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Strange Bedfellows Page #5
(Neil)
I really appreciate this,
you know?
No worries.
(Timmy)
So, Ralph.
T ell us where you
and your friend
have been hiding out
all this time.
(Ralph)
It's a little town
called Yackandandah.
You probably
haven't heard of it.
The Sleaze Ball.
What?
Where I saw you before.
Nah.
(Neil)
So when did you two
come out, then?
Today.
On the bus.
Yup, that's it.
Dirty fuel.
Should give it a test,
though.
Sure.
done this on my own, Neil.
And now,
for your entertainment,
give it up for the luscious,
the gorgeous,
the breath-taking Monique.
[cheers and applause]
Looking at you,
my troubles are fleeing.
I'm admring the view,
'cause it's you I'm seeing.
(Neil)
Now let me get you a drink.
What will it be?
Just a beer, thanks, Neil.
Heineken, Redback,
Steinlager, Coopers?
As long as it's cold.
Where's your man?
Oh, haven't got a clue.
Look, don't get me wrong,
but you two seem
like an odd couple.
Well, we're poofs,
aren't we?
It doesn't get
much odder than that.
[cell phone ringing]
[laughter]
Hello.
Ralph, what's going on?
Fred.
Uh, listen, mate.
I'm in Sydney.
Sydney?
Yeah, I'm up here...
for a visit.
Oh.
We were expecting you
for poker.
You have got
to meet Ralph.
She is so crazy.
Geez, mate, I forgot.
She's up from the country
with her boyfriend.
Yeah, I'll be back tomorrow.
What's her name, Ralph?
Sorry, Laurie, what was that?
I said, what's
your boyfriend's name?
Vince.
What was that about Vince?
Oh, Vince.
Yeah, he's here.
[applause]
He's...
Ooh, careful, love.
Give a girl
a hernia.
Who was that, Ralph?
Listen, Fred,
I'm in a bar, mate.
It's very noisy.
I've got to go.
I'll see you tomorrow.
[country music playing quietly]
are in Sydney.
Really?
Why would they be
in Sydney?
Must have gone
up there for work.
Yeah, yeah,
sure, sure.
I think so.
Vince does have
a business.
Of course,
he's a businessman.
Wears a tie and all.
(man)
Probably...
gone up there for business.
Definitely.
I went to Sydney
for business once.
See? It's quite common.
Yeah, of course it is.
Vince is a businessman.
He went up there
for business.
Why do you think
Ralph went?
Because...
he's a mechanic.
Of course he is.
And a damn good one.
[cheers and applause]
Darling,
Iife seemed so gray.
I wanted to end it
till that wonderful day
you started to mend it.
And if you'll only stay,
well, then, I'll spend it
Iooking at you.
[cheers and applause]
Did you get any compliments
on your pants?
I think my undies
frightened them off.
[laughs]
[bear yells]
Oh, I didn't expect that.
Oh, neither did I.
First prize, eh?
We must have been better
than I thought we were.
(Laurie)
How you guys
enjoying the big city?
Well, to be honest, Laurie,
if I hadn't have seen it
with my own eyes,
a place like this existed.
Wonderful, isn't it?
(Laurie)
Yeah.
A lot of things have changed
in the last 300 years.
Nowadays,
it's in to be out.
No one seems to notice anymore.
Oh, yeah?
You should come down
to Yackandandah.
I grew up in the country,
and I can tell you,
it was not easy.
(Neil)
You guys are heroes.
You know that?
I mean, you've lived
amongst all this prejudice,
and here you are,
years past your prime,
eyes filled with passion
that's only for each other.
Yeah, just look
at the two of you.
Beautiful.
You know...
you make me proud
to be a gay man.
T o Ralph and Vince.
(Neil)
T o Ralph and Vince.
(Tim)
T o Ralph and Vince.
Who wants
another drink?
You know,
it's funny, mate.
And don't take this
the wrong way.
But the worst thing
about all this gay business
is not that
people think I'm gay.
It's that people think
I'm going out with you.
Eh?
Well, no offense,
but if I was really gay,
I could do
a lot better than you.
Yeah?
I tell you what.
If I was really gay,
I could do a hell
of a lot better than you.
Sorry, mate.
I don't think so.
Oh, yeah,
I'd have good-looking blokes
after me, you know,
Iike movie stars
and that.
Like who?
Oh, Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds isn't gay.
No, but I could probably
get him to turn.
You certainly couldn't.
Vince.
Yeah, mate?
I think it's just as well
we're going home today.
Yeah.
[tires screeching]
[Carla on answering machine]
Hey, Dad.
You're probably out
helping get things ready
for the ball tonight.
We're at Jigalong,
and Pete's just
filling up the car.
Just rang to see
if you needed us
to bring a chicken
or anything for tea.
But you're not home,
so we'll sort it out
when we get there.
Okay, see you soon, Dad. Bye.
(Yvonne)
Vince?
There was
where you boys were earlier.
Really?
Yeah, he said
he was a bit early,
and I had no idea
where you were,
but he said
he'd be back.
Oh, here he comes now.
Um, Vonnie.
Mm-hmm.
Me and Ralph
are in a big hurry.
Can you do us
a really big favor?
Yeah.
Will you just tell this guy
to meet us at Ralph's place
in, say, half an hour?
Is everything all right?
Oh, yeah.
Just a business thing.
Vonnie, thanks.
Oh, Vince.
[bear yells]
I'd like to wrap it nice
for you.
[disappointed]
Oh.
He's here, Ralph.
(Ralph)
Who?
The bloody ferret
from the--
(Ralph)
Strewth.
You must be the gentleman
looking for us.
I'm Vince Hopgood.
Ah.
And this big hunk
is Ralph Williams.
And I'm Russell McKenzie.
Russell.
Sorry, sorry
to keep you waiting.
We just got off the bus
from Sydney.
Didn't know you were going
to be here early.
No worries.
Um, could--
could you be a dear
and give us 200 mnutes
to snip home
and take these rags off?
Of course.
You got
the address, then?
I do.
Splendid.
Lovely day for it.
Super.
What's my favorite color?
Purple.
It's blue.
Blue.
Little things like that
will trip us up.
Sorry, love.
So remember:
when we first got together,
I chased you,
and you played
hard to get.
If you say so.
Good.
So how'd you do it?
Do what?
How'd you win me over?
I bought you flowers,
took you out to dinner.
Yeah? Where?
I don't know, the pub.
Cheapskate.
That wouldn't win me over.
All right, I took you
to that flash restaurant
in the Beachworth Motel.
Well, at least that's got
a bit of atmosphere.
Yeah, might have even
treated you
to a naughty weekend.
I don't even want
Okay.
What?
Mate, I don't want
to do this
any more than you do.
But we got to look
like the real McCoy.
Agh.
Relax.
And then:
No, no, no, no.
I can't do it.
I can't believe you.
You still find all this
disgusting, don't you?
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
After all we've seen,
all the people we've met,
you still find homosexuality
disgusting.
No, I don't find homosexuality
disgusting at all.
I just think
it'd be disgusting with you.
Yeah.
All the more reason
we have to rehearse.
Come on.
Come here.
Here we go.
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"Strange Bedfellows" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/strange_bedfellows_18952>.
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