Step Brothers Page #7

young man, son.

And I would like say that

this is the image I have:

That sometimes when I'm making love

to your mother and I realize that...

...this is where you came from,

that I'm so moved...

...that I talked to my lawyer,

and not only are you going to be...

...in my heart forever, but you're

going to be in my will, young man.

- Okay. Okay.

- Okay?

- Robert, that was f***ing awesome.

- Thank you.

You got a lot of this, buddy.

And you got a lot of these.

Thank you.

Everyone, if I could have

your attention, please.

For those of you

who don't know me...

...my name's Dale Doback.

- Check. Check.

I'm Robert's other son,

the biological one.

Check. Check.

Probably wondering

why we gathered you here tonight...

...besides Derek's birthday.

We got a special surprise for you,

Derek, and everybody here...

- Check, check.

- Check.

- Dale. No, please.

- Don't interrupt them.

- I'm begging you.

- You wanna shut this down?

- Just hold on.

- Derek, for your birthday...

...we thought we'd roll out...

...a once-in-a-lifetime

business opportunity.

Happy birthday, Derek.

Music.

Prestige Worldwide,

wide, wide, wide.

Prestige Worldwide.

- The first word in entertainment.

- First word.

- Management.

- Financial portfolios.

- Insurance.

- Computers.

- Black leather gloves.

- Research and development.

Putting in the man-hours to study

the science of what you need.

Last week we put Liquid Paper

on a bee...

...and it died.

- Security.

- Security.

- And...

- And.

- Possibly you.

- Possibly you.

- Oh, this is classic. This is...

- We'd like to present...

...the world premiere of Prestige

Worldwide's first music video...

...by our first act, Huff and Doback.

- Roll it.

- Roll it.

Pay close attention, Dad.

It's gonna look familiar.

- This is... This is perfect.

- Is that my boat?

Yes, it is.

What are you doing on my boat?

The Nia, the Pinta

The Santa Mara

I'll do you in the bottom

While you're drinking sangria

Nachos and Lemonheads

On my dad's boat

You won't go down

'Cause my dick can float

We sail around the world

And go port to port

Every time I come

I produce a quart

That is offensive. Brennan, Dale.

I gotta have me my boats and ho's

Deadliest Catch without the crabs

We're almost out of gas

Call the Arabs

Pull up the anchor

'Cause we're leaving dry land

Get below deck

With a dick in your hand

Boats and ho's

Boats and ho's

I gotta have me my boats and ho's

Are you ready for some

world-class vocalization?

- Get a partner.

- Wait a minute.

- Who's steering the boat?

- Dad, please shut up.

Please shut up!

Yeah!

So...

...big question is:

Aside from the damage to the boat,

which we will fix...

...what'd you think

of the presentation?

Brennan, I think that what you did

to Robert's boat was horrid.

Having said that,

I think that both of you boys...

...showed a lot of enthusiasm

and inventiveness.

Yes. Thank you.

You gotta be kidding me.

They destroyed our dream

and you're calling it inventive.

- No, no, no. I didn't mean it like that.

- Yes, you did.

Come on, you did.

It's gonna be four years, at least,

before we can sail anywhere.

- And you could care less, admit it.

- I will not admit that...

...because it is not true.

- Oh, yeah.

But, you know,

I do think that you could show...

...a little bit more attentiveness

to your son and your stepson...

...who obviously need you.

It's true, Dr. Doback.

You've been very cold

and unsupportive of our dreams.

You wrecked my f***ing boat,

you goon!

Don't speak to my son like that.

Your son's costing me $80,000.

We could bicker about this all night,

but what's done is done, Dad.

- Are you guys gonna invest or not?

- That's it! That's it!

- What are you doing?

- Grab the wheel!

I can't believe

you're being so stingy.

- Robert, come down.

- It's a simple business decision.

You jackaloons!

You're failures! Failures!

And you're embarrassing yourself,

you geriatric f***!

- Brennan.

- Two things:

You keep your liver-spotted hands

off my beautiful mother.

She's a saint!

Then you sit down and you write Dale

and Brennan a check for $ 10,000.

Oh, stop it.

Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake

hearing devices so far up your ass...

- Brennan!

...you can hear the sound...

...of your small intestine

as it produces sh*t!

- All right, here we go.

- Oh, my Lord.

Somebody should've done this

a long time ago, and I'm gonna do it.

- What are you doing?

- Robert.

There are consequences

for your actions.

- No! Robert!

- Dad!

- This is not the answer.

- You're next, mister.

- You understand me?

- Yes.

- Certain behaviors...

- Let go of me.

...will not be tolerated!

- My ass is on fire!

Wow, the tree looks great, Nancy.

Really tasteful.

Thank you, Dale. That's a very nice

sweater you're wearing.

It was my mom's.

I took the shoulder pads out.

Oh, and, Brennan? Denise called...

...and she said she can't go out

with you on New Year's Eve...

...because she's not your girlfriend,

she's your therapist.

- Is that what she said?

- Yeah.

She's a rascal.

Hey, Dad, Nancy?

Would it be cool if Brennan and I

opened just one present each...

...since it's Christmas Eve?

I'm gonna go down to the

Cheesecake Factory, have a drink.

But it's Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas.

- Yes.

- Yeah.

I had my eye on one.

I hope it's what I think it is.

Oh, my God. Hulk Hands!

Wait, Dale got Hulk Hands?

Well, you reek of Scotch

and cheesecake.

You know...

...tonight at the Cheesecake Factory

was the happiest I've been in months.

- Well, then I feel very sorry for you.

- Well, just...

Nancy, I don't know if I can ever

forgive them for wrecking my boat.

- Why are you giving up?

- I'm not giving up. I'm not.

- You are. You're giving up on our boys.

- But they're 40.

I don't care how old they are.

They're still our children.

Well, sometime it's got to matter

how old they are.

That's all we do, is...

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Oh, it...

You know, they'll go back to bed.

See? They're sleepwalking.

No. No.

See, back to bed.

They'll be fine.

Just nonsense.

I'm gonna wake them up.

- No. Why would you do such a thing?

- Well, because it's...

- Never, ever wake up a sleepwalker.

- See, that's it.

- We can't ever do anything.

- No.

But they could do real harm

to themselves or others.

- Oh, the Christmas presents.

- No, guys... No, no, don't...

- No. But...

- I think we should take control.

- It's always about them.

- How do you propose to do that?

- Oh, Jesus.

- Whatever you do, don't wake them.

They might do real harm

to themselves or others.

- Not everybody does know that.

- Oh, the Christmas tree!

Oh, not the... No, don't...

All right, that's it!

- I'm waking them up!

- No! No!

- Don't wake them up!

- That's a myth!

- Wake up, both of you.

- Don't.

I told you! I told you!

Stop it! Don't hurt him!

The pictures! Nancy!

Robert!

I mean, I was driving around

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