- We don't care!

Last time I'm gonna ask you,

smart boy.

- Where's the professor?

- Okay, okay, down the hall to the right.

Okay, the left!

Help! Somebody help me!

They're taking us to Kikiree lsland!

- They've taken him to Rancor!

- They won't kill him... not until he's installed the chip.

- Wha-- - Probably not even then.

Maybe just torture him a little.

- We'll talk about this on the way.

Let's get to Kikiree.

You like this disguise?

It's very good.

I'm proud of this one.

Like this,

I can look like anybody.

- Rancor Industries

owns this little island.

- Rancor Industries

owns this little island.

The natives say there are stranger goings-on

here than at Neverland Valley Ranch.

- Look.

- Uh-huh. It's nice.

- Kabul, stay in the boat.

- Why?

There's a saying

in my country:

"When you hear the words, 'Stay in

the boat', you stay in the boat."

- Bye-bye.

Dick, this is crazy.

Crazy? Some people think walking down

the street muttering to yourself is crazy.

I'll tell you

what crazy is.

Crazy is walking down the street

with half a cantaloupe on your head,

saying, "I'm a hamster.'"

"I'm a hamster.'"

That's crazy.

- Ooh.

My life's work

is now complete.

Your cooperation

is commendable, Professor.

Thank you.

Throw him in the cell.

- But you said it was

for the world peace! Yeah, yeah.

Hello, General. It's Skippy.

They're on the island.

Yeah.

Well, well, well,

what perfect timing.

- It seems we're gonna have more guests.

- Steele's not dead.

He's on his way here.

- Throw her in with the others!

- No! Please! Please!

- I thought you loved me!

- Naw, I was just usin' you.

[ Countdown Voice ]

Seven hours, 59 minutes and 41 seconds.

Seven hours, 59 minutes

and 38 seconds.

Seven hours, 59 minutes

and 30--

Dick, look out!

- Got you now, Steele.

Hey, where you goin'?

Take that!

Hey, come back here!

Nowhere to go, Steele.

How fast can you run, my friend?

- My God!

All right, men, tie him up.

- Okay, go ahead, kill me.

I got a bomb. You touch me,

and you'll blow up yourself.

You don't really think I'm gonna fall for

that old tied- to-the-bomb trick, do ya?

- Well, how about the old snake trick?

- Ahh!

- What is it?

- Shh.

Let's go.

Two hours, 59 minutes

and 26 seconds to launch.

Two hours, 59 minutes

and 21 seconds to launch.

Two hours, 59 minutes

and 19 seconds to launch.

We've got to find a way

into Rancor's complex.

- Are you ready?

- Ready.

Here, help me with this.

- How patriotic, Dick.

- And deadly.

Ooh, Dick.

Bearing 177.5.

On my mark.

Hi, Mark.

Get set.

- Father!

- My child.

Well, well.

Dick Steele.

I'd shake your hand,

but I don't remember where it landed.

- Clever! Clever? Clever.

Take their weapons.

- Mm-hmm.

Throw her in with the others.

Bind him.

- Oh, Papa.

- Dick Steele?

- Oh, Ms. Dahl.

- Barbara Dahl.

- Get your paws off me,

- Huh.

- you damn dirty apes!

- No!

- You remember Barbara Dahl.

Victoria's daughter?

I'd like to see you watch her go up

like you watched her mother go down.

But I'd rather let you just be

a dessert for my little pet.

What's left of you will have

to watch helplessly...

while I play Mortal Kombat

with the entire world!

Huh?

It's gonna blow! Hurry up!

Come on!

You are very immature.

Bullies tend to have

very bad self- esteem.

Aha!

Oh-ho!

Leave me alone!

I'm an unarmed man!

- Oh, Miss Cheevus.

- Dick, I'm sorry.

- One minute and 22 seconds.

One minute and 21 seconds.

- One minute and 20 seconds.

- You were under the influence of an evil man.

- One minute and 19 seconds.

- It was still a lousy thing to do.

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