Steamboat Round the Bend Page #4

David Begat Solomon, but...

-David Begat what?

-David Begat Solomon.

But I changed it to George Lincoln

Washington.

Well, now, listen. lf you're goin'

with me, we're gonna...

stick to the Bible.

-You're Jonah.

-Yes, sir. But I can't swim.

Where do you want this

virgin queen?

Put her there by her husband.

What do I know about a king and

queen anyhow?

All I ever did do is sell medicine

up and down this river here.

But Ill tell you, if we get right

down to earth...

and we can change these people

around into people these...

folks on the river wanna see...

we can make a lot of money.

Now, for instance, who-who's

your favorite female?

-Pocahontas.

-Pocahontas. That's great.

Now, we'll just make Pocahontas

out of her, see?

Get some feathers and some

paint and all.

Who was the feller she was with?

What was his name?

-Captain John Smith.

-Captain John-Here-

Here's Captain John Smith

right here.

Over here, we'll take this fella.

The gentleman here is...

'King George'-One, two, three.

King George III.

I never heard of him. We'll make

that gentleman...

into George Washington.

That's who it is. And this

one over here...

we'll take him...

Hey, hey.

Hey, that's Napoleon.

Better leave him alone.

Uh-Now, here. Here's these two

New Moseses here.

I think they're old prophets

of some kind.

But there ain't nobody interested

in prophets nowadays.

I tell you, we'll make outlaws

out of them.

-Frank and Jesse James.

-That's great. That's-

Everybody wants to see the

James boys.

Pop, I just now done told you,

Topsy goes back...

there with Uncle Tom.

You know good and well she

don't goes with Napoleon.

Here's Mr. Ulysses S. Grant,

Mr. Doctor.

Grant? Oh, say. I just happened

to think.

Say, we got to go right

by Vicksburg.

And they ain't never forgot

down there.

No wonder old Professor

Marvel skipped town.

You know, I knew a fellow that

got run out of...

Vicksburg for just lookin'

like him.

I tell you, if you all don't

want him...

this uniform just about fits me.

You'll have to change him to

somebody else.

Say, Im gonna change him.

You know what Ill do?

Take that old cigar out of

his mouth...

and we'll make him Robert E. Lee.

I been waitin' here kind of hop in'

you'd come.

Gets mighty lonesome sometimes.

I had to come.

We're leaving tomorrow.

Ain't no thin' nicer than...

go in' up and down the river.

Dr. John's got the appeal lawyer.

He's gonna send you the money

fast as we take it in.

I sure would like to be in them

river towns and see your show.

Oh, it's mighty beautiful.

Fella in here used to work in a

tattoo parlor in...

Perryville, and-

Well, I kind of been get tin' some

tattoo in' done myself.

I wished I could see it.

Well-

See what it says under the heart?

Its my name.

Ive been learn in' to play

the saw too.

I wish I could hear it.

I only know one tune, and...

I don't know that very good.

There's some thin' I gotta tell

you, Fleety Belle.

You know that girl that waits on

table across the street?

Well, l-I waved at her once.

Ill bet she waved at you first.

Ive gotta go.

Fleety Belle, you ain't...

ain't never kissed me yet.

Put it over a little bit. Put

it over a little.

A little more there. Now just

hold it steady.

You don't want me to run into that

sandbar, do you, Captain John?

Hmm? What-Hey, hey! Look out there!

Say, wait a minute there.

Hey, you got to make up your mind

who you're gonna...

take orders from-

me or you.

Now, hold her right there now.

Right there.

You think Im learnin'?

Say, you takin' to the river just

like an old turtle.

lf you listen to me, you'll be the

best pilot on the whole river...

outside of Duke and me.

I sure would like to get back

and see Duke.

You ain't, uh, getting tired of

my company already.

Why, you know that ain't so.

I ain't never had a dream like this.

I ain't never knowed nobody

like you.

Why, you bought me dresses

and pretty things...

like I ain't never see'd before.

Sometimes, when we're goin'

down the river at night...

I get to thinkin' about Duke...

and what you done for him and me.

Seems like I can hardly stand it.

I feel like the Lord's just shamin'

me for having hated you so.

Yeah.

Don't have to... worry about...

The Lord's a lot broad-minded than

you think he is anyhow.

Put her over a little bit. Look out

for this bend.

That's it. Hold it steady.

Steamboat round the bend!

Hey, that's the river talk! Steamboat

round the bend.

Steamboat round the bend!

Here she comes.

Hey, you know what that is? That's

the Pride of Paducah.

Its old Captain Eli.

Want to just give that old snap pin'

turtle a toot here...

-to show him my boat can toot

louder than his.

Hey, Doc!

Don't forget Im gonna own that

old mud scow...

when I win this race!

Yeah, the only time you ever gon'

pass me is when...

you go in' the other way.

Say, what are you on that museum...

the mummy?

And, say, you better stay away

from Salt Creek.

They lynched one of them hootchy

kootchy shows there last week.

Where was you sittin', on

the front row?

I sure was!

Cramp 'er, Mink! Cramp 'er!

You know, Captain John...

maybe he's right about Salt Creek.

Oh, that old bullfrog don't know

what he's talking about.

Salt Creek's the last town we gonna

show anything.

Then we going home.

See Duke.

Oh! Now, look, say, don't do that.

There ain't no thin' run you on the

sandbar quicker...

than a lot of hug gin' and kiss in'.

I didn't mean to.

You didn't mean to? Well, that's

a fine thing to say.

lf you didn't mean to, maybe Id

better give it back.

Too much foolishness go in'

on around here.

Change your clothes quick now.

Put on a fancy dress.

Gonna show those folks in

Salt Creek some...

fancy pilot in' now.

Give 'em a little toot.

Oh, say, there's a lot of folks

com in' tonight!

It looks like the biggest night

we've had in a long time.

Come on.

Got some change? Get up

in there now.

Come on, Jonah. Get that started.

Well, well, well, now. Well,

welcome, brother.

Welcome to Dr. John's Floating

Museum.

The show is just about to start, so

get your tickets right here.

There ain't gonna be no show.

No? Just, uh-Just where did you,

uh, get that...

information, brother?

'Cause we're gonna chop up your

boat, mister.

-Yeah, and burn it up too!

-We'll give you a trail to travel!

And a bucket of tar for that gal!

Come on. Let's pull this museum

out of here!

Mr. Efe! Mr. Efe! They're tear in'

the boat down,...

them gentlemen!

Mr. Doc and Miss Fleety and them

standing round...

there, lookin' round!

I never been so scared in

all my life!

They got pickaxes and they

got ax handles...

-Stand back there!

-Hold up your hands!

-Look out, pappy! He's got a gun!

-I see him.

-Im gon'shoot!

-Wait a minute, boys!

Don't shoot. Just hold that till I tell

you. They've got the...

wrong impression.

-This ain't no show.

-How come she ain't a show?

You got a 'calli-oop.'

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