Sugar and Spice Page #4

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GEEKY GUY (CONT'D)

Vote brains over braun!

A FOOTBALL flies INTO FRAME, hitting Geeky Guy on the

FOREHEAD.

INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - LATER

Jack stands at the podium, unable to speak because the CROWD

IS CHEERING! He's handsome as hell, sweet and genuine. You

can't help but love him and you really want to f*** him.

LISA (V.O.)

It was the first time most of us even

heard Jack speak.

JACK:

Whoa...Thanks, uh - WOW. Uh, hey,

alright...okay, uh --

LISA (V.O.)

We weren't disappointed.

JACK:

Guys! Hey, guys! Shut up a minute.

The crowd QUIETS down.

JACK (CONT'D)

Well, uh, I think it just really rocks

that the football team picked me as

their, y'know, uh, candidate.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS AD-LIB "Yeah! Whoa Kick ass!"

FEMALE VOICES:

We love you, Jack!

JACK:

Hey, well, I love you lunch ladies!

Audience LAUGHS.

JACK (CONT'D)

I just want to say that there are only

three things I want in life - to someday

become a senator of this great state...

Audience CHEERS.

JACK (CONT'D)

I want to lead the Lincoln High Fightin'

Logs to victory at the homecoming game --

Audience CHEERS!

JACK (CONT'D)

Okay, okay... Uh, and I... I want to go

to the homecoming dance with Diane

Weston.

STUNNED SILENCE. Diane stares at him. Lisa looks pissed.

The school SUDDENLY ERUPTS with CHEERS! Jack turns to Diane.

She runs up to the podium. They hug and kiss.

LISA (V.O.)

Ucht! They were like friggin' Barbie

and Ken, but without the pink, remote

control Corvette. Overnight people were

going, like --

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL - DAY

Average GIRL faces CAMERA - MOUTHING:

LISA (V.O.)

"Oh, they're the perfect couple!"

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL - DAY

ANOTHER average GIRL faces CAMERA - MOUTHING:

LISA (V.O.)

"They're so cuuuuuuuuute!"

INT. GEEKY GUY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Geeky Guy sits alone, typing frantically at his computer,

stopping occasionally to push up his glasses.

LISA (V.O.)

I'm sure it gave the internet whacks

something to talk about besides Agent

Scully and their most recent wet dream.

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. LINCOLN HIGH - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Jack and Diane are still in a love-lock.

LISA (V.O.)

Now, I'm not one to gossip, but I think

Jack and Diane got so close so fast

because they discovered how much they

both loved...

MUSIC UP:

INT. LINCOLN HIGH HALL - CLOSET - DAY

QUICK TWO-SECOND CUTS

CLOSE ON:

Janitorial Closet Door. An excited Diane and Jack meet in

front of it, kiss and roll into the closet.

INT. WRESTLING GYM - DAY

A CLIMBING ROPE hangs in the middle of the shot. Suddenly a

disheveled Jack slides down. A beat later, Diane follows.

They kiss and part ways - dropping hands at the last minute.

INT. SCHOOL HALL - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - DAY

CLOSE ON:

Door. Red-faced Jack and Diane peek out, look to see they're

alone, kiss good-bye, then head off in opposite directions.

DOOR CLOSES to reveal a sign "Principal Smith."

EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - NIGHT

It's COLD and LOUD. Starting on his own 10 YARD LINE, Jack

takes the hike, looks left, right - pumps once - twice -

NOTHING. He bursts through the line, dodging - weaving -

leaping over his opponents.

ON THE CLOCK:

15 seconds...

ON THE A-SQUAD

holding their breath, pompons at the ready. Mascot runs past

them, pantomiming "nervous" to the crowd by biting his nails

and knocking his knees.

ON JACK:

as he reaches the line of scrimmage. There's ONE DEFENDER

LEFT. Jack fakes left, right - takes the tackle - but

manages to roll out of it! HE-COULD-GO-ALL-THE...

ON THE CROWD:

They're going wild!

ON THE A-SQUAD

running along the sideline - Diane leading the way!

ON JACK:

he looks right - sees Diane and mouths "I love you!"

JACK'S POV

Diane mouths "I love you!"

DIANE'S POV

Jack makes the touchdown, spikes the ball, and starts a slow

run toward us - arms outstretched. WE run toward him in SLOW

MOTION. SUDDENLY a WALL OF PLAYERS enter frame and tackles

him in celebration.

END MUSIC.

LISA (V.O.)

Now, right about here's where the real

sh*t started to hit the fan... Don't

worry - I'll clean this up a bit if I

have to appear in court -- especially if

we're on "Court TV."

INT. DIANE'S SPLIT-LEVEL - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT

SFX:
DOORBELL

DENNIS WESTON (Diane's Dad) opens the door while DEEDEE

(Diane's Mom) FLASHES a PHOTO of a surprised Jack and his

parents.

DEEDEE:

Well, there's a Christmas card.

DENNIS:

Come in, come in...

All enter the FOYER. Jack looks gorgeous in his tux. His

parents are just like Diane's - mid-40's housewife and middle

management drone. Their children are their lives.

DENNIS (CONT'D)

Say Jack, why don't you go light a fire

under Diane.

JACK:

I'm on it, Mr. Weston.

Jack smiles and bounds up the stairs - two at a time.

DEEDEE:

Oh - say, where're my manners. I'm

DeeDee - you can remember me because of

my double "D's."

She LAUGHS with Dennis as if it's the first time she's said

it. We see where Diane gets her perk - and her body.

DENNIS:

And I'm Diane's Dad, Dennis. Do not try

that after one of my Screwdrivers!

Dennis and DeeDee LAUGH again.

DEEDEE:

(recovering)

Whoooo - now who wants some pigs-in-a

blanket?

INT. SPLIT-LEVEL - DIANE'S BEDROOM - LATER

ANGLE ON:

Vanity mirror. Diane is putting on lip gloss - she looks

beautiful in her gown. We see JACK ENTER in the b.g. She

turns. He reacts to her beauty.

DIANE:

Hi, Jack.

JACK:

Excuse me, Vendela, have you seen Diane?

We're supposed to go to the homecoming

dance tonight.

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