Stretch Page #7

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Hey, it's Stretch. You know what to do.

Come on, Karos. Where are you, man?

Let's go.

Delinquents, take your mark.

What the f***?

Oh, sh*t!

- You're late.

- I'm not late.

Did this limo get squat-f***ed by Satan?

Along with your wardrobe?

What in the patron saint

of sh*t happened?

Couple of twists and turns.

Few complications.

Did you get the briefcase?

- Laurent mentioned some ledgers.

- Did you get the briefcase?

I got the briefcase.

Yes, I gave my word that I would return

with those ledgers.

Where's the f***ing briefcase?

Under your seat.

Oh, you're a Magic Mike.

I'm here.

No, no, no, no. Public. I said public,

I want public. That's not public.

You do it out in the open, then it's you

and I to the air strip and no one else.

There's a place called Kite on Ivar.

Meet me there in 20.

My balls are itchy.

Did you get my blow?

Oh, sweet mama.

- No, I'm good.

- I wasn't gonna give it to you anyway.

What's the problem?

You get a thumb

in the ass that I missed?

- Pretty rough night, Rog.

- Mmm-hmm.

I'm not sure even the clothes or the car

paint an accurate enough portrait

of the f***ing hell that I have

gone through for you.

Oh, wait a minute.

You mean you did something

other than drive a limo

while dying slowly?

You went out and risked something,

you learned something. You felt something!

Is that what I did? For shame!

You owe me an explanation, Roger,

at the very f***ing least.

All right.

The ledgers contain hard financials,

i.e., illegal activity of everyone

I've ever done business with.

And I've done business with some

bad guys that I am now selling out

to save myself.

- Laurent bought the ledgers?

- No, he's a blackmailer.

He paid 300k.

You could get 10 times that.

- So, then, why don't you hang onto them?

- I'm short selling them

to purchase a very expensive plane

ticket out of here tonight,

one which gets me somewhere

I cannot be extradited.

And the gentleman I'm buying

the flight from has a fleet of jets.

He's willing to run the risk,

provided he gets the ledgers.

- What about Laurent?

- He's a f***ing idiot.

And since I just got done explaining to you

that I did business with some bad guys

- and then beat them, that would make me...

- Worse.

Better!

Opposite of a f***ing idiot

food chain, pal. So, f*** Laurent!

And your word,

none of which means bupkis to me.

What does is "finish line."

I'm gonna change.

Muscles.

You missed the f***ing deadline, Kevin.

Where's my money?

Where's my money?

Kite, on Ivar. Twenty minutes.

Stay close.

Okay.

Oh, no.

Hello, buddy!

Now, you are my victim?

Stretch, it looks like our journey

has come to an end.

- You've been a wonderful driver.

- What?

Where are you going?

And now, I'm going to f*** you up, dick!

Chill, drago. Let him go.

He owes me six grand, so,

before you f*** him up, I need to collect.

Trucha.

Mr. Karos!

Wait. Will you just...

I need to... settle a bill.

Would you mind letting me go there?

Have a rape party with them.

All that's left is the, the tip.

The gratuity.

Let me know...

You were late getting back to me.

No.

And to quote you,

"Life is nothing but timing."

Told you I was gonna steal that one.

Like I've stolen everything else before.

But that's not the reason you're getting

f***ed, I was just having fun.

Truth is, you were always gonna get

f***ed, pal, because you are a beta male!

And I grind guys like you down

to make my bread.

Promise of six grand was all it took

to fit you for strings.

Now, who but an absolute a**hole

would bank on a $6,000 tip?

Sound familiar?

I said that first.

Take comfort in this.

You got beat by the best.

By a bona fide, true, blue-blooded

bad guy.

I eat, sleep, f***, earn,

ergo, I survive.

And when this whole marble

has finally melted down

and the roaches are running what remains,

I will be crowned their king!

Because I am a fire starter, Stretch.

And you are

not!

Cops.

Drop the f***ing gun!

Feds.

That's Karos.

F***.

You're a f***ing fed?

That's right,

I'm a f***ing fed, a**hole!

Drop the briefcase, turn around,

put your hands on your head.

How about that?

Stretch, you're going to jail.

Do it!

After all this?

After this f***ing night?

You lost, you let

a lying-piece-of-sh*t crook play you.

And now, you're going down with him.

Gun.

Gun!

Holy sh*t! You have to do something.

Your whole life has led to this night,

this very moment.

Do something.

You have got to do something.

Own the space.

Own it!

He couldn't have been

more wrong about me.

I am a fire starter.

And now we're on fire.

Iggy!

Here's your six grand!

You're under arrest!

Get up! Get the f*** up!

You got balls, Stretch! Big balls!

Argh!

Yeah! That's more like it.

Hi... coffee, please. Black.

Sorry, babe.

I knew you weren't French.

I'm about as French as you are LAPD.

Speaking of...

Told you I'd get those ledgers for you.

Yeah, but what you didn't tell me is you were

gonna throw away my $300,000 to do it.

I thought Karos was gonna shoot.

Somebody would've returned fire,

then somebody else might've gotten killed.

I didn't know Karos was a,

was an FBI target.

I thought he was just some rich flake

that I could make a big tip off of.

I don't know how

it sort of snowballed on me.

Just one thing led to another and...

Look at me.

It doesn't take much

to go from good to bad.

Smallest, dumbest little twist

of fate sometimes.

I didn't believe in that, "fate,"

before last night.

My friend,

everything happens for a reason.

Has to be that way.

It'd be too depressing otherwise.

So, am I going to jail then?

If you are, I'm not taking you.

You taking him?

- Nah.

- Nah.

Karos is locked up, hopefully, for life.

I'm gonna go home and see if my wife

still recognizes me.

You're out of a job.

You have warrants outstanding,

and you're probably gonna be the target

of multiple lawsuits. So, I'd say you're

swimming in your fair share of sh*t.

Pretty much.

You're on your own now, pal.

Good luck.

You should do it professionally.

What?

Acting. You should do it professionally

'cause you're good, man.

I mean, you're really good.

I totally believed everything you were doing.

- Really?

- Yeah!

Thank you.

If I'm you, next time I'm sitting in a limo,

I'm in the backseat.

Thank you.

If you like stories about chance

and coincidence and fate,

then here's one you've never heard.

Boy meets girl...

Girl is the one he's been

looking for his entire life.

Yes, indeed.

Go. And set.

Two cameras, A mark.

- And action.

- Action.

Action!

- Those are the things I asked for?

- Yeah.

Scotch?

Caulking gun?

Cheese puff?

One?

Wilford Brimley's office, please?

She just looks so ridiculously happy,

doesn't she?

Not to rub salt in the wound,

but I hear the groom-to-be has

a gorilla-sized cock

and a tongue like an octopus.

B mark, action!

J. Edgar Hoover. Do you know who he is?

I do.

He's Leonardo Di Caprio.

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