Stuck on You Page #8

Hey, don't you walk away from me.

Did you hear what I said?

- Don't you walk a--

- Yeah, you better run!

You want some of this?

Come on. You want some?

- Come on!

- Come on, little brother.

- Want some action?

- Come on. Come here.

Okay.

Okay, I'll do it.

- What?

- I'll do it.

I'll do it if it's what you really want.

I'll get the operation.

It's what I want.

That's good.

Nice!

- Nice!

- Hey, that's good right there.

- Yeah!

- Get it, get it, get it!

Oh, right there!

Well, that's good.

There you go.

- My God.

- I do impersonations.

Good evening, everybody,

I'm Ted Koppel...

...just outside Madison Square Garden

with the former champ Mike Tyson.

- How does it feel?

- My defense is impregnable.

My offense is impetuous--

I'm gonna hit him so hard.

Tonight, and forgive me for sounding

overzealous on this one particular point...

...Bob and Walt Tenor,

two dipshits stuck together.

Bob. Bob. Turn around.

You got a visitor.

Hi, Bob.

Hi, May.

Look, I was hoping

we could have a word in private.

I mean, just the three of us.

Yeah, okay.

Excuse us.

- Hi, May.

- Hi.

Oh, sorry.

I have a book on tape.

I'm ashamed of myself.

The way I reacted.

No, come on, it's not...

It was my fault.

I really could have sprung

this on you a little better.

Anyway, it's not gonna

be an issue anymore.

We decided to get separated.

- What? No!

- No.

It's time.

You don't have to do that.

Look, this is a hard thing

for anyone to handle.

- Bob, but that doesn't--

- May.

I saw the look

in your eye that day.

Well, of course.

I was surprised.

You lied to me for three years.

But I thought about this a lot.

It doesn't matter.

Wait a second, so you're-- ?

You're saying that you

could have a relationship...

...even with this?

It's a speed bump.

I love you.

I love you just as you are.

Both of you.

Well, the thing about this operation...

...is that I'm not doing it

just for me and you.

I'm doing it for him also.

That Robert Evans,

he banged them, didn't he?

He banged them all.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Go ahead and talk amongst yourselves.

Jesus.

Guys! Guys! Don't go!

Please, don't go.

The latest Nielsens

came out this morning.

Honey and the Beaze

is number one.

We're doing it.

If you guys go ahead with this,

you're committing career suicide.

They said the same thing

when Erik Estrada quit CHiPs.

You're shitting me. He quit?

Promise me you'll be here

when I wake up.

I promise.

I love you, Bob.

I love you too, Walt.

Miss Fong.

Miss Mercedes.

Look...

...I don't quite know

how to tell you guys this...

...but we lost them.

Dr. Carson, good news.

We found Bob and Walt.

- Someone took them upstairs.

- Oh, fantastic.

By the way, the operation

was a smashing success.

Gentlemen,

we have visitor for you.

How do I look?

You look beautiful.

What am l, chopped liver?

Actually, yeah.

Where to, fellas?

This is good.

Yeah, this is good, Dan.

- We'll take it from here.

- All right.

- I'm gonna get a soda. Want anything?

- No.

No, Bob.

You wait here.

I'll be right back.

I'm alone.

Great, buddy.

You gonna stay that way too.

Oh.

Hey, May!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Bob, would you like

to come inside?

Yeah.

- It's great to have you back, Walt.

- Thank you. Thanks.

- Hi. Thank you. Thanks.

- Great to see you, kiddo.

You look terrific.

Good to have you back.

Hey, how's Bob doing?

Oh, he's, he's, he's good.

He's good, I guess. I guess.

He's been staying

at his girlfriend's place.

I haven't seen him for a few days.

Which is a first.

- Hey, you lose weight? You look thinner.

- Oh, no l--

Oh, yeah.

So listen, Walt.

Browse through that, all right?

We're gonna do a quick run-through

in Honey's office. Okay?

- Okay.

- Welcome back.

Right.

- Come on, Walt, it's not that big a deal.

- Moving back East isn't a big deal?

It's not like we're not

gonna see each other.

You're still gonna come visit, right?

I'm gonna still be out here visiting you.

Well, whose idea was it?

It was both of ours.

May and I had a talk and we couldn't

think of one good reason not to do it.

Oh, not one good reason.

Wow.

Come on, Walt. You know I'm

not cut out for this big-city life.

I'm a burger flipper from

Oak Bluffs, Massachusetts.

And May, in her heart, she's still just

a girl from "Ching-Pah-Tu-Neigh," China.

We're small-town people.

That's where we're gonna be happy.

You sure you're not rushing

into this a little?

I love her.

What?

I love her.

- Set.

- And background.

And action!

Okay, Beasley, give us the DNA

and we'll give you the girl.

I don't know what

you're talking about.

The smegma from the dead hooker's

perineum. Our boss wants it.

- Okay, take it easy.

- Hand it over.

All right. I got it right here.

Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!

- What was that? What was that?

- Sorry.

I lost my bearings.

I missed my, you know.

Because this thing, you know?

That's not scary.

- Does this scare you?

- No.

- No. All right?

- Yeah.

- Let's take a break, everybody.

- Let's take 15.

Props. I need more

perineum smegma.

- Are you okay, Walt?

- Yeah.

Good.

You suck, Bob!

Bob, why don't you try standing

in the middle of the goal.

Bob, I ordered this well-done.

This has still got a pulse.

Toss it here.

Do it!

Bob, the guys on 11 are

really hungry. Where's the food?

- How much time do I got?

- You're already 14 minutes over.

What are-- ? What are they bitching

about? They're gonna get a free meal.

Hey, Bob, get the lead

out of your ass.

- Hey, up yours, Rocket!

- Oh, nice comeback.

Honey? Can I help?

No, would you just give me

a second to just get my rhythm back?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Here. I'm sorry.

I'm just...

Just a little frustrated.

Okay, I'm gonna get back to work.

What's a three-letter word

for man's best friend?

- Tit?

- No, I tried that already.

I'm telling you, I might've gotten

brain damage from that surgery.

I used to be able to knock these

things out in 20 minutes.

Hey, Walt, seeing that the show's

on hiatus and all...

- ...why don't you go visit Bob?

- April, the show's not on hiatus.

It was canceled.

Well, then you should go.

Take a road trip.

No.

I thought about that. I don't want

to rain on their parade, you know.

They need a little time alone.

Those are ugly, and these are

kind of nice, and those are--

No, stay.

Stay.

What's the matter, kid?

You got allergies?

Oh, hi.

You know, you shouldn't be

so blue, Tenor.

You're a good actor.

You're gonna find another gig.

Yeah. Yeah.

I know.

Here.

You really miss him, huh?

Well, I know how you feel.

My boyfriend just went off to college.

It doesn't make any sense.

I thought you'd have, like,

a million offers on the table.

You're amazing, Cher.

You're a brilliant actress.

You know, maybe I had it coming,

you know? Bad karma.

Bad karma? You?

I could have been

a little bit nicer to you guys.

No, no, no, you were a total

sweetheart from the get-go.

No, I wasn't.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes