Strange Bedfellows Page #7

Don't I, Ralph?

Apparently.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

G'day.

Cheerio.

Bye-bye.

All in all,

that went really well.

Oh, yeah, really well.

What about this?

Oh, well--

we're really late.

[engine sputters]

(Ralph)

And again.

[engine rumbling]

Quick, the door!

(Carla)

Dad, are you there?

Yeah, he's gone.

So this is the place

where I grew up.

All right!

You did it, Ralphie.

Right, all now we get to do

is get to the hall in one piece

and find out

if Stan saw anything

when he dropped

the tomatoes off.

And if he did,

I'll come up with an excuse.

Yeah, you'll come up

with an excuse.

Like what?

(Vince)

I'll think of something.

The hand brake.

[hoedown music]

What a day, hey, Ralphie?

At least now we can relax

among our friends,

just be our normal

charmng selves.

Hello, everybody!

Comng through!

Something yummy!

Something fruity

and full of cream!

Oh, and a couple of cakes,

as well.

God, he's good.

He's better

than the real thing.

Oh, there's Stan.

I'm going to go

and talk to him.

I'm going to find Carla.

How was Sydney?

Sydney...

was okay.

So why did you go?

I was--

Was it business?

Business,

yeah, that's it.

Business.

Oh, Stan, when you got

a mnute, mate--

Did you get

the tomatoes?

Yeah, yeah, thanks.

Hey, Vonnie.

I really want to thank you

for helping us out today.

That's okay, Vince.

No, I really want

to thank you--

you know, like,

take you out to dinner.

Maybe the little restaurant

in the motel

up in Beachworth.

Oh, that's very sweet

of you, Vince,

but it really

isn't necessary.

Yes, it is.

What about lunch, then?

Let me buy you lunch.

[laughs]

Oh, I know:
a picnic.

Nice little picnic

in the countryside,

you and me.

Oh, that's very sweet

of you, Vince,

but what about Ralph?

What about Ralph?

What's it got to do

with Ralph?

Well, he's your--

well, you two are gay.

Aren't you?

Me gay?

No, no, no,

I'm not gay.

I'm, uh...

bisexual, you see.

(Yvonne)

Oh.

Yeah, I've been

my whole life.

Oh, Russell.

Didn't realize

you were still in town.

Yes, I've got another interview

in the area Monday,

so I thought,

"What the hell?"

Stay on,

enjoy the ball.

Splendid.

Lot of weirdos in Sydney.

(Stan)

Saw you two together

this afternoon.

Didn't want to interrupt.

(man)

I know what you two

have been up to.

Vince had dragged you into one

of his business schemes.

Am I right?

Yeah, well, I really can't

talk about--

Ralph.

Hi, fellas.

What?

What?

Oh, sweetheart,

look who's here.

Oh, fabulous.

[quietly]

Oh, f***.

What's he doing here?

How the hell

would I know?

Maybe he likes to dance.

This is not good, Vince.

I'll tell you

what I do know:

tonight, we're going

to be gay.

Bullshit.

Carla's going to be here

with her boyfriend.

I'm not going to be anything

in front of them.

Need I remnd you, Ralph,

that if Russell reports back

that we're not gay,

we go to jail, pal.

Tax evasion,

providing false information,

bad taste,

God knows what.

Vince, this is the last time

I ever let you talk me

into anything.

Mate, you were great today.

That's why I know we can

pull this off tonight.

Come on.

(man)

I fare thee well.

I fare thee well.

I fare thee we-e-e-e-ll.

I fare thee well.

I fare thee well.

I fare thee we-e-e-e-ll.

[applause]

Thank you!

What would they be

talking about?

He's probably

telling them we're gay.

Sh*t.

Maybe the boys

are telling him we're not.

Sh*t.

Do you expect

any more fires this summer?

Not two years

in a row, no.

Ralph and Vince

are in the fire brigade.

Really?

We've got

to do something gay.

(man)

Okay, boys and girls.

Here's an oldie but a goodie.

[upbeat music]

They're playing our song.

Dance--you know,

like at the club.

Come on.

No bloody way.

My oh me oh.

I go wild,

and then I have to do

the samba

and La Bamba.

Now, I'm not

the kind of person

with a passionate persuasion

for dancin'

or romancin'.

But I give in to the rhythm,

and my feet follow

the beatin' of my heart.

Whoa, oh.

When my baby,

when my baby smiles at me,

I go to Rio...

de Janeiro.

I'm a salsa fellow.

When my baby smiles at me,

the sun

lightens up my life.

And am I free at last.

What a blast.

Yee-ha-hoo!

Whoa, oh.

When my baby,

when my baby smiles at me,

I feel like Tarzan

of the jungle

there on the hot sand

and in a bungalow

while monkeys play above-a.

We make love-a.

Now, I'm not the type

to let vibrations

trigger my imagination easily.

You know that's just not me.

I turn into a tiger

every time I get beside the

one I love.

Your dad's a circus.

Rio, Rio, Rio, hey!

[silence]

How about that,

ladies and gentlemen?

Can I swing a shoe or what?

Carla.

(man)

"Rye whiskey, rye whiskey,

rye whiskey," I cry.

If I don't get

rye whiskey...

So, Vince.

What the hell was that?

Well, if whiskey

was a river...

Well, uh, Eric

and Ralph and I thought

it would be a good idea

if we did a dance routine.

"Rye whiskey, rye whiskey,

rye whiskey," I cry.

Why?

If I don't get

rye whiskey...

Entertainment?

Oh,

there's Vonnie.

Vincent.

Faith.

You know, Mr. Hopwood,

with moves like those,

one could be forgiven

for believing...

that you and Mr. Williams

really were gay.

[laughs]

Vincent, I know everything.

(Ralph)

Carla.

Carla.

Where are you off to,

sweetheart?

Dad, what on Earth

is going on?

I come home.

You won't even

let me in the house.

I go off around town,

and people are saying

that you and Vince...

are gay.

And then I go home,

and the house

is completely weird.

Then I come here,

and you and Vince

are making fools of yourself,

and everybody's

laughing at you.

Oh, God.

Where do I begin?

Being gay?

Well, uh...

Dad, are you gay?

(Ralph)

Shh!

Now is not a good time.

Carla.

Dad, I don't want this,

you know.

You're my father,

for God's sake.

I don't want people

Iaughing at you.

Sweetie, it's fine.

You don't know what it's like.

Yes, I do.

Your friends making comments

behind your back.

And you don't know the crap

that gay people go through.

Carla, I do.

Look, sweetheart.

I can't explain

what's happening here--

not right now, anyway.

But I know what

you're talking about.

I was--I was as guilty

of all that business

as anybody.

And I know how we all feel

about people like that.

People like what?

Well...

Hello.

Hi.

Dad, I want you

to meet Peta.

It's nice

to meet you.

Yeah.

Ralph, we got to talk.

What?

Hi, Carla.

(Ralph)

Wait; I'll be back.

So where's the boyfriend?

This better be important.

Oh, it is.

It's important.

Faith knows.

The whole bloody town knows.

No, no, no,

she knows everything.

I don't know how she does,

but she does.

I've got to talk to Carla.

No, mate,

we can get through this.

Vince, we're f***ed.

Now, look, I'll keep Faith

away from Russell.

You come up with an excuse

for the dancing.

The ball will be finished,

and then we're done.

[motorcycle engines roaring]

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