Step Brothers Page #10

...when I was a little boy,

I always wanted to be a dinosaur.

I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex

more than anything.

I made my arms short

and I roamed the backyard...

...and I chased the neighborhood cats,

and I growled and I roared.

Everybody knew me

and was afraid of me.

And then one day, my dad said:

"Bobby, you're 17. It's time

to throw childish things aside."

And I said, "Okay, Pop."

But he didn't really say that, he said,

"Stop being a dinosaur and get a job."

But, you know, I thought to myself,

"I'll go to medical school...

...l'll practice for a little while,

and then I'll come back to it."

- Dad...

- How is that a skill?

But I forgot how to do it.

You're human.

- You could never be a dinosaur.

- Yeah.

Hey, I lost it.

- Dad, what's the point?

- Yeah.

The point is

don't lose your dinosaur.

Yeah. You know, I hated

the way you guys were before.

I mean, I hated you.

But it just kills me to see you

so crushed and normal.

Listen to me, don't listen to me...

...Prestige Worldwide,

that's what you gotta do.

- You're saying we should go for it.

- That's what I'm saying.

What do you think, Brennan?

I'm so scared right now.

I'm gonna do what's sensible:

I'm gonna file for unemployment...

...and I'm gonna try to get a job

at Enterprise Rent-A-Car.

Because they got

a excellent corporate structure...

...and they give you the tools

to be your own boss.

My dad's right.

This isn't me.

I'm f***ing miserable.

I had to get up at 10:00 this morning.

And even though

I just got a tidal wave of nerves...

...l'm going up on that stage...

...and I'm gonna make beautiful music

for a sad world.

- Dale...

- That's the boy I know.

This crowd's gonna eat him alive.

Wait, what's he doing up there?

Somebody get him

off the f***ing stage!

Hi. How you doing?

My name's Dale Doback,

and I hope you like to kick it.

Oh, go get them, Dale!

Boats and ho's

Get off the stage, you dick!

Stop yelling at him.

- Terrible!

- Terrible.

He's a human being.

Dale has a mangina

Dale has a mangina

No.

Gotta have me my boats and ho's

He's up there alone, Brennan.

He's up there alone.

Gotta have me my boats and ho's

- You suck!

- What are you doing, Brennan?

Gotta have me my...

Brennan, no!

- What did you do?

- Oh, Jesus, Nancy.

I couldn't stand to see him like that.

I miss my son.

All right. Let me go for a few bars.

Come in soft, but then finish strong.

- Okay. Hey, Brennan?

- Yeah.

- Thanks for coming up.

- You got it, Dragon.

We got a little change coming up.

It's my main man Brennan.

Boats and ho's

Boats and ho's

- You did it, Derek.

- I made a kite fly.

Brennan, you're the best

big brother ever!

- floor mats. The ones that match

the seats, and I kind of wanted...

I traveled 500 miles

to give you my seed.

Lumberjack!

Rock the f***

out of those drums, Dale!

I'm sorry.

- We're Prestige Worldwide!

- Prestige Worldwide!

- F***ing Catalina Wine Mixer.

- It's the f***ing Catalina Wine Mixer.

It's the f***ing Catalina Wine Mixer.

Brennan, that was sublime.

Amazing.

We are so proud of you both.

- Thank you.

- Incredible.

- Thank you so much.

- Hey.

So I made my quota.

Yeah, we sold a sh*t-ton of copters.

- That's so good.

- Yeah.

Look, I'm not great at

this Hallmark stuff...

...but, Brennan,

when I look at you now...

...I don't wanna kick you

in the head quite as much.

Thanks, man.

- That was beautiful.

- That was nice.

Yeah.

- What do we do now?

- We could hug.

Yeah, you'd like that, f*ggot.

Sorry. I'm...

Okay.

- It's okay.

- Okay.

- That's what we've been looking for.

- That's the ticket.

It's fantastic.

We've never done anything like that,

so you can't expect it to be perfect.

It was good.

- Felt good.

- Gotten close to a hug.

- Hello, Brennan. Hi.

- Denise. Hey.

Robert, Mom, Derek,

this is my girlfriend, Denise.

- Hi. How are you?

- Actually, I'm his therapist.

- We are in absolutely no way dating.

- Right.

Brennan told me he was going to

hurl his body off a helicopter...

...into shark-infested waters...

...so I had a legal obligation

to be here.

I get it.

Don't wanna appear too eager,

and that is a good strategy too.

You are an enabler.

You think you're helping...

...but you're not.

- And you are a keeper.

What'd you think?

Brennan, I thought

you were incredibly brave.

And I mean that...

...in strictly the most clinical

and professional sense possible...

...with no emotional,

intimate, sexual...

...or any other undertones

that you could possibly infer.

God, you're gonna make me cry.

What poem is that from?

Is that James Joyce?

Alice...

...I like making sex with you.

- Yeah.

I do. But you're also married.

It's over.

This is crazy. I'm a mother.

I have two children,

I have a husband, a beautiful home.

- I can't be f***ing around with you.

- It was fun. It was fun, right?

- It was fun while it lasted.

- I'm glad. All right, well, good luck.

- No.

- Oh, my God, Dale!

- Please don't leave me.

- Oh, my God. Look at that whale.

Where?

Dale!

So I was with Seal...

...and we were just taking a chopper

up to Everest base camp...

...and the plot to my Sherpa...

- Derek. Derek.

- Sorry. Okay.

- Remember, we talked about this.

Dale, Brennan.

Tell me about the karaoke business.

Really great, Dad.

Yeah. We call it Karaoke 'n' Roll.

We got six bars, three restaurants,

and two more wanna sign up.

- So it's booming.

- Fantastic.

Most karaoke it's,

"Open to everyone.

- Hey, just get up and have fun."

- Not you guys.

If you can't sing, just sit down.

That's our motto.

- It's the big leagues.

- You guys are doing so great.

Guys, I have a little Christmas

surprise for Dale and Brennan.

- You wanna see it?

- Yes!

- You bet!

- Let's go look at it! Come on.

- Don't peek.

- I smell cookies.

Be patient. No, no. No, no.

- Just a piata, isn't it?

- Be patient. Be patient.

- Be patient.

- Did you get me a tiger, Dad?

Okay, open your eyes.

Merry Christmas.

Holy sh*t!

Dad, I can't believe

you put the boat in the tree!

This is amazing!

- It's The Gilded Lady. She lives!

- I can't believe it.

- How'd you get it up here?

- Oh, Robert, it's so great.

- Pirate hats!

- Pirate hats!

- Hustlers!

- Hustlers!

Dad, that was so thoughtful!

- Crossbows!

- Crossbows!

You guys finally came to your senses

and got us something cool.

You both know this is

completely f***ed up, right?

- Yeah.

- Of course.

But Brennan sure can wear the sh*t

out of that pirate hat.

- Chewbacca masks!

- Chewbacca masks!

It's okay that mine's

not movie-quality.

But he's like, "No, because you drove

my car last week, so I can't get it."

So I'm like "You're gonna buy it for me

or I'm gonna sock you in the mouth."

Oh, sh*t.

Well, if it isn't Dale Doback

and his little butt buddy.

Sticks and stones

may break my bones...

...but I'm gonna kick you repeatedly

in the balls, Gardocki!

Let's get them!

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