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Strange Bedfellows Page #6
Not so bad.
Movin' up.
Now enjoy it.
Big Ralphie smile.
[car door slams]
Oh, sh*t, he's here.
You get the front door.
Oh, sh*t.
He's comng round the back way.
Seems somehow appropriate.
[dog barking]
Hi, Dad.
Carla.
Oh.
Uh...
this is a bit awkward.
Do you think you could come back
a little later?
See, Vince--Vince and I have got
with a bloke, see,
in a few mnutes.
So do you reckon
you could take Peter
or a drink or something?
Okay.
Is everything all right?
Oh, fine, fine.
It's just that this bloke
is come down
from the city especially.
So if you could come back
in about an hour, okay?
[floor creaks]
(Carla)
Hey, Vince!
Why is Vince--
[knocking at door]
I can't talk, love.
I think that's the bloke
at the door now.
Look, I'll see you soon.
Bye.
Bye.
Well.
Hello.
Come in.
Come in.
Entrez-vous.
Thank you.
Hey, baby,
We'll come back in a while.
Oh, okay.
What the hell
are you doing?
I've got to get out of here.
I can't do this.
Can't do what?
(McKenzie)
I see you two are film buffs.
Oh, yes,
we just adore the cinema.
Of course, it's wonderful
owning the local theater.
You can't do what?
You can't desert me now.
No one was supposed to know.
Now Carla's seen you.
I just had to lie to her,
for God's sake,
and now I've got
some freaking tax inspector
sitting in my living room.
Bullshit, you're sorry.
I was happy
to go along with this
to help you out,
but it's gone too far.
Come on.
We can do this.
[arguing]
(Ralph)
Sh*t.
Cramp, cramp.
Push, push.
Harder, harder!
You okay in there?
Uh, we're fine.
Ah!
Let me stand on it.
On we go.
We can do it; come on.
No, Vince.
You're on your own, mate.
Mate, don't do this to us.
Sorry.
Oh, sorry
to keep you waiting,
Russell.
Ralph will be joining us
in a moment.
He's trying to put
an outfit together.
Can I get you
something to drink?
Tea, coffee,
something stronger?
No, I'm fine, thanks,
Mr. Hopgood.
Oh, call me Vinnie.
That's...
a lovely tie
you're wearing, Russell.
Well, thank you.
My favorite color,
actually.
Oh, it's Ralph.
Mr. Williams.
It was worth the wait.
Come over here, dear.
Now, well, how can
this gorgeous man and I
help you, Russell?
Well, Mr. Hopgood,
I have to hand here
your application
for official recognition
of your same-sex union.
Oh, yes,
and I just can't tell you
how thrilled we are
that the government
has finally recognized
our marriage, as it were.
Well, it's the validity
of that marriage, Mr. Hopgood,
that I'm here to establish.
Unfortunately, this new law
is open to some abuse
by people with
considerable tax debts,
for instance.
Needless to say,
people caught in the act
of participating
in such fraudulent activity
will be prosecuted
to the full extent of the law.
So, now,
exactly how
did you two good people
fall in love?
Yes.
Well, how does one recall
the day, the moment?
I walked into the garage,
and he was standing there
in his overalls,
screwdriver in his hand
and deep in the bowels
of a truck engine.
And he looked up,
and our eyes met,
and in think in that instant,
we both knew.
So was there a period
of courtship?
Courtship?
Oh, I'll give you
courtship, Russell.
He pursued me relentlessly.
Didn't you, Ralphie?
Well, I wouldn't say that.
(Vince)
No, no, look at him.
Buttercup.
He gets embarrassed
talking about it.
You see,
we were both locals,
Always alone, mysterious.
And you, I mean-
Let me finish, doll.
But once he decided
that I was what he wanted,
well, then he showered me
with gifts.
He sent me flowers
and roses.
I sent him a wrench.
Well, before you knew it...
It wasn't that quick.
And, of course,
there was the poetry.
Poetry?
Oh, yeah.
Beneath this shy exterior,
Iittle Ralphie here
is quite the romantic.
Aren't you, sweetie?
Yeah.
You have any copies
of these poems?
For my files, you understand.
Oh, you know,
no idea where they got to.
Hmm.
Uh, but I can still remember
the first one.
Really?
Really?
Oh, yes.
It went...
something like this.
'Vince, Vince,
"you are my prince.
"You came into my life,
"and you haven't left since.
"My love for you
"will always be true.
Vince, Vince,
my handsome prince."
Charmng.
Thank you.
You devil.
Now, be careful,
there, boys.
Oh, hello, Carla.
Hello, Faith.
You don't have your father
with you,
do you, dear?
No, I don't.
Sorry.
(Faith)
He's just late
with the fire truck;
that's all.
Oh, right.
Faith, this is Peta.
Lovely to meet you, dear.
Up for the weekend?
(Carla)
No, just the night,
unfortunately.
I had to come
and see Dad.
Oh, of course.
It must have been
a terrible shock for you, dear.
Sorry?
Well, when you heard
about your father and Vince.
Father and Vince.
Okay, what
have they done now?
Each other,
apparently.
And, yes, we just live
for the cinema.
And long drives
through the country.
And, of course,
Ralph just adores the ballet.
The ballet?
I love the ballet.
Do you have
a particular favorite?
Uh...
well, there's--
there are so many of them,
aren't there?
It's--it's really hard
to pick just one.
I think,
uh, I think
I'd have to say...
The...
Nutcracker.
Suite.
Nutcracker Suite.
I saw a production of that
recently in Canberra.
Really good.
I see from my files
that you were both previously
heterosexually married.
Have you both always known
that you were gay?
Well, Vince has.
Haven't you, darling?
Yeah, yeah,
when we were younger,
Vince was always hanging
around the football club,
offering to massage
the players.
I don't know if I should be
telling you this,
Russell, but our Vincie used
to put it about a it.
And behind the wife's back,
mnd you.
Well--
No, no, it's my turn.
It's my turn.
Yes, remember that time
with that young jackaroo,
Vincie,
in the projection box?
Yes, I walked in
unexpectedly.
And, well, I didn't know
what to think.
Yes, yes,
but he's settled down a lot
since those days.
Haven't you, possum,
hey, hey, yes?
Yes, and it's all
because of you, buttercup.
[laughing]
Ah!
Thanks, Stan!
Thanks, mate.
Well.
That about does it
for me.
Oh, finished so soon?
Yes, I'll send in
my report.
You'll receive
the results by mail.
Oh, splendid.
Oh, one thing.
You must get
this sworn affidavit
signed and filled in
by a local citizen,
preferably someone
of promnence,
somebody who's known you both
for more than five years.
Oh, no problem at all,
Russell.
We'll have it filled out
and sent to you
before the week's out.
These are lovely,
aren't they?
Oh, yes,
Ralphie grew them for me.
They're
his favorite color.
Oh.
Well, one of my
favorite colors.
I love anything
in the bluey mauvey
maroonish spectrum.
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"Strange Bedfellows" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/strange_bedfellows_18952>.
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