Sugar and Spice Page #14

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CHRIS:

(labor pain)

AHHHHH!

CUSTOMERS, including Lisa, stop and stare.

JACK:

C'mon, don't stop now. We're gonna make

it, baby.

LISA:

What a sad waste of a man.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. LA MAZE CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS

Squad reaches an open space at the back of the room. Diane

gets down on her pillow - squad surrounds her. ROOM STARTS

LA MAZE BREATHING EXERCISES. Lucy takes out a piece of paper

which she sets on Diane's belly for all to see.

LUCY:

(whispering, pointing)

Okay, even with all our savings, it's

still only six hundred fifty-four.

DIANE:

(mid-breathing exercise)

Hee-hee-hee, haaaaa-that's it? Hee-hee

hee...

KANSAS:

Don't make me Jerry Lewis you guys for

the rest.

HANNAH:

Hey, I even took my parents' foster kid

money. Phillipe's gonna have to gather

rice without pants this month.

LUCY:

Look, you guys, three strikes we're out.

Let's face it. It's time to abort!

A COUPLE looks over - aghast. Kansas glares back.

KANSAS:

Hey. Eyes on your own belly!

DIANE:

Hee-hee-h-wait a minute. Hold on, now.

What do we do before a big game?

CLEO:

Use the bathroom, because the Port-a

Potties on the field are gross.

DIANE:

My fault - What do we do that enables us

to be as great as we are?

CLEO:

I personally think of how Conan started

as a writer, then became a...

LUCY:

(jumping in)

-- We practice! Sorry, Cleo.

DIANE:

That's right. Practice makes perfect.

I'm practicing to have a baby right now.

If we do a practice job, we'll not only

get the experience, but also the extra

money we need for guns!

Squad quietly AD-LIBS their agreement.

DIANE (CONT'D)

I've got the perfect job - and I've

gotta pee - help me up!

MUSIC UP:

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. LINCOLN HIGH - HALLWAY - DAY

A SMILING OLDER WOMAN with a "Volunteer" button sits at a

table with a "LUNCH TICKETS: $1.50" SIGN on it. LISA JANUSCH

approaches and hands her some money. The Older Woman starts

to SLOWLY COUNT OFF TICKETS from a roll.

Impatient, Lisa grabs the roll, rips off some tickets, tosses

the roll on the table and STORMS OFF. The Older Woman

UNLOCKS THE METAL BOX (key around her neck), PUTS THE MONEY

IN, then SHUTS IT.

Diane ENTERS FRAME and gives her money. The older woman

counts off tickets, smiles and gives them to Diane who bends

down to tie her shoe.

The Older Woman UNLOCKS the metal box to put the money in as

KANSAS ENTERS, FALLS TO THE GROUND and fakes CHOKING. Cleo

runs up to Kansas - begging for help.

The Older Woman hurries around the table to help as Hannah

ENTERS FRAME, takes the open metal box and dumps the contents

into Lucy's Winnie the Pooh BACKPACK as she walks quickly

THROUGH FRAME. Hannah hands the box to Diane who shuts it

and puts it back on the table.

BOTH EXIT in opposite directions as Kansas STOPS CHOKING,

gets up and exits, followed by Cleo, who first helps the

Older Woman to her feet and then exits.

CUT TO:

INT. LINCOLN HIGH - SCIENCE LAB - DAY

The squad sits around the opened Winnie the Pooh backpack. A

look of shock on their faces. After a long beat...

END MUSIC:

LUCY:

What the hell kind of food are they

serving us that they can turn a profit

on two hundred bucks!?

SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. "THE TERMINATOR" EXTERMINATOR SHOP - DAY

Front door OPENS. Squad EXITS with a LARGE BLACK TRUNK and

FERN.

INT. HANNAH'S STATION WAGON - DAY

Squad looks miserable - Fern SMILES from ear to ear. The

squad slowly STARTS TO SNIFF, then turn toward Fern.

DIANE:

Uh, Fern?

FERN:

(monotone)

Yeah?

DIANE:

No more filling tanks before practice,

okay?

FERN:

'Kay.

EXT. HANNAH'S STATION WAGON

We watch the wagon DRIVE through Lincoln.

CLEO (O.S.)

So, y'know, what are you, anorexic or

bulimic?

FERN (O.S.)

Just skinny.

CLEO (O.S.)

Don't make me hate you.

EXT. KANSAS' HOUSE - OLD RAMBLER STYLE - DAY

The station wagon pulls into the cracked driveway. The squad

jumps out and runs around to the back of the car, pulling out

the large black trunk.

KANSAS (V.O.)

You guys wanna hurry up? My

grandparents get back from dinner at

four-thirty.

INT. KANSAS' BASEMENT - MOMENTS LATER

Squad hurries down the open, unfinished stairs, lugging the

trunk behind. It looks like a STUDIO APARTMENT - a unique

combination of her grandparents' old '60's furniture and high

school memorabilia.

CLEO:

I can't believe your grandparents never

come down here.

KANSAS:

You have three heart attacks and a half

dozen strokes and tell me how much you

wanna run up and down the stairs. Sh*t -

I forgot to pick up the cigarettes.

Squad forms a circle around the trunk.

DIANE:

Ready?

She flips OPEN the latches.

DIANE (CONT'D)

(with squad)

Okay!

All help LIFT THE LID. Stunned SILENCE.

KANSAS:

What the hell?

WE SEE the trunk is filled with OLD GUN PIECES. Stocks,

barrels, flint locks, rusty triggers, etc. Nothing seems to

go together. ALL TALK AT ONCE.

DIANE:

Oh no...

KANSAS:

He Ikea'd us.

LUCY:

Okay. How many signs do we need? We're

not supposed to do this...

HANNAH:

Maybe Lucy's right. Maybe this is a

sign.

KANSAS:

Screw Lucy!

GRANDMOTHER (O.S.)

Kansas?

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