Strange Bedfellows Page #6

Not so bad.

Movin' up.

Now enjoy it.

Big Ralphie smile.

[car door slams]

Oh, sh*t, he's here.

You get the front door.

I'll finish getting changed.

Oh, sh*t.

He's comng round the back way.

Seems somehow appropriate.

[dog barking]

Hi, Dad.

Carla.

Oh.

Uh...

this is a bit awkward.

Do you think you could come back

a little later?

See, Vince--Vince and I have got

an important business meeting

with a bloke, see,

in a few mnutes.

So do you reckon

you could take Peter

for a drive around town

or a drink or something?

Okay.

Is everything all right?

Oh, fine, fine.

It's just that this bloke

is come down

from the city especially.

So if you could come back

in about an hour, okay?

[floor creaks]

(Carla)

Hey, Vince!

Why is Vince--

[knocking at door]

I can't talk, love.

I think that's the bloke

at the door now.

Look, I'll see you soon.

Bye.

Bye.

Well.

Hello.

Come in.

Come in.

Entrez-vous.

Thank you.

Hey, baby,

don't worry about that.

We'll come back in a while.

Oh, okay.

What the hell

are you doing?

I've got to get out of here.

I can't do this.

Can't do what?

(McKenzie)

I see you two are film buffs.

Oh, yes,

we just adore the cinema.

Of course, it's wonderful

owning the local theater.

You can't do what?

You can't desert me now.

No one was supposed to know.

Now Carla's seen you.

I just had to lie to her,

for God's sake,

and now I've got

some freaking tax inspector

sitting in my living room.

Look, I'm sorry about that.

Bullshit, you're sorry.

I was happy

to go along with this

to help you out,

but it's gone too far.

Come on.

We can do this.

[arguing]

(Ralph)

Sh*t.

Cramp, cramp.

Push, push.

Harder, harder!

You okay in there?

Uh, we're fine.

Ah!

Let me stand on it.

On we go.

We can do it; come on.

No, Vince.

You're on your own, mate.

Mate, don't do this to us.

Sorry.

Oh, sorry

to keep you waiting,

Russell.

Ralph will be joining us

in a moment.

He's trying to put

an outfit together.

Can I get you

something to drink?

Tea, coffee,

something stronger?

No, I'm fine, thanks,

Mr. Hopgood.

Oh, call me Vinnie.

That's...

a lovely tie

you're wearing, Russell.

Well, thank you.

My favorite color,

actually.

Oh, it's Ralph.

Mr. Williams.

It was worth the wait.

Come over here, dear.

Now, well, how can

this gorgeous man and I

help you, Russell?

Well, Mr. Hopgood,

I have to hand here

your application

for official recognition

of your same-sex union.

Oh, yes,

and I just can't tell you

how thrilled we are

that the government

has finally recognized

our marriage, as it were.

Well, it's the validity

of that marriage, Mr. Hopgood,

that I'm here to establish.

Unfortunately, this new law

is open to some abuse

by people with

considerable tax debts,

for instance.

Needless to say,

people caught in the act

of participating

in such fraudulent activity

will be prosecuted

to the full extent of the law.

So, now,

exactly how

did you two good people

fall in love?

Yes.

Well, how does one recall

the day, the moment?

I walked into the garage,

and he was standing there

in his overalls,

screwdriver in his hand

and deep in the bowels

of a truck engine.

And he looked up,

and our eyes met,

and in think in that instant,

we both knew.

So was there a period

of courtship?

Courtship?

Oh, I'll give you

courtship, Russell.

He pursued me relentlessly.

Didn't you, Ralphie?

Well, I wouldn't say that.

(Vince)

No, no, look at him.

Buttercup.

He gets embarrassed

talking about it.

You see,

we were both locals,

and growing up, Ralph was

this peculiar young man.

Always alone, mysterious.

And you, I mean-

Let me finish, doll.

But once he decided

that I was what he wanted,

well, then he showered me

with gifts.

He sent me flowers

and roses.

I sent him a wrench.

Well, before you knew it...

It wasn't that quick.

And, of course,

there was the poetry.

Poetry?

Oh, yeah.

Beneath this shy exterior,

Iittle Ralphie here

is quite the romantic.

Aren't you, sweetie?

Yeah.

You have any copies

of these poems?

For my files, you understand.

Oh, you know,

no idea where they got to.

Hmm.

Uh, but I can still remember

the first one.

Really?

Really?

Oh, yes.

It went...

something like this.

'Vince, Vince,

"you are my prince.

"You came into my life,

"and you haven't left since.

"My love for you

"will always be true.

Vince, Vince,

my handsome prince."

Charmng.

Thank you.

You devil.

Now, be careful,

there, boys.

Oh, hello, Carla.

Hello, Faith.

You don't have your father

with you,

do you, dear?

No, I don't.

Sorry.

(Faith)

He's just late

with the fire truck;

that's all.

Oh, right.

Faith, this is Peta.

Lovely to meet you, dear.

Up for the weekend?

(Carla)

No, just the night,

unfortunately.

I had to come

and see Dad.

Oh, of course.

It must have been

a terrible shock for you, dear.

Sorry?

Well, when you heard

about your father and Vince.

Father and Vince.

Okay, what

have they done now?

Each other,

apparently.

And, yes, we just live

for the cinema.

And long drives

through the country.

And, of course,

Ralph just adores the ballet.

The ballet?

I love the ballet.

Do you have

a particular favorite?

Uh...

well, there's--

there are so many of them,

aren't there?

It's--it's really hard

to pick just one.

I think,

uh, I think

I'd have to say...

The...

Nutcracker.

Suite.

Nutcracker Suite.

I saw a production of that

recently in Canberra.

Really good.

I see from my files

that you were both previously

heterosexually married.

Have you both always known

that you were gay?

Well, Vince has.

Haven't you, darling?

Yeah, yeah,

when we were younger,

Vince was always hanging

around the football club,

offering to massage

the players.

I don't know if I should be

telling you this,

Russell, but our Vincie used

to put it about a it.

And behind the wife's back,

mnd you.

Well--

No, no, it's my turn.

It's my turn.

Yes, remember that time

with that young jackaroo,

Vincie,

in the projection box?

Yes, I walked in

unexpectedly.

And, well, I didn't know

what to think.

Yes, yes,

but he's settled down a lot

since those days.

Haven't you, possum,

hey, hey, yes?

Yes, and it's all

because of you, buttercup.

[laughing]

Ah!

Thanks, Stan!

Just leave 'em right there.

Thanks, mate.

Well.

That about does it

for me.

Oh, finished so soon?

Yes, I'll send in

my report.

You'll receive

the results by mail.

Oh, splendid.

Oh, one thing.

You must get

this sworn affidavit

signed and filled in

by a local citizen,

preferably someone

of promnence,

somebody who's known you both

for more than five years.

Oh, no problem at all,

Russell.

We'll have it filled out

and sent to you

before the week's out.

These are lovely,

aren't they?

Oh, yes,

Ralphie grew them for me.

They're

his favorite color.

Oh.

Well, one of my

favorite colors.

I love anything

in the bluey mauvey

maroonish spectrum.

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