Strange Bedfellows Page #4

[Laughs]

Why not?

Well, he was in the army,

for goodness sake.

Well, if it's hot,

don't touch it!

Out of the way, Fred.

What's up, Ralphie?

My back's still buggered

from your bloody bed.

I don't know what

you're complaining about;

I did all the work.

(Peter Allen)

Whoa, oh, when my baby,

when my baby smiles at me,

I feel like Tarzan...

Now, that's one

I can understand.

And in bungalow

while monkeys play above...

Well, we won't be doing that.

(Delaney)

Hi, Frances.

(Francis)

Oh, hi, Father.

So how are you boys

getting on?

Good afternoon, Father.

[Keys clicking wildly]

Pull the plug, Ralph.

Pull the plug.

Thunk

Oh!

He dropped a dollar.

Oh.

Got it?

Yeah.

Are you guys okay?

Oh, yeah.

It's just

accounting business.

Just finished.

(Eric)

Good, Vince, good.

Yes.

And ready for the pivot?

Pivot and look.

Lovely.

Very good.

And what's wrong

with Ralphie, hmm?

She's tired.

Oh, come on, mate.

You were just starting

to get really good at it.

(Eric)

She's tired, is she?

Well, do you know something?

This is just not working,

is it?

I mean, I know

the inspector isn't here

for a couple more days,

but this is hopeless.

You boys, you need

to immerse yourself

in the culture.

You need to be where gay rules,

were queens abound,

where men are men

and women

are totally superfluous.

You boys need to see

what I've seen.

You need to walk the walk

and dance the dance, hmm?

In short, gentlemen,

you need to follow

the Yellow Brick Road.

Yellow.

Yellow Brick Road.

Where?

(woman)

Can't believe.

Take me.

I have no choice.

Take me.

You will understand.

Take me.

(man)

I'll do what I gotta do.

Suit up.

(woman)

Can't believe.

(man)

I can't believe

what I'm about to do.

Hey, fellows...

[unintelligible].

Yeah, right, mate.

Crikey.

(woman)

I have no choice.

(man)

I can't believe

what I'm about to do,

but I can't get caught.

See, I have no choice.

Gotta pay my dues.

All eyes on me,

but mne's on you.

Who'd have thought

that lies and truth would

team up?

Take me by surprise,

you will not.

I'll do what I gotta do.

Suit up.

Vince.

Huh?

We're supposed to be gay,

remember?

What was that?

I don't know,

but you keep your eye on him,

and I'll go grab a stick.

It's right around here

somewhere.

What about down there?

I don't know.

We'll give it a try.

Okay, this'll be

no big deal.

We'll just go in,

bite the froth

off a couple of beers,

observe a bit

of the culture.

Then we'll be done.

There.

[Engine revving]

Are you sure

this is the place?

Oh, yeah,

this is the place.

Hey, listen up, ladies,

I think your dates

have just arrived.

Hubba hubba.

So what do we think?

Well, I think good luck,

be careful,

and I'll see you

back in Yack.

Nah. Come on, mate.

It's not like

they're going to try

and jump on us or anything.

I mean, look at us.

We're not exactly

supermodels.

T o them, we're just a couple

of old rough scrubbers.

Especially you.

I'll tell you what.

I think we're going

to have to go shopping.

Shopping?

Shopping?

You look gorgeous.

[Laughs nervously]

Yeah.

Are you sure this is what

they're all wearing?

Absolutely.

Move around.

Move around.

A bit snug.

Hey, Ralph.

How do I look?

Like two pound of sausages

in a one-pound bag.

They're supposed

to be tight.

Aren't they?

Oh, yes,

that's right, doll.

You look great.

[Laughs]

Yeah, well,

all right, then.

Now let's have a look

at you,

Mrs. Fancy Pants.

You look divine.

They seem to fit very well.

Yeah, turn around.

No.

Come on, mate.

Turn around.

No.

Ralphie, come on.

Turn around.

No.

Perhaps I could find a pair

with the bum still in them.

That might help.

Yeah, yeah,

that'd be lovely.

Thank you.

[Stayin' Alive]

I'll tell you

when you can get in, okay?

If I'd known

it would come to this...

What, you got yourself

a whole new outfit,

and you're still not happy.

Imagine what the mob

back in Yackandandah would say.

Mate, don't even joke

about that.

You standing there

like fourpence worth

of God-help-us.

It's a pity that fellow

couldn't find you

the other pair of pants.

What's wrong

with these, mate?

Ralphie.

I'm all for looking up

old friends,

but that's ridiculous.

[Laughter]

Boys.

Hi.

In you go.

Nice hair, doll.

Thanks, mate.

(Blondie)

Here comes the 21st century.

Here comes the 21 st century.

It's gonna be much better

for a girl like me.

[Echoing]

For a girl like me,

for a girl like me.

It's gonna be much better

for a girl like me,

for a girl like me.

I want that man.

I want that man.

I want that man.

Yeah, I need a drink.

Are you going to leave me?

...21 st century.

It's gonna be much better

for a girl like me.

Oh, don't worry

about it, darlin'.

Little Timmy's going

to look after you.

I want that man.

I want that man.

Hey!

I wanna dance

with Harry Dean,

drive through Texas

in a black limousine.

I want a piece of heaven

'fore I die.

I want a pair

of pink high heels

that catch the lights

up on the Ferris wheel.

But what I really want,

I just can't buy.

Here comes the 21st century.

It's gonna be much better

for a girl like me.

'Cause I want everything

I can.

Most of all,

I want that man.

I want that man.

I wanna move

like what's-his-name.

I'll keep the money.

You can have the fame.

Everything that's yours

will soon be mne.

Yeah, I wanna be

the queen...

She's good.

Oh, yeah, right.

Spice of

somethin' else, huh?

Got that right.

First time here?

Yeah, I'm just up

from the country.

Um... certainly takes

all types, doesn't it?

You've got that right.

Hi, I'm Justin.

Oh, Vince.

Nice to meet ya.

You too.

Hey.

Could I have a couple

of cold ones, mate... love?

Nice to meet you, Vince.

Yeah, you too, Justin.

Have a good night.

Same to you.

Ralph.

This here is Laurie,

Neil, and Anthony.

G'day.

Everybody, Ralph.

Go on.

Sit, sit, sit.

Just trying to work out

where I know you from.

Did we meet

at the Old Glory Hole?

No, I'm pretty sure we didn't.

'99 Mardi Gras.

You were the one

in the fig leaf.

(Timmy)

No, no, I doubt it.

Ralph is just up

from the country.

Yeah? You ride?

Huh?

(Neil)

Do you have a bike?

Oh, yeah, yeah,

a Malvern Star, you know?

With the old Sturmey-Archer

three speeds?

Ooh-hoo,

how cute.

You blokes ride?

Yeah, I got

a '64 Panther.

Mine's a Ducati.

But I do like

Malvern Stars.

I've got an old Indian

in the garage at home

I've been meaning to fix

for years.

Anyone we know?

I'm a mechanic

by trade.

Really?

Well, I have

a sick Ducati.

I wonder if you could take

a look at it for me.

Oh, yeah, sure.

No worries.

You look like a man

who can dance.

Well, actually,

I had samba lessons

when I was 15.

It was a great way

to rub up

against strange women

without getting arrested.

Or strange men,

rub up against men.

So you swing both ways.

No, to the left, mostly.

Come with me.

Well, I was...

Come with me.

Ralph?

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