Stuck on You Page #4

Bob wouldn't allow it.

Oh, Bob.

Yeah. He's really something.

Hey, are you even sure

you need a liver?

My friend had his appendix out

and he's okay.

Okay. I'm gonna

take a little sleepy now.

Good night.

I'm not here.

Hello.

No, he is currently unavailable.

Can I take a message?

- Oh, hey, Morty.

- I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

You know, l--

He is waking up from his afternoon nap.

Hold on, please.

Hello!

You're kidding me. What-- ?

Of course I'll be there.

Thank you, Mr. O'Reilly.

Thanks a lot.

I got a job.

What?

It's a motion picture

called Pavlov's Dog!

I start tomorrow morning

at 9:
00 a.m.!

Do you hear that, Bob?

I'm a working actor!

Great!

Hey, it gets even better.

In five minutes, you have a date

with the girl of your dreams.

Bobby!

Come on.

Bobby.

Would you calm down?

I thought you'd be happy about this.

Oh, God. How could you?

- How could you?

- lt was easy.

I called information, I got her number,

and I called her before you woke up.

Thank you.

No, she is from California, Walt,

she's not used to Siamese twins.

Siamese?

Hey, what happened to conjoined?

Oh, just cut the bullshit!

We're gonna freak her out!

Excuse me.

Hello?

May I help you?

Yeah, I'm looking for Bob Tenor.

- Apartment five.

- Thank you.

- Have you been honest with this girl?

- Yeah.

- By and large.

- Well...

- Didn't tell her about yourself, did you?

- Of course I did!

I just...

I didn't tell her about you.

I can't deal with you right now.

The pictures!

What about the pictures, Bob?

- I cut you out of them.

- Oh, well, that's great!

That is really, really great!

That says a lot, brother.

- Ashamed of me, huh?

- No, I'm not ashamed of you.

I just don't know how I feel

about myself sometimes.

- Okay, okay, okay.

- What am I gonna do?

- We'll go out the back window.

- Yeah, okay, we'll make a run for it.

We're not running anywhere.

Hey! Where have you been hiding?

Hi, Bob.

- Just go ahead and tell her.

- Live your own life.

Hop in!

Well, well, we finally meet.

- I can't believe you're actually here.

- Yeah, I know. It's amazing, huh?

You look a lot bigger

than in your photos.

Well, I would hope so,

or else I'd only be three inches tall.

Hi, I'm Bob's brother, Walt.

I spoke to you on the phone.

Walt, meet May.

Nice to meet you, Walt.

- You never told me you had a brother.

- I never told you I had a brother.

Are we going somewhere?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I made dinner reservations.

Tenor, party of three.

I believe we had an 8:15 reservation.

- Can I help you?

- We'll have two Jumbo Jacks, please.

A Sourdough Jack, three fries,

and three medium Pepsis.

- Two Jumbo Jacks, one Sourdough...

- Got a favorite parking spot here, Bob?

... three medium Pepsis,

Anything else?

- So how was the trip here?

- Oh, awesome, awesome flight.

Yeah, you should've seen it.

We played cards.

- Cards are fun.

- Yeah.

Grand Canyon.

- We flew right over the Grand Canyon.

- Oh, yeah?

Yeah, it's, like, real different from

the Vineyard, with the big hole and sh*t.

And it was orange.

Do you guys remember

that Allen movie, Annie Hall...

...where the guy goes out with the girl

and to ease the tension...

...he suggests they kiss

at the beginning of the date.

- Yes!

- Do you remember this?

- That's a really good scene.

- The best is when...

...Diane Keaton's brother says he's

gonna drive into the truck...

...and kill everybody in the car.

Yeah.

May, I think there's something

I should tell you.

Yes.

Go ahead.

You see, the reason

that I'm acting kind of strange--

- I think I'm dying!

- Lord.

- I think-- I can't--

- Are you okay?

- I can't breathe!

- Oh, my God.

Should we get out?

No, you're having a panic attack.

Here, breathe into this.

- You don't like me, do you?

- What?

You're disappointed with me.

No! No, you're awesome!

You're even better in person!

- No, I'm not.

- Yes!

Oh, yeah.

You're a hottie. Absolutely.

Just breathe into there.

No, no, no. Oh, God, I'm, I'm, I'm--

I'm so embarrassed. I waited so long

to meet you, and now I'm blowing it.

- No! No.

- No. No.

You're not blowing anything.

No blowing.

You're so much better than I could--

I'm actually happy you're having this...

...because it means

we have even more in common.

- I freak out too.

- He does.

- You really have panic attacks?

- Oh, all the time.

I was actually just about to have one,

and then you beat me to the punch.

Hey, sorry...

...to have Walt here

tagging along on our date.

You know, he can be a little clingy.

You know, it's his first time

out on the Left Coast...

...and, you know,

he's heard about the gangs...

...and the Crips and the Bloods, and...

I was less nervous about it.

I actually looked into joining the Crips.

But I found that the Bloods

had a better dental plan.

No. No, sir, that's not true.

They wouldn't take me.

- I had a lot of fun tonight, Bob.

- Yeah, me too.

Well, anyway...

- ...I guess this is it.

- Yep.

Will you walk me to the door?

- I wanna get out and stretch my legs.

- Sure, sure.

Yeah.

The sidewalk's safer.

I'm gonna walk you guys

right to the front door.

This is beautiful, by the way.

I got an early-morning call time.

- Good luck tomorrow, Walt.

- Oh, thank you very much. Thanks.

You guys have probably seen enough

of me. I'll just get out of your hair.

- Good night, Bob.

- Good night, May.

- Yes! Yes!

- Hey. Hey, hey.

- Good kisser?

- Yeah, I'm not bad.

- Oh, that's good. That's cute.

- That is good, huh?

- No, no, no! It's not funny! Come on.

- Who's your daddy?

- You're my daddy.

- That's it.

- So, what's this Pavlov's Dog about?

- I don't know.

They didn't send me a script.

Probably one of those Disney movies

with the talking animals.

"I'm Pavlov."

- Hey, great makeup job, fellas!

- Thanks. You too.

Am I just talking to hear

my brains rattle? I'm hot!

Do you hear me? I am hot!

Look what it says here, Howard.

Who's hot, who's not. Cher, red-hot!

You're hotter than hot! You're on fire.

There's no question about it.

Then answer me this. Why am I doing

this lame-ass TV show...

- ...when I should be doing movies?

- Because you signed a contract...

...and the network's holding you to it.

Honey and the Beaze isn't lame-ass.

You're a sassy lawyer

who uses DNA evidence...

...to free wrongly convicted minorities.

This is cutting-edge stuff.

Oh, cut the crap, Howard.

Come on, this TV show...

...makes Touched by an Angel

look like Trainspotting!

Before I busted my nut to get you

this gig, you were two weeks away...

- ...from being the corner square?

- Center square.

You told me they wanted me

for center square.

I did say that.

And you see, what happened is...

...Alf was able to free up his schedule,

and, well, they want--

If you didn't get lucky with one lousy

indie film, you'd be begging for this job.

Let me explain something

to you, okay?

First, that lousy little indie film

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