Staten Island Summer Page #5

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Don't f***ing take the syrah.

We didn't say you

could take the syrah.

F***ing genius over here.

God forbid.

You're okay.

It's just a bigger baby pool

with bigger babies.

Oh, sh*t.

Just keep it together, Frank.

With great power comes...

Hey, Frank.

Hey. You're on big

pool now, I see.

You know, I've actually been

on the big pool for a while.

You haven't seen me?

That's crazy.

My nickname's "Big Pool".

Yeah. Um, hey. So, can

I ask you a question?

Do you know where we could

get some pot for Saturday?

Pot. I got pot.

I can get you pot. Yeah.

So you have someone? Yeah.

I totally have someone

and you're gonna get your pot.

Awesome. Thank you

so much, Frank.

Ah, you're so welcome.

Thank you

for that sweet, sweet ass.

Damn.

Where the f*** am

I gonna find pot?

Psst.

Mr. Stewart?

Psst. I'm naked.

Help me out, man. I'm trapped.

Come on, man, I'm naked in here.

Help me out.

Give me your pants.

Come on, my man. My man.

Come on. I demand my dignity.

I'm a human being.

God... God damn it.

Whoo-hoo! That was fun.

Yeah, Skootch.

Hello?

The turd is off the toilet.

I repeat, the turd

is off the toilet.

We'll need more time.

Got it.

No, no, no, no.

Wait. No, no. God.

It's dissolving. No.

God.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Man, I love this car.

I got it for the bench seats.

Perfect for blowj*bs. Just...

Are you done?

Blowjibby. Blowjibby.

I'm sorry. We got to go. Yeah.

Hello there, beautiful.

Get the hell out of here.

Come on. I just want some

free chicken fingers.

Why you got to be

so cheap, Dolores?

Cheap? I'm cheap?

I'll give you

something for free.

Screw you and screw all your

jerkoff lifeguard friends.

I'd rather take all my food and

put it in the trash and burn it,

rather than give it

to you pricks. Okay?

All right.

You know what, that's fine.

That's fine.

Because you just lost

this stud's business.

Congratulations.

Business implies you have money,

you delusional piece of sh*t.

F***.

Hmm.

Damn.

Bounce it.

Bounce it. Bounce it.

Bounce that butt.

Oh, my God.

Hey, hey, hey. He's drowning.

The kid is drowning.

Oh. Okay. Oh, sh*t.

He's out there.

Okay. I'm coming.

Okay, okay, I got this.

Go in! Okay.

Get in there!

Who cares about the whistle?

Go. Go to him.

Save in progress!

Oh, he's gonna die.

Frank.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Come here, buddy.

- He's gonna die.

That precious child, get him.

Oh, God.

Save!

Save in progress!

Come here, baby.

That's a save! It's a save!

Save in progress!

My sweet choking boy. Come on.

Oh, God, you're gorgeous. Get out

of the water. You're so beautiful.

Your lungs work?

You're all right?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That's a kid boner.

No, no, no.

It's not a kid boner.

I know a kid boner when I

see a kid boner, you freak.

Creep.

What is going on here?

What the hell is going on here?

He's got a boner. A what?

I have a boner, that's true.

But it's about Rachel.

Frank, that's disgusting.

And you!

I'm the manager.

Put some clothes on.

What's wrong with you, perv?

Frank, I literally left you alone

in the big pool for 10 minutes.

How'd you f*** that up?

Rachel saw the whole thing.

It's over.

No, come on, man.

It's not over.

Hey, you know what?

There's always someone

else out there, you know.

Like, what about this guy?

F*** off.

Relax, man. You didn't

blow it with Rachel. Okay?

You just have to do

something to impress her.

Just win her back.

She asked me to buy her weed.

Just find an ice cream truck. I

mean, all those guys sell weed.

Literally, they all sell weed.

Yeah, they all sell weed.

You think they make

enough money to live

off of Choco Tacos

and Ninja Turtle pops?

All right, guys.

Regardless of Frank

ruining a kid's life,

I got the keys.

Yeah, and Danny,

we got them booze.

Yeah, and everyone I know,

man, woman, child,

homeless man in ski goggles,

they're all coming to the party.

Now, we can do this the easy way

or we can do this the hard way.

I saw a little hand reach under my stall.

It was a child's hand.

I don't think it was his.

Who do we got here? Which

one of you is Brian Barr?

Hi, Brian Barr.

Huh? Oh!

Okay, let me

follow the little fingy

straight to Wendell.

What the hell, you rat.

Why, you son of

a Wendell's mother.

Why'd you do it, huh?

I'm not telling.

He was just trying to

help the lifeguards.

They're having

a party on Saturday.

You guys are the worst.

Party on Saturday, huh?

Interesting.

Operator, get me the President.

Of the Department of Health.

For Staten Island.

The Departamente

de Health.

Isle de Staten.

Can I help you? Oh, my God.

Get.

Where is he?

Where?

Danny Campbell.

Mrs. Manicucci.

Please. Bianca.

Ah.

Look at you. My God.

You kids are growing up

so fast today.

You have to stay for dinner.

Oh, I would, but...

You're staying.

You're a smart man, Chuck.

Chuck, one. Lifeguards, lose.

That was

awkward.

So,

what was so important

that you came to my house?

Oh, uh...

Well, there was just this...

There's this staff party

that we're having.

It's gonna be this big,

huge party and

I thought that,

since I'm leaving, maybe

it would be fun if you wanted to,

I don't know, go to the party.

Uh...

Danny, that's really sweet.

And please don't

take this the wrong way,

because it has nothing to do with you.

It's just...

I just still see you as that

kid that I used to babysit.

Oh! Yeah. No, I...

Look, I know. I totally get that.

I was just...

It was just a random thought.

Honestly, I was biking past anyways.

Yeah.

Oh, hey. I'm sorry

about my dad, by the way.

He's just a little

intense sometimes.

I'm sure he's harmless.

Good night.

Yeah.

Have fun at the party.

Yeah, I will.

So I'm harmless to you?

Get out of here.

I don't want you hanging out

with my daughter.

I'm not, I promise.

I was just inviting her to a party.

But she doesn't want to go.

A party? What kind of a party?

A sex party?

No. No, no, no,

I don't do sex parties.

You lying piece of sh*t.

I saw you in the deli today,

buying condoms. Six boxes.

I'm not trying to have sex with anyone.

All right?

I've never even had sex.

I've had, like,

three handjobs,

two to completion.

I will never hang out with your

daughter again, I swear on my life.

If I ever catch you

with my daughter again,

they're gonna find little

pieces of Danny Campbell

sprinkled up and down

the Verrazano Bridge.

You got that?

Now get the f***

off my property.

Now.

Piece of sh*t.

Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

Frank called, looking for you.

Said you were stopping by

Krystal Manicucci's house.

Mom, who is this? Hmm.

This? This is just

a patient of mine

who used to be able to walk.

Until he got a motorcycle and

he wiped out on the freeway.

What's up, guy? How's it going?

Griffith.

Oh, yeah, but...

Yeah. Yeah, listen to your mom.

Motorcycles are...

They're f***ed up. Okay?

I mean, you know, messed up.

Right?

They're bad news, hombre.

Huh? Okay?

It's like, talk to the chair

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