Step Brothers Page #6

We are living the dream.

Well, what about us?

I'm sorry. Robert... We thought that...

...you should take responsibility

for your own lives.

This is the exciting part:

We're going to put enough

money in your accounts...

...for a security deposit

on an apartment.

What's this all about?

More than just money, we're gonna get

you another kind of support as well.

You're both gonna see therapists.

Nancy thinks it'll help.

- Guys, that's nonnegotiable.

- Hold on. We're not going on the boat...

...Derek's selling the house,

we have to go to therapy?

- What the f*** happened?

- Hey!

Look, I know this seems

really, really sudden...

...and just sort of unfair

and cruel and...

- But it's nonnegotiable.

- But it's nonnegotiable.

I got a bellyful

of white dog crap in me...

...and now you lay this sh*t on me?

You're adults. It's time

you started acting like adults.

- Mom.

- I'm not backing down, Brennan.

Don't even try.

I know it seems hard,

but it's the best thing for both of you.

We do it because we love you.

Dad, I'm doing this because

I love you:
f*** you.

- Anything else?

- No.

Bon voyage! Have a great time!

Hey, what's up, Derek?

Yeah.

- Know what?

- Look what I got.

I'm sitting here thinking we finally got

a family together here...

...and now it's about to be taken away

because they think we're losers.

- Because they don't understand us?

- Yeah.

They don't get that this lifestyle

is a choice.

And all they think about

is that stupid boat.

I swear, I'm so pissed off

at my mom.

As soon as she is of age,

I'm putting her in a home.

We have got to get

Prestige Worldwide going.

It's the thing that's

gonna save this family.

I was thinking we should

have a investor presentation...

...like on The Apprentice.

We gotta start

with some capital somewhere.

Here's the thing, though:

If we're gonna start

a huge multinational corporation...

...I have to hear you sing.

Can't you just trust that

I'm a really, really good singer?

Just one song, so I know

what your voice sounds like.

Yeah, yeah. I'll just do it.

No big deal. I'll just dive into it

and just start singing.

Jesus, my heart is beating

so fast right now.

Okay, just do it. Just do it.

Just...

You know, I don't know.

I didn't sing too loud, because I don't

wanna wake up Robert and Nancy.

My throat's sore. I've had

a sore throat for a month and a half.

And this is not an acoustic

environment that's suitable...

...to request this from me.

You gotta know,

I'm not just some guy.

Brennan, that is

the voice of an angel.

Brennan, I can't even make

eye contact with you right now.

Your voice is like a combination

of Fergie and Jesus.

Why can't you do that

in front of people?

Are you messing with me right now?

It's me, Dale.

You're good.

- I know.

- This is gonna sound weird...

...but for a second, I think

you took on the shape of a unicorn.

I felt like I was hovering

above my own body...

...watching myself sing.

Now, let's move on

to other business.

First thing tomorrow, we gotta get

cracking on this investor presentation.

And guess what else.

This just came to me.

- We're making a music video.

- Yeah!

What do we do about Derek

and the house?

Don't worry about him.

Oh, it's a great "nabe."

Frank Gifford

used to live down the block.

- The Giff?

- Yeah, the Giff. Right down the block.

I'm getting

a really good feeling about this.

I am so glad.

You get us that 10-year

interest-only loan, we got a deal.

Hey, f***ers!

Welcome to the neighborhood!

- My name is Craig.

- The neighbor is a Nazi?

You guys ever need fertilizer,

I've got a lot of it. Close to 80 tons.

Hey, folks! How you doing?

You're gonna love this neighborhood.

Every single house here recycles.

- Okay, we're done here.

- Yeah, okay.

Hey, Derek, sprechen sie dick.

Dale, I don't know how much

you know about therapy...

...but it usually starts by you

telling me something about yourself.

I work at a college as a janitor...

...even though I'm smarter

than most of the people there.

Sometimes I see an equation

written on a blackboard...

...like half an equation,

and I'll just figure it out.

- Is this Good Will Hunting?

- No.

It sounds a lot like the plot

of Good Will Hunting.

Yeah. Anyway.

My best friend is Ben Affleck...

So I thought we'd begin

talking about your parents' divorce.

Okay.

How old were you

when they got divorced?

- Fifteen.

- That's a hard age.

- Yes. Yeah.

- Do you wanna talk...

...about some of those feelings?

- I love you.

- Obviously, you don't know me.

- I love you so much.

Thank you. And I will take that

as a feeling that you have...

...of comfortability with me.

It's more than comfortability.

- I mean, I f***ing love you.

- Okay. I th...

I'm just thinking

about our life together.

I feel like I'm walking on a cloud.

My penis is tingling right now.

- That is so off-putting.

- You're not feeling this?

In no way, shape or form do I feel

any feelings of intimacy towards you...

...in any way whatsoever.

You got a really dope

front lawn here.

You and your homeboys

can play on that.

- You can just say "It looks good."

- Yeah.

No, that's how I talk.

Oh, you got a really fresh

entryway here. Pretty awesome.

- show you the front of the house,

which is actual...

Will you vultures please give us some

privacy? He just died last night.

What is going on here?

It was the asbestos in here,

that's what did it!

I've seen too many dead bodies.

- I can't be in here. I can't.

- No, no, no.

- Not bad.

- Eat sh*t, Derek.

- Awesome B-day party, broheisens.

- You the man, Derek.

Okay, who's this from? TJ?

Where are

the rest of my gifts, dude?

Totally joking around, TJ.

All right.

Oh, yes! Yes! Callaway 3-wood.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Yeah.

- Bomb it down the fairway, b*tches!

- That's right.

Hi, my name is Jim.

Wanna suck my dick for money?

- It's just me. Hi.

- Oh, my God.

What are you doing?

This is the men's bathroom.

Happy anniversary.

- It's our second date.

- What?

Listen, I'm sick of being

all coy and bashful, Dale. Okay?

- We're in the bathroom.

- This'll just take a minute.

There's really little you can

do about it. Let me just hop on.

It's all slippery.

Oh, my God!

It's getting tingly.

Something's gonna happen, Alice!

Oh, we just had sex.

- Just the way I imagined it.

- I like you.

I love you.

- Stay golden, Ponyboy. I gotta pee.

- Okay.

Oh, my God.

You're incredible.

Say hello to my little friend.

- Just kidding. It's from Scarface.

- Scarface.

Shut the f*** up!

- Sweet-ass gift, Teej.

- Yeah, not bad.

- I got it all mapped out.

- Okay.

- I'm following your lead, though.

- I'll get all eyes on us.

- Okay.

- Just like we planned.

And then we'll drop the hammer.

What were Dale and Brennan doing

with my video camera, do you know?

I have no idea. And frankly,

I really don't care. So...

I would like to say a few things.

Derek, you are an outstanding

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